#oblivious jaskier

For @witcher-bows-and-arrows. Feb 6: Court

In which Jaskier teaches Geralt the art of courting. It’s all about paying attention to details, really, except he may be missing a few details himself.

also on ao3

“What do you mean I’m wrong? Certainly she was interested,” Jaskier takes another bite of the lemon cake and speaks with his mouth full, “or why did she wink at me, hmm? Nobody winks if they are not falling in love, even just a little. When it comes to the matter of the heart, my friend, I should be the expert between us.”

The sun is climbing high, and their little picnic will need to end soon due to the midday heat, but Geralt still lazes on the large blanket set up by himself earlier. His head is pillowed on one arm, and the other has raised to his forehead to block the sunlight.

What Geralt also set up in the morning before asking Jaskier to join him on this meadow is a basket of assorted pastries and wine. It sits beside him, now only half full, and Jaskier sits on the other side cross-legged, munching on the food without a care in the world.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” Geralt replies, eyes closed. “I’m merely pointing out a fact, Jaskier, that you may not understand the matter of the heart as well as you believe.”

“Wow.” Jaskier licks the honey off his thumb. “I won’t take offense because you’re you, but let it be noted that I always know. Always! If someone is pursuing me, it will be so obvious the words might as well be written across their forehead.”

“Is it though? I reckon someone could be doing it right in your face and you wouldn’t recognize it.”

*Obi wan kenobi voice* Hello there! Turns out writers block wasn't as done with me as I thought xDD but I'm fighting it!! So this is a piece written for an a/b/o event we are doing at @thepassifloradiscord, because fun, and there is just something about courting that is just so kdkdfjf. Yes, I'm ok, thank you for asking. So please enjoy this little thing, where Eskel is not enjoyin spring!

Here on Ao3

It’s been pouring down for fucking days. 

Spring is the absolute worst, Eskel thinks to himself as he trudges along muddy roads toward his usual inn. 

Not only because of the shitty weather, but also because of all the monsters approaching their mating season, because of the more than abundant pollen, because stupid Jaskier who doesn’t realize Eskel has been courting him for months.

He probably could have been clearer, but Eskel really thought that Jaskier would have picked up on it by now. 

The flowers, clearly coded in flower language to express his feelings for Jaskier. 

The gift, meant to show his feelings for Jaskier in physical form. The silk shirt, to prove that he could provide for his intended mate. The hand holding, to show that he would always be a bastion of safety, warmth and love for his chosen.

And one day it clicks and Geralt’s like, “oh shit. I fucked myself over.”

And Geralt decided to be brave and open with his feelings for once in his life so he replied with "What if I am?"

Jaskier was stunned for a sec but then he just laughed and went "Don't worry my friend! I'll help you find someone hot and get laid too next time."

Geralt just facepalmed.

(just cause i think oblivious!jaskier and frustrated!geralt is a really funny combo)

Jaskier: So I have this really sexy friend I could hook you up with, if you want.

Geralt: Yeah? Hotter than you?

Jaskier: Oh for sure.

So hear me out, jaskier with magic, but also a jaskier that is in extreme denial about having magic

geralt knew jaskier wasn’t completely human a week after meeting him. He didn’t smell quite right, there was always a slight tinge of ozone under his natural scent, something that felt like raw untapped power

his medallion didn’t vibrate though, so he knew the bard wasn’t a monster. He waited for the other shoe to drop, for jaskier to finally reveal whatever the hell the bard was. Months and months go by, and eventually years and still...... nothing.

geralt watches as the flower crowns jaskier makes never wilt, how the sun shines brighter when he laughs, how people seem to bend over backwards when jaskier smiles hard enough, and how the forest itself seems to create paths for him to walk down, how the road wouldn’t dare to lay a rock in his merry way

it isn’t until they’re in the middle of a bandit attack off the path and geralt watches as the bandit creeping behind jaskier is thrown into a tree with a sickening crack, and the man threatening jaskier with a sword suddenly screams in pain as the metal turns red hot, giving geralt the time he needs to cut the man down, the scent of burned flesh lingering in the hair

jaskier turns to him, a relieved smile on his face, and geralt thinks this is the moment, there’s no denying this, and jaskier just makes some comment about how lucky he was that it was hot out today, and can you imagine how that could have gone if it was fall?

and then geralt realizes, 

oh.

jaskier is just a fucking idiot

an idiot who is so convinced of his own humanity that he denies any and all of the signs pointing towards just the opposite

signs like how jaskier always seems to know what geralt needs before he knows it himself

random weird instructions like, make sure you bring an extra vial of Swallow, which comes in handy when swamp water makes the first vial slip right through his hand to smash on the ground or a “don’t forget your cloak” on a perfectly sunny day that turns to a downpour as he trudges back to the inn

all of these instances continue through the years, years that don’t seem to affect jaskier as geralt silently adds possible immortality to his list of “weird things jaskier can apparently do”

eventually when yennefer and ciri join them on their travels, other people are finally privy to jaskier’s powers

yennefer directs a questioning eyebrow toward geralt when the dead bird they stumbled upon twitches to life in jaskier’s hands and flies away. 

later that night geralt tells yennefer about all the instances of magic that have surrounded jaskier since they’ve been traveling together

the only thing yennefer can think of is that it must be fey blood, it’s the only explanation that makes sense of all of the raw power

ciri joins the ranks of People Baffled By Jaskier’s Obliviousness when she watches jaskier glare a field of flowers into full bloom and then remark on the power of positive reinforcement because, look ciri!

these instances continue

a perfectly sunny day turns into a downpour when geralt accidentally insults jaskier’s outfit

valdo marx conveniently has an intimate run in with a ditch after crossing paths with them on the road

a tavern bar catches on fire after the owner refused to serve geralt

it all comes to a head when nilfgaardian soldiers manage to corner them in the mountains. Geralt is cutting down soldiers left and right, yennefer is shooting spell after spell. but its obvious they are tiring with so many soldiers, and they are in a space too small for ciri to scream without hurting any of her family

jaskier doesn’t know what’s happening, one second they’re being overwhelmed, and he feels a sensation boiling up in his chest, engulfing his body and growing bigger and bigger with his desperation and he just wants everything to stop and suddenly he feels a need to push out and he closes his eyes and thrusts his hands forward, and everything is..... quiet?

he opens his eyes and he sees geralt and ciri and yen all gaping at him and jaskier looks around and sees frost stretching out from his feet, and ice enveloping all of the soldiers, freezing them in place. there’s neat circles of grass surrounding each member of his family but the frost clinging to his fingertips leaves no doubt about who was the cause of this sudden onslaught of snow.

the bard brushes his hands off on his pants, and makes a small show of straightening his clothes before he looks back at his companions, still staring at him in awe.

“well, that’s new”

yennefer lets loose a loud laugh shocked from her in disbelief, followed by the little giggles of ciri

prompted by @amazingmsme

----

Geralt was doing that thing again.

It happened at the end of every autumn season. They travelled further and further north. They left Temaria and crossed the Pontar, and Geralt got even shiftier than usual. They made their way through Redania, and Jaskier could practically feel Geralt’s hackles rising. They reached the Kaedweni borders and Geralt’s shoulders were so tense they were up past his ears.

Geralt would be leaving him behind soon to go winter in Kaer Morhen, and Jaskier would travel back through the lands to settle in Oxenfurt until spring hit and the snows melted.

Jaskier waited every day for the typical excuses. He wouldn’t be hurt, when they came. He knew Kaer Morhen was probably no place for a human, being difficult enough to hike to even before the snow and ice set in to impede the travel. Not to mention the monsters lurking about the mountains; and the witchers themselves, if they were anything like Geralt when he’d first met his White Wolf. They probably wouldn’t take well to a stranger.

Jaskier could tell that Geralt had been taking them through a longer route to get to where he was going. There were far faster routes, the ones they’d taken in past years, through the riverside border towns. Instead, Geralt had led them through Rinde (or, more accurately, past Rinde, as neither had been keen to return ever since the djinn incident) and up into Kaedwin’s rough wilderness, with the nearest cities being a week’s travel at least.

Geralt was doing that thing again, where he drew out his goodbye to Jaskier as long as he possibly could.

Honestly, Jaskier thought it was sweet. Geralt’s words and glares may have often been harsh, but he spoke much louder and much more fondly with his actions than anything else. Geralt could deny their friendship all he wanted, but Jaskier could see the truth. The man liked him, whether he wanted to or not. Jaskier had grown on him.

Like a weed. Or a particularly stubborn flower.

(Granted, Jaskier would love something more than friendship, but truly, simply having Geralt in his life was enough. So long as they were together in some fashion, Jaskier could suffer a little pining. He could suffer through anything, so long as he had Geralt.)

Except, they reached the town of Shaerrawedd, where the two of them would usually part (though it was more logical to part while Jaskier was still in Redania, making his travel to Oxenfurt much easier, they hadn’t done that in years. Jaskier liked to think it was because Geralt missed him as much as he missed Geralt), and Geralt still hadn’t said goodbye. They travelled up the nearby Lixela river together, and Geralt still hadn’t said goodbye. They passed through one of the smaller towns to have a warm night’s stay in an inn, and Geralt still hadn’t said goodbye.

Jaskier decided he had to put a stop to this as they passed through Ard Carraigh. There were no more towns left, he couldn’t go much further and still be able to travel back safely when Geralt finally did work up the courage to say goodbye.

“I suppose this is where we part ways,” Jaskier sighed quietly, watching Geralt brush down Roach in the stables. It sounded far sadder than he had intended it to.

Geralt went stiff, the movements of the brush stuttering for a moment. He cleared his throat and continued brushing. Jaskier gave him the space and time needed to think out his words, knowing the drill by now.

“Actually,” Geralt said quietly, “I thought you could come along this year. As my guest.”

i’m a slave 4 u by pasdecoeur

“Calling me a bloody eunuch the last time wasn’t enough?!” Jaskier rants, trailing after Geralt into the cold night. “You had to— You had to—”

“I’m sorry,” Geralt sneers. “The next time you sleep with some idiot lord’s wife, I’ll just let him run you through with his sword, shall I?”

“You could have said anything!” Jaskier shrills at him. “Did you have to tell him that— That I was—”

“My Nilfgaardian love slave?” Geralt prompts helpfully.

“THAT!”

And Jaskier watches, transfixed, as a slow dirty smile curls up the side of Geralt’s mouth. “What? You don’t think you’d like it?”

(or, five times geralt and jaskier had to pretend to be in, like, a violently sexual relationship, and one time... well.)

method by some_stars

"Look," Jaskier says, a little desperately, "you've pretended to be my bodyguard before, right? This isn't so different."

Geralt says, "It's different." But he doesn't, actually, say 'no.'

(For the prompt: "Jaskier has secretly been engaged this whole time (he is a viscount after all) and Geralt agrees to pretend to be dating Jaskier so his fiance will let him cancel the engagement.")

That’s My Boyfriend by toyhto

Geralt thinks Jaskier is his boyfriend. Jaskier doesn't know how and when that happened.

Dicks (in every direction) by relenafenal

“I hope he’s into men,” Jaskier said. “Or at least willing to play along with pretending to be for long enough for you to get a picture.”

“You’re going to walk up to that?” Essi asked. “You have more balls than brains.”

That was probably true.

Bardic Idyll by Lisztful

Jaskier is certain he can win the Continent's annual bardic competition, but he needs to be accompanied by a dashing romantic companion in order to enter. Enter Geralt, who is definitely, for sure, only interested in the free food, and not at all in staring lovingly into Jaskier's eyes.

Pretend boyfriends fic, with battling bards, well-meaning friends, and fluff and angst in equal measure.

My Boyfriend From Rivia is Totally Real by anarchycox

Jaskier accidentally lies to Valdo Marx that he had Geralt are in fact dating. And then he decides to roll with the lie and it just keeps growing and growing.

Remember me I ask, Remember me I sing by LadyAhiru

When Geralt finally pulls his head out of his own ass and goes to find his bard after their big fight he is surprised that Jaskier is happy to see him. He shortly realises that the singer had an accident and doesn't remember a thing, a misunderstanding leads him to believe he is Geralt's lover and the Witcher, to scared to lose him again, doesn't correct him.

i am weak, my love (and I am wanting) by vachement

Contrary to popular belief, Jaskier knew when he’d fucked up. Sure, the knowledge usually led to him digging a bigger hole for himself, but he was at least self-aware enough to know that he was, at heart, a massive idiot.

Which was why he was currently knocking on the door to Geralt’s apartment, a box of chocolates held awkwardly in one hand.

“Geralt!” he greeted as soon as the other man opened the door. He held out the chocolates first as a preemptive peace offering, knowing well that he’d need it. “Date me.”