i\It’s been a pretty long time since I’ve even typed on a computer, I keep making so many mistakes. I used to be so good at it. It’s also been a pretty long tie since I’ve made a post. So here’s for an update:
I had a baby. Me and this guy, B, have been together for 15 months. Our son is now 2 months. Around 3 months of dating, we moved out of his parents basement in my hometown to a state I’ve dreamed of living. I never imagined it’d be anything like this. Skipping forward a few months. We’ve ran off 7 months in on our first lease and rented another apartment in the Baltimore equivalent in Pennsylvania. It’s pretty similar to my hometown and this is the EXACT OPPOSITE of where I wanted to be I wanted away from home because of all the fucked up people. The shootings. The violence. The city. THE DRUGS. ALL of it. And i got slammed right back in the middle of it. My upstairs neighbors are drug addicts. Everyone my boyfriend communes with is a drug addict. I never made any friends expect for 2 and my coworkers. I’ve transferred my place of employment twice being up here (Still at Royal Farms.) My son does not deserve this type of living.
I have one source of support, my friend Jason. He and I have a special relationship. We are best friend . We met when I was 16 and he was 24. We didn’t start talking until I started dating one of his friends, whom I’ve mentioned a couple years back. We lived at his house for a while. And when the boyfriend at the time was gone, I would latch on to Jason because he was the only person that was decent to me at the time. We kept in contact since then. Granted I have dropped him for guys and boy, let me tell you, it was a mistake. He’s been a problem with every one of my relationships for the past 3 years. NOT THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY A PROBLEM. But because me and him have such a good connection and good relationship that they would actually get jealous, ruining the relationship themselves. And in my dumbass life, I’d choose the jealous asshole than Jason.
And now, in this being said. I JUST brought back Jason in my life just before I got with my current boyfriend. And that within itself was a feat. He doesn’t like to be abandoned and it took alot for him to forgive me. And so, we made an agreement. Jason was not to be made a problem and I was to not be told to drop him again or I would drop him like a bad habit. HE AGREED. IT WAS AGREED UPON.
, He’s been made a problem. From hanging out together to talking on the phone. I started talking to him a lot after my little baby boy, Priour, was born. And its been a HUGE problem. He’s really the only positive influence, beside Priour I have in my life, because look around me. I see nothing but drugs, work, negativity and my baby. He keeps me sane.
Child protective services came to our house because I had told my therapist about how I found tobacco in the baby’s formula and how he’s been put into dangerous situations while in the car with my boyfriend. Yes,there’s two stories. but in all reality it’s been made a blame game. But seriously. How was I supposed to know to CHECK for TOBACCO IN my baby’s formula? So because I didn’t check it, THAT makes ME a bad mother? But like how did it get there in the first place? “There was tobacco on the table, how would you have known if you didnt get some in there yourself?” Let’s see. I made the bottle, first time, saw flakes, dumped it down the drain, baby crying. CHECKED the second time. Thought it was fine. Saw flakes as I tried to feed him again. NOpe, down the drain, third bottle from a different container like what the fuck why would I try to pull some dumbshit like that when I KNOW THat COULD POISON HIM.
I’M NOT DONE YET BUT HE KEEPS LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER AND I CANT THINK STRAIGHT. FUCK.
