#nonstealing

There are so many wonderful experiences on the other side of fear. We rob ourselves of amazing opportunities and experiences when we give into our fears and insecurities. Take a chance. Feel the fear. Do it anyway.

Asteya, one of the Niyamas, the five ethical rules for ourselves, is a Sanskrit word that means “non-stealing,” but with layers of meaning and depth. Practicing Asteya can mean literally not stealing, such as stealing money out of someone's pocket, or not hoarding materials you don't need, mindlessly consuming natural resources, coveting other people's possessions, or appropriating other people's ideas.

But one of the most interesting interpretations of Asteya is the notion of not stealing the most precious and non-renewable resource of all: time. Being late for appointments is an example of stealing someone’s time. Agreeing to meet someone at a certain time, you stop your previous activity to be prepared for their arrival. If they arrive late, it is a signal that they do not respect your time; you’ve wasted your precious time waiting for them, instead of potentially doing something more productive or meaningful. Another example of stealing by obstructing other’s desires is to squash their dreams. If a friend tells you she’s planning to go back to school or seek a promotion, out of jealousy or some other emotion, you may find yourself saying her decision is a bad one. Maybe you tell her the school has a bad reputation or why you think her chosen field is a poor choice. You are stealing her happiness and her dream by negating it.

Finally, if you’ve ever been in or witnessed a situation where a person doesn’t allow another person to just be themselves, you’ve seen an example of someone stealing another person’s humanity. When someone criticizes or tries to change their partner’s or friend’s habits or personality, they are stealing from their humanity, their uniqueness, the fiber of what makes them, them. Who knew non-stealing could be such a deep and complex topic? Do you consider coveting and hoarding as forms of stealing? Have people been stealing your time? Have you unknowingly been stealing other people’s time? What methods might you employ to not allow people to steal from you?

Practical applications of asteya involve arriving to class with ample time to set up and settle in; consider declining the “one more vinyasa invitation-(what’s it like to slow down and do less); and even if yours is a fast-paced class, can you move swiftly without the feeling of hurrying or trying to steal off to the next asana?

On the mat, watch for comparison to other students-imagine everyone in the room as a different piece of fruit. You wouldn’t wonder why a banana doesn’t look more like a grape. Because every body is put together differently and has a unique history, we look different in poses. When we get caught up in what someone else looks like, we miss out on what’s happening for us. Trying to do the pose “right”: do use tips on alignment to find there place where your body feels enlivened and free, rather than trying to fit into a universal mold. Our bodies are built uniquely, all the way down to our bones. There’s no one right way to do a pose that works for everyone: make the pose fit your body, not your body fit the pose. How is doing the pose “right” masking your own vulnerability? To minimize stimulation and distraction during class, relax your eyes, focus on a direct (focal point) or at neutral objects in the room-a wall, your mat, the floor. In each pose and transition, bring your attention back to the feelings in your body and the experience of the breath, over and over. Like training a puppy, be kind, gentle and consistent. And when the mind does wander off, relish the feeling of coming back. Get a felt sense of what it’s like to come back into your body and the  joy of knowing the moment just as it is.

On the day of her wedding, a woman found out her fiance cheated on her the night before with the maid of honor. The woman continued with the wedding- put on the dress, walked down the aisle, and stood beneath the altar until the priest asked if anybody objected to the marriage. The woman said, “Yes, I have an objection. I cant, in good faith, marry a man who would steal from our future together.”

How many times have we done or said something that stole from our future with another person? I can think of a few times I have and I think back on all the meaningful friendships I could have sustained today. When we are unhappy, we tend to self-sabotage by stealing from our own future and “from our own opportunity to grow ourselves into the person who has a right to have the life they want.”

Asteya is also crucial when we think about what the world will look like for our children and grandchildren. Every decision we make affects the next generation- and all of our excess (money, belongings, clothing) just proves that we are living for today with no regard to anybody else. The way we exploit our world’s resources, including land and water, are exactly why we need Asteya, and to live with regards to others and by being indebted to the earth.

Another form of asteya is stealing from others experiences. This sometimes can be really hard for me as someone who enjoys talking. When my friends share stories with me, I cant wait to empathize and share similar stories. But sometimes, we find ourselves wanting to one-up someones experience. Or sometimes, we steal from them by discounting what they have to say.

A close friend of mine recently came to me and told me that she thought she was sexually assaulted by another mutual friend of ours at a party. One of my biggest regrets was that I tried to tell her that he would never do such a thing and that maybe she was misinterpreting what had happened since she was drunk. I had, essentially, stolen from her experience.