#nonbinary writing

Abed is Abed, and his masculinity only makes him more enticing to Troy. He couldn’t imagine it any other way; his lean yet muscular body, the way his face moves subtly, so only those who work hard enough will understand it (those who deserve to, in Troy’s opinion), his patience and eagerness to teach/include Troy in his favorite things, his strong bravery to be himself.

With Annie, he doesn’t need to prove his attraction to her to himself as much. She happens to be a woman, and his attraction to women has never been seriously questioned. So he lets himself fall in love with her. 

Her undying determination to succeed in her career path, the bubbly excitement, soft skin framed by even softer hair, how quick she is to confront any obstacle in her way, her warmth at every moment of togetherness that they have. While he was aware he was falling in love with Abed while he lived in 303, the realization of his love for Annie slaps him in the face out at sea. 

He’s overjoyed when he learns about polyamory from a polycule he meets drinking in London. He doesn’t have to choose. What’s harder is convincing himself to ask his hopeful boyfriend and hopeful girlfriend. 

But they say yes! Annie is reluctant at first, scared that they’ll want more than she can give. She doesn’t know how to open up, and doesn’t know if she would even want to. They shouldn’t have to deal with all her messiness, right? Slowly but surely, Troy and Abed get her to trust them with the parts of herself that she’s hidden away, some even from herself. 

During this time, Troy starts to think more about his sexuality. Why is it that the only woman he feels really attracted to is Annie? But questioning if he actually likes women feels like disrespecting his wonderful girlfriend and her womanhood, so he doesn’t ask more questions. He loves Annie, and Annie is a woman. End of story.

Abed asks him of course. Troy and Annie and some of their friends are getting ready for a pride parade (Abed doesn’t like the noise and crowds), and Abed sees Troy’s hesitance at the pink, purple and blue paint. He tells him his worries, and Abed tells him that some bi people have gender preferences. More often attracted to one gender over another. It’s relieving. But still feels a little wrong. Annie is like the singular exception to the rule, not the rule itself. He continues to ignore the feeling- he would do anything for her. This doesn’t seem like anything to big, and he definitely doesn’t want to hurt her.

Annie has never completely understood why she’s supposed to like pink, quiet smiling, and princesses. That’s not to say she doesn’t, no, no, she does. She just doesn’t understand why she’s supposed to. 

Before she was born, her parents thought they were going to have a baby boy, so they painted the nursery blue and put little car decals on the walls. Annie doesn’t understand this either. They painted it over with pink, but only did one coat.

It came out purple. 

Four year old Anne Edison wants to be a knight when she plays pretend. She likes to play floor hockey with her socks. She wants to spell and say her name with an ‘i’. She loves ducks. She refuses to not wear a skirt or dress. She draws hearts on everything she can. 

Her parents only like some of these things. 

They want her to get into the best preschool in the city. They say that a good life starts with a good education, and a good education starts with getting into a good pre-school. She studies until she just knows her brain will break, but she still doesn’t get in. She gets into their second choice, but they still consider it a failure. 

They throw out her knight costume that night, of course. She hides under their bed as they scream at one another, and vows to herself in the dark that she will do her best to be a good daughter. They hadn’t had a fight in months, she’d been the one to tear them apart again! She has to keep being good, and if that means trying harder and giving all the blue things to the baby coming in a few months, she can do that.

She can be pink if that’s what they need.

She stays pink because that’s what everybody likes. But she aches to let herself be purple, or even yellow. She’s older now, more relistic. She doesn’t have the luxury her four year old self did. She knows to make friends in college, she should be strictly pink or blue. She had partially rebeled for a few months, wearing only black and grey, shunning both pink and blue. But she’s been told she needs friends to stay clean and alive, so she makes herself a bright pink. She knows there isn’t a place for anything other than pink and blue, so she stays the same, as much as it hurts.

A few years pass, and she prides herself in how the pink has allowed her to have a family. They love her. Pink works. Then… she meets someone who is openly yellow. Non-binary, they call it.

If Annie was alone in the world like after rehab again, maybe she would let herself be ‘them’. It feels so, so right when they let themself be ‘them’. But it’s ‘her’ who is loved by Troy and Abed and all their friends, so she stuffs the ‘they’ back under the bed with her four-year-old self, the tiny Annie shrieking in joy when they finally see it.

Confusingly, Troy and Abed care and want to know about tiny Annie. They want the messy parts. They want her to stop hiding her legs under the metaphorical bed, and come fully out. She doesn’t believe them at first. They don’t push (or pull?), but they do let her know it’s safe. Slowly, she crawls out, and when the time is right, she sits them on top of the bed and asks if it would be alright if it was ‘they’ instead of ‘she’.

Troy and Abed let their partner know it’s completely okay, great even, and Troy finally understands why Annie was the exception. 

That didn't mean Emery couldn't speak around before they headed to Josephine. They spoke to Varric for a while, and he told them about a possible scene in the book he was planning. They spoke to Dorian, who was possibly too curious about Solas, because he asked about whether or not Emery had seen him yet. They said no.

The conversation led them to search for Solas. It didn't matter if Dorian had figured out about their secret relationship. They had already thought about confiding in him, anyhow. He was becoming a dear friend.

When Emery entered the bottom of the library they looked around, only to see that no one was there. They searched around other places in the hold that he would frequent, but he was nowhere to be found.

Finally, they went to Josephine. She generally knew where everyone was.

"Hey, have you seen Solas around? I have a few questions for him?" They asked, trying to be as casual as possible.

"I haven't seen him since this morning," she replied without looking up. "Said something about gathering herbs."

"I see," they were just about to turn around and search even more for him, but Josephine cut stopped them short in their tracks.

"We have a lot of things we need to go over with you, Inquisitor."

And with that, Emery was practically dragged into the War Room. Their advisers knew how hard it would be to get them up in the morning if they had been let go so easily. Of course, Cassandra was the one who had gotten them all to agree to get Emery into the War Room as fast as possible. Only after going over several documents, sending out many orders, and going over resources, they were finally let free.

"It isn't like you couldn't also take a break."

His words were burning, now. They couldn't search for him now; it was impossible. Hopefully, he was waiting for them.

Emery could barely pick up a loaf of bread from the dining room before they escaped through the door to their quarters. The stairs were worse. Every lift of their knee made them want to fall backwards to simply crumple at the base, but the soft promise of their bed kept them going.

Final door. So close... So close... They pushed through, now, and practically fell-

No. They did fall, but they were caught. Caught? Caught by what?

Then the familiar scent filled their nose. The scent of elfroot and that sweet musk they could never describe. Strong arms tightened around them, holding them up from falling further.

They didn't have to look up to know it was Solas who had caught her.

"You seem you have gotten clumsier since our last meeting," his voice soothed, a hand slowly turning circle patterns across their back. The other one had secured the loaf of bread before it had fallen to the floor.

"I'm not clumsy," Emery said stubbornly, as they looked up through their ebony hair.

Solas chuckled and led them to sit in a nearby chair carefully. He placed the loaf of bread on the chair side table cloth, then he crouched down in front of them, taking the side of their face in the palm of his hand. "You look absolutely exhausted," he said more seriously, brushing locks of their hair behind a pointed ear.

"I'm fine. Perfectly fine," they tried to smile widely at him and sit up straight, but a spasm in their back caused them to shrink in pain. "Perhaps...not."

Solas sighed, but smiled warmly. "Lucky for you, I supposed this would be the case." He got up and walked over to a table he had apparently set up with a bowl of water and neatly folded cloths.

"Yes, lucky for me," Emery murmured wistfully. They sounded like they would be able to fall asleep at any moment.

Solas wasn't about to let that happen yet. He was wringing out a cloth from the bowl of water, then brought it over to Emery. "Your day is almost done, Vhenan. Let's freshen you up a bit."

Emery would have moaned from the contact of the warm cloth upon their cheek if they weren't so tired. They couldn't help put lean into the feeling, their eyes closing easily.

Solas put his fingers below their chin and straightened their face. "Do you enjoy making my job harder?" He brought the cloth down their neck, earning an actual escape of breath from Emery's throat. He couldn't help but smile.

"Of course not," came their slow reply, eyes opening lazily to gaze at him.

He brought the cloth up the other side of their neck and along their jaw.

They shivered.

Solas gave them a loving smile, his eyes nearly closing from bliss. "I'm only teasing you," he was brushing lightly over their eyelids now. "You should only worry about resting now. I've got you."

Emery lifted their hand to grab his free one. They ran circles over his knuckles with their thumb. "Sorry I wasn't back in a week."

Solas laughed softly as he stood to put the cloth away. He then made his way behind the chair Emery was sitting in and started undoing the intricate braids that were holding up their hair. "Em, I'm just glad you're here and safe."

Emery sighed happily when his fingers ran through their loose hair, the tips of them working back and forth over their scalp. "Still, I thought we would-"

"Hush now, Vhenan."

His breath was at their ear now, hands moving down their neck and working into the tense muscles. Their shoulders relaxed, head tilting slightly forward.

The only words that were said now were soft spoken elvish. Emery couldn't understand them all, but they were soothing and sent gooseflesh across their skin. They were sure it was loving by the way he was speaking.

Solas was undoing the ties of their clothes now, starting with the pads on their shoulders. He was being so careful. It was as if they were a fragile sheet of glass. He eased the leather down their arms slowly, letting them fall unceremoniously on the floor.

He moved around the chair, fingers trailing along the back of their neck, and began with the ties to their shirt. Soon it had been slipped over Emery's head, added to the pile forming on the floor. He would get to that later, but he was too busy taking in the form in front of him. How they so easily melted into his touch.

He knelt down again in front of them to go for their belt. He wanted them to be able to sit for as long as they could, but it was getting near the time they would need to stand.

Once the belt was undone, he led his palms down their thighs, squeezing them gently as he did so. Emery was beginning to believe he was trying to work them up, but he was only making his way to work on the laces of their boots.

He untied them quickly, sliding them off, then got up and held out his hand. "Come now, I'll take you to the bed."

He didn't have to ask them twice, and they took his hand so he could help them up. He couldn't help himself from pulling them in his arms briefly to brush his lips down their neck.

This earned him a sharp moan, and they almost collapsed forward into his embrace, but he took their hand instead to lead them to the bed. Before he let them sit down, he worked their pants down to their ankles.

Emery sat back and helped him out by lifting their legs so he could pull them completely off. Their foot wrappings we're next, and quick to go. They were only wearing their underclothes now, which was a sheer top and undershorts.

That's when he caught sight of the wound on the back of their calf. "Blackwall told me about the pack of wolves."

Emery leaned forward to cup the side of his face. "That was nearly a week ago. It's basically healed now."

Solas shook his head. "Basically won't do," and with that he got up to get a fresh wet cloth, then came back to wipe at the bite.

Emery winced. Maybe the flesh was angrier than they thought.

"See? If I hadn't caught it fast enough you might have had to amputate your leg," he mused.

"It may be sore, but I know I took care of it enough so that it won't come down to that," Emery laughed, but they couldn't help but to scrunch up their face in pain. It didn't hurt so much to walk with, but touching it out right made it flare up.

"No, truly," Solas lifted their leg a bit higher. "I believe it was at the brink of falling off completely before I came to your rescue.

Emery let out a soft laugh. "You know what, for the sake of my energy levels, I will agree with you," they said, then placed the back of their wrist on their forehead. "Oh, Solas. Whatever would I have done. Without your magical touch I never would have-"

Solas was kissing up from their knee and up their thigh now, which had caught them off guard.

"O-oh-" they could barely get it out before Solas had pressed his lips to theirs; fierce, but soft. It sent a warming sensation through their chest, especially since he was between their legs. The hand that wasn't securely holding onto the back of Emery's neck was holding the back of their knee high up on his waist.

The moment was over quickly, but it had left Emery out of breath and wanting. He had abruptly walked away from them and towards the table with the loaf of bread.

"Wh-where did that come from!?" Emery finally let out, looking at the one before them with bewildered amusement.

"I simply could not help myself, Vhenan," he admitted, and brought the bread over to hand to Emery.

They took it gratefully and ripped a chunk off to stuff in their mouth. “You really are a tease.” they said through chewing.

“There’s more where that came from, I assure you,” he promised, nuzzling their ear affectionately. “Now eat while I bathe the rest of you and get you patched up, my love.”

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[Authors Notes]

this is a repost of a drabble i posted on my main, and honestly, it was so filled with errors, that i am going to delete it.

also, i want all of my stuff in one place