Maybe venting got some shit out that I needed to release. I got 2 good workouts in today and 1 half assed step class.

Yes, I DID A 2 A DAY! OR 3 A DAY? WHATEVER! I DID IT.

Food has been good- primarily leftovers. I have a fridge stocked with ALL the veggies. But there was a storm coming so no matter what, I have no fucking excuses! And excuses don't burn calories OR fat. They just remind me that I suck at keeping promises to myself.

You gotta be about it. In a couple months, I could be in single digit jeans sizes.

Why? Why do you you want it?

If you really wanted it, wouldn't you be doing something about it??

Yeah, 💯 exactly. Time to get after it!

And a bowl of leftover veggies from last night's dinner.

Up next- baking soda & Epsom bath. A collagen tea. More of my book, then bed.

Things I need to remember:

Use all the tools in your toolbox.

Excuses are like wishes; they don't wash dishes.

I fucking got this. I root for everyone like there is no fucking tomorrow. I deserve to root for myself the same fucking way.

Get out of your own way.

You sexy bitch!

WOOOOOOOOO

I haven't been that for like....13 years.

Fuck yes. Yes yes yes. 🙌

So far.... 24 oz water x 2, ACV shot, large cup of lemon water.

Woke up and mom was having an low oxygen episode.

I called in late to work and am sitting with her watching TV until she recovers.

The hardest part of caregiving is focusing on me while focusing on someone else is that I feel like someone always loses and someone always wins. It is hard to focus on 2 things at once.

Hard to deal with everything but I am trying. I tried to relax as much as I can this weekend. I spent time with people I love and care about. 💗

I was really stressed out last week and that makes it hard not to over consume food.

But I have my coach and we are working in things. Focusing on whole foods, drinking water, and working in daily habits for success. Walking daily, cardio as often as I can, and strength classes at least 2-3 x a week at work.

My coach reminded me that my mom would never want me to be harming myself because of her health.

And he is right. She wouldn't. She always wants the best for me. She lets me live here rent free and pays all the bills so I can catch up from my travesty of a marriage. She is supportive of me going to school and doing all the work things.

Working on creating better pathways for stress management.

Some meals:

What can I really say about last night? It went slightly south.

When the eating window opened, I ate all the things in a really short time. Total 700 cals of egg, meat stick, protein shake. That was dumb. Should have been half of that.

I had a cup of green tea with Cinnamon before the workout. It was weird. Lumpy. Need a milk frother for that, for sure. Not super palatable.

I got my minimum of exercise in--which is 20 minutes on the elliptical and 10 miles on the recumbent bike. I just wasn't into it.

I am still watching Prison Break, so I watched TV without exercising a little bit. I just wasn't into exercising. Doing the 10 miles was a little bit of a struggle. And that is ok. Not every day is going to be a gung ho exercise day.

I ended up snacking a little too much on things because I think I waited too long to eat. AND the food that I was planning to make had gone bad! 😪

I had a savory roasted butternut squash all planned out and when I opened the veggie bag it smelled funny. Ugg. Ok. Had to adjust meal plans.

Well, I was craving dessert at that point so I had 2/3 a tub of halotop, a fiber one bar, and light whipped cream. Then a cheeseburger patty (almost didn't eat this because of the calories. But realized I needed to eat protein because that might be causing the hunger management program). Then another fiber one bar. Then a can of no sugar added fruit cocktail.

I did eventually talk myself into meal prepping but God it was tough.

Once I was done cooking, I was tired. So I went to bed early. Which means I went downstairs shortly after 9 and was legit in bed by 10.

And slept later today. Idk wtf.

I didn't get up until 8 am. Yesterday and the day before were about 5 am.

I was super surprised that I weighed less today because I don't feel like I have been pooping as much as normal and generally feel kinda bloated. Despite the daily fiber tabs.

I need a hug.

What did I do right?

Water intake much higher

Green tea with Cinnamon

Waited until after noon for first meal (IF)

What did I do wrong?

Ran out of healthy pre-made meal

Did not have correct ingredients available

Was bored & frustrated

What can I do better today?

Continue trying to drink more water

Move nomorbidity to earlier in the day

Do better on meal & meal spacing

OK what do I want to say about yesterday.

I went to the fellowship dinner, it was good.

I wore an outfit I was not super comfortable with as it shows my shape.

I had invited lots of people to this thing, but no one showed up.

There was a wide variety of food (which I did not take a picture of)(social weird).

I visited with a couple of ladies that I might be becoming friends with now? 🫨 They really seemed awesome. Intelligent women!

My self evaluation is: mostly good WITH TWEAKS NEEDED FOR FUTURE.

I had one plate of the meal. Heavy on the protein, avoided the fried chicken, took the broccoli. Initially took 1 little mini cake.

The tweaks needed:

To quote Alan Roberts, I just need to quit eating so fucking much.

I was socially uncomfortable, and I think I kept going back for this or that to keep busy while I was visiting with new people.

Someone mentioned there was pecan pie, and I realized that I had missed the whole dessert table. I grabbed a piece of pie and 2 cookies.

And eventually went back for more little cakes.

So that is my note to myself. Have the pie, but next time, have a smaller slice. No cookies. No extra cakes. One and done, bitch.

Also, take the nomorbidity before dinner. Am thinking of actually moving it to earlier in the day.

Other note: stop MF shopping. No fucking more. Gawd. The debt you accrue is in fucking sane.

Posting a pic on here is terrifying to me, as I want to stay anonymous. But it is pushing outside my social comfort zone, which I am working on.

I had one where I edited out my face and a bunch of detrius in the background, but idk what happened. I clicked save, and it disappeared, like it just doesn't show up when I try to add pics. I did feel super hot. Even if people could see my shape and my giant insecurity of my giant belly. I think this shirt had a flattering fit, tho. So! wth, here is a closer pick of the top, too.

Yes, I mixed a print and a plaid. And I think this is my first time wearing those boots. I wore a white leather jacket and a teal crossbody purse.

Only 1 half hour workout yesterday, the fit class at work, low impact cardio. But I was a holy terror with cleaning, especially for such a busy day, which actually needed to be done. My legs are still tender from Saturdays workout, so I am not going to chide myself.

The Thesis blend of the day was: Confidence.

I remarked to my sister that I was confident I was getting shit done!

It was an incredibly good feeling to have energy and motivation to do *anything*

Mmk. I am regularly weighing 235-237.

Holy shit can I feel a difference in my body between this and 248-250.

I am continuing my workouts as normal, but added some from the Damn Collective. I am also trying to get outside (in the deep winter, I know!) to exercise more. Snowshoeing. Walking. Outside. Woo!

I did hire a weight loss coach. It has been such a long road and it was such a decent price I jumped on it.

It's the food. Food is the problem. Most food in the Standard American Diet is not healthy. It is engineered to be hyperpalatable... and then people like me struggle because we are always hungry or always craving certain things. It is because they engineered it that way.

I am hoping that I will be able to continue this weight loss journey without losing my effing mind!

He thinks he can get me to 176 in 6 months. That almost made me cry but I am game. Let's go! I haven't been under 226 in 20 years.

I am about to buy my first pairs of size 16 jeans today. For super cheap. I am going to have to go thru my closet and purge a bunch of stuff again. I am ready. I am doing the mental work.

Some of my leggings are fitting me way way loose. I am trying to keep wearing them as long as I can - especially the ones with pockets. When I replace them, all items will have pockets.

He thinks 176 is doable in 6 months!

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Treadmill time + 1 episode of Prison Break