#nighttimethoughts

Perpetually unsure about most things in life but one constant is that I'm always 100% at home when in nature . .. . .. #throwback #californiaadventure #beachtime #me #latergram #endlesssky #nighttimethoughts #exploreeverything #roadtrips #cloudscape (at Crescent City, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CUCKHPyLg0XnpkEfH_7uVPBPOXuF2WKs38meR80/?utm_medium=tumblr

Aquamarine dreams. Ever been plagued by dreams? Not nightmares in the traditional sense, but things your head just knows will fuck you up? Me neither. - #BlueAesthetic #BlueLights #LEDLight #NighttimeThoughts #WhoNeedsPants #HourglassFigure #catsofinstagram (at Toronto, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAWt-p_HO7L/?igshid=uzdsp71d6r56

Wine Time🍷 Im done with my little break. #blogger #blog #cheatingwife #cartoonart #cartoon #nighttimethoughts #nightlife #winetime #winestagram #femaleboss https://www.instagram.com/p/CEBPWtQAUbf/?igshid=b1mdfvxjmo06

Like the flip of a switch I went from a good mood to just bleh... anyone ever have that happen? ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ I think today kinda kicked my ass...⁣ ⁣ I didn’t do a ton of calls, and they weren’t difficult, but when they were and then covering the line. I felt like I didn’t see the station for hours. ⁣ ⁣ I finally got back, finished my charts and then napped. Short but good nap, and then had a conversation with someone that brought up feelings from a call I previously had that *news flash* (and news to me)... I’m not over. ⁣ ⁣ Andddd I’ve been in a weird mood since. Which frustrates me. Like I know I shouldn’t be upset, but here I am... and anyone who knows me knows that makes me more upset. ⁣ ⁣ And I sit here, replaying it “could I have done anything different” no. Simple as that. I often get told I care to much and to “get over it” and the people who say that are 10000000% right... but like how do I change that 😂⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #weirdmood #overthinking #mood #vibe #weirdvibe #changemythinking #turnitaround #blonde #blondie #nighttimethoughts #medic #blondemedic #paramedic #blondeparamedic #fliptheswitch #medicproblems #fitmedic #femaleparamedic ⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/CBzJiX6pDrK/?igshid=1tygj7rzn5j0i

Things in my old life make me angry and sad to think about. I just try to tell myself I wouldn’t have my four beautiful children without him. My life is SO wonderful right now. I can leave money out and know it’s not going to be taken. My kids can save money in a piggy bank for the first time, ever. I can have something expensive and not worry it’s going to pawned at the pawn shop. I can have an operation or have a flare up and if I need pain medication it won’t be stolen from me. Why did I ever live like that for so long? Why did I think staying with him would be a good and healthy for our children to see and want for themselves?!! Why was I so sick?!! So many whys and I’ll get no answer from my ex, but I can learn from my mistakes and never make them again. And try not to get so upset when you are NO help with any part of our children’s lives. Grrrrrr lol ok ok.

“I’ve seen the stars be born and I will watch as they die out. I’ve fallen off of cliffs and watched my bones knit back together. I can’t die, but sometimes I wish I could.”

My life’s potential is slowly trickling through my fingers and when I try to stop the flow of sand, more time seems to evade my grasp.

While writing:  Words. They go here. They are nice to look at. They sound really nice. I love words. I hope you do too.