#mycliff

so, cliff is bisexual as we all well know and oblivious to this fact for a long long long time as we all well know. however☝️once he realizes, he meets this really chill guy who he really likes and hes dating him for a year or so sort of publicly in the way that he just posts about it casually in a “date night with my boy❤️” kinda vibe like he would with a woman hes dating. its more or less called an open secret because cliff never comes out, he just treats it like any other relationship because for him, thats basically what it is.

cliff is subject pretty quickly to homophobic chirps on the ice from the usual suspects, toronto, vegas, florida, guys who do the same to hunter and barrett and ilya and shane are now hitting cliff with the stupid shit but cliff has never once dropped gloves over it because it genuinely doesnt bother him. these guys dont know his boyfriend, have never met him or cliff himself off the ice, they know nothing about his life and he couldnt care less what they have to say because he doesnt even respect them as a person, much less a player. so they give him the same shit and all cliff does is slam them into the boards and goad them into starting fights for power plays, it kind of drives them insane that hes so unshakable.

a year and a half into dating cliffs partner sits him down and tells him that shes trans, and would like to socially and physically transition. shes obviously a bit emotional and nervous to say all this to her boyfriend who plays hockey for a living, explaining that shes happy with him and that she loves him but she cant keep living like this and that she needs to do something about it or her mental health is going to get so much worse, and shes finally getting to the “i understand if you dont want to be with me anymore this isnt what you signed up for” bit of her speech when she finally looks over at cliff and he’s straight cheesing at her so big she has to stop and ask why hes smiling. and listen, cliff is a great boyfriend and he loves his partner, but he is at the end of the day still a himbo. she asks why hes smiling and he is completely honest when he says “so you’re gonna get like, boobs?”

its completely stupid and a bit insensitive but shes been dating him for a year and a half and this isnt new behavior, shes honestly relieved that his biggest question right now is if she wants a boob job and not how fast can she move out. cliff is a boob guy, hes excited as fuck at the prospect of future boobs AND hes now Winning At Being Bisexual because he had a boyfriend and NOW he has a girlfriend and he didnt even have to meet someone new or lose the person he loves its the same person hes loved this entire time!!!

so, he treats this whole thing a bit more delicately publicly because he knows How The League Is and would rather kill himself than expose his girlfriend to transphobic shit when she’s finally coming out of her shell so much and shes looking so much happier every day cliff kind of wonders how he missed how sad she always seemed before. players assume they can do the same shit as always, but now they think they can be transphobic too and get the regular general non reaction.

anyways so what im trying to say is that the first time hes playing one of Those Teams one of the prolifically homophobic players says something transphobic about his girlfriend and cliffs eyes constrict to pinpoints and once he gets a hand on the other guy its over, he doesnt stop until theres 2 guys on each arm pulling him away and hes still trying to swing, he wants him dead but one of his teammates says he was out cold when they took him off the ice which is close enough for cliff to be satisfied. the other guy ends up on a ventilator on the way to the hospital, cliff is suspended from multiple games and fined to the max from the league and arrested for assault but ultimately takes a plea deal for community service and like a 50,000 dollar fine and has to pay the other guys hospital bills.

off the record ilya pays for it all because he loves cliffs girlfriend, he thinks shes one of the coolest people hes ever met and entirely too cool to be dating cliff which he has thought since he met her and it has only solidified since she came out and he has seen how she is dressing. that and he hates that player and that fight is one of his favorite videos on the internet, genuinely he watches it when he’s upset.

cliffs girlfriend thinks hes an idiot for letting what the other guy said get to him but appreciates that hes willing to drop gloves over her while she gets used to being out publicly and navigates medically transitioning. cliff, of course, insists on paying for it all so she never has to worry about the money and can just focus on being happy.

Ilya hosts and Cliff is in charge of snacks. One memorable occasion saw him bring an entire Costco pizza - a revalation, but not to be repeated because Roz burnt the top of his mouth to shit trying to eat it too fast.

They wear unintentionally coordinated outfits - Ilya usually in his Rick Owens and a baggy muscle tank that’s more hole than cloth, and Cliff in Champion sweatpants, funnily enough he’s usually the one who’s shirtless.

Sometimes they’ll try a new show but mostly they rewatch their comfort shows. Their favorites are:

comedies (Parks and Rec, Modern Family, they tried 30Rock but after a while the jokes start to go over their sweet little stoney baloney heads)

procedurals (SVU bc they’re obsessed with Mariska Hargitay and Bones bc the dynamic of the characters is like a big happy family and that is appealing to them for different reasons)

and reality tv (basically any bravo show. They tried Grand Designs once in December of 2016 and Ilya started silently weeping? So Marly quickly put on the christening fight episode of RHONJ)

Nature documentaries (the introduction of 4k tvs to the market really melted their brains. Ilya briefly considered returning the tv after Marly almost broke it the first time. In his defense the snow leopard did look real enough to pet.)