I have come to know that our life is not our own. In the recent events of my life I have come to know that I - do not know. That I do not have the answers and the ones that I thought I trusted and knew. I actually don’t understand and nor do I actually know.
We are told so many things and there are so many out there teaching us. Trying to guide us towards a better life, a pure life, self-awareness and enlightenment. But it is their truth and their life, their lessons to which they through them selves have come to know within themselves. This is a followed truth and not your own truth. This is another source outside of you. This is more searching and more doing, it is more looking outside of you for the answers. Read this book, watch this video, join this group, follow this teacher or guru. Fundamentally this is still all just a following through a process of constructive distractive doing. Â (This in no way implies anyone is wrong or that they are the absolute law in truth in what they say or do) We must always question and seek within.
 I am learning that I do not know, that I cannot know and I have come to a point within me at which I can say, ‘I don’t know’ I have come to a place of surrender from within. I have realised that I am in fact not of my own, that my life is not my own. I have come to realise more than at any point in my life that I have an ego construct that I myself have created as something that must exist and survive in order to become. To become something, to be something, to achieve something and to acquire something. But, if I am not then what am I trying to acquire, if my life is not my own and I am not then what is it I am trying to construct. I have come to the realisation that to become is a selfish and endless journey away from oneself. To try to shape the ego in order to become something, or to try to become something to please the ego is a shapeless dance of self-duality.
 I have come to feel and sense that I have chosen a different life in this physical life journey, and that the life that I have relentlessly tried to make into what I wish it to be for me, is not my own. I have come to realise that surrender is the only way to walk the path. I have come to understand faith. Faith is letting go and completely surrendering the full totality of the self and yet understanding that All in its chaos is exactly as it is meant to be.
 I know now that I don’t know who I am, and that I am not singular and separate but connected to all. I know now that I am not one thing or one being. In accepting that I am not a singular I realise that I am everything and through that I am connected to everything because I am that which is all. I have come to call it - pint 0.
 In letting go and in full surrender you become what you have always been. You become connected to all in the collective and expansive ever existing growing and loving Christ consciousness. You finally understand what is when we say - I Am.
‘I Am that I Am, for ALL that I AM I AM and this I know I AM’. A mantra I came up with years ago and finally understand.
I can now see that this life I have chosen to undertake in this embodiment, is not the one that I had with my mind constructed and fought to bring into existence through my old way of thinking. I now realise that my life is not mine, and that I cannot construct it within the mind of which I had because that construct does not fit within the divine plan that is to be allowed by letting go and having faith. Resistance to the divine will is the difficult pain that you feel as you are faced with breaking your layered mirrors and constructs of the egoic self in its quest to survive. Â I finally see that it is not my will but thy higher will be done and I am a part of that will. I am not my own but part of the plan.
 In letting go completely you are not giving up, you are not throwing in the towel. You are in fact empowering yourself as you finally become all things as you re-connect with out limitation of the mind and the ego construct to all that is. And In so doing you become all and all becomes possible.
 My realisation comes to me at a time where I have become tired of myself and my own constant chasing. I have become tired of my own fear and mind constantly trying to hold on and to be something and create something. Constantly deciding for me that it is right and that it knows better, that it knows what to do and that to do as it says will be my salvation. In all this doing and constant searching and constant trying to be. I have come to know that it is just more construction. More ego disguised as trying to live a better life all the while creating more mirrored walls in the maize, I have formulated around myself, who quietly sits in the centre.
 When we let go completely, we realise that we are not just a meat sack walking the earth, neither are we just this person, this colour, this man or woman with the self-imposed expectations of what this is meant to symbolise or be based on external conditioning. How we should live, look, what we should have and what we think we need to be happy. We realise that what we are IS wrapped up in layers upon layers of identities that don’t exist.
