#mbtimyths

So I went to https://sociotype.com/tools/ and used the intertype relationship calculator to get a gist of how they rank the relationships. (I'll translate the Socionics lingo to MBTI in the parentheses.) I'll also use this graphic to illustrate Model A through Jung's archetypes:

I found that they score types that value the same functions (dominant through inferior) the highest– let’s call this the “soulmate” group. Second highest are the types that share only two valued functions AND two independent/dependent functions (think of dominant/inferior and auxiliary/tertiary as “sets”, represented by the heads vs hands above: hands do what heads signal)– call this the “peer” group. Third are the types that ONLY share two valued functions– call this “transactional” group. Lowest are the types that do not share any valued functions– call this “opposite” group. Each group has sub-criteria to determine ranking within that group.

In the soulmate group, functions in the same sets rank above functions in opposite sets; then, functions in opposite positions rank above functions in the same position.

In the peer group, shared functions in opposite positions rank highest; then, as the tiebreaker, I ranked the relationships with mirrored (Ni/Ne, etc.) leading (dom) functions higher.

In the transactional group, the subject ranks relationships differently than their partner. Relationships in which the subject’s creative (aux) function is matched or mirrored by the partner’s leading (dom) function are ranked highest; then, relationships in which the subject’s leading (dom) function is complemented (Ni/Se, etc.) or mirrored by the partner’s creative (aux) function rank higher.

In the opposite group, functions in the same sets rank highest; then, leading (dom) functions of the same orientation (i or e) rank higher.

So... what the hell does this ACTUALLY mean in MBTI terms, you ask? Let’s break it down type by type (using INFJ as example subject)

Duality: same values, same sets, opposite order; balanced strengths and weaknesses with aligned priorities (dom Ni complements dom Se, aux Fe complements aux Ti)

Identity: same values, same sets, same order; aligned priorities but unbalanced (total match, no complements)

Activation: same values, opposite sets, opposite order; balanced but priorities are misaligned (dom Ni complements aux Se, aux Fe complements dom Ti)

Mirror: same values, opposite sets, same order; misaligned priorities and unbalanced (dom Ni matches aux Ni, aux Fe matches dom Fe)

Mirage: half same values, same dependent set in opposite order; similar perspectives with balanced strengths and weaknesses (dom Ni mirrors dom Ne, aux Fe complements aux Ti)

Semi-duality: half same values, same independent set in opposite order; balanced but perspectives dissimilar (dom Ni complements dom Se)

Congenerity: half same values, same independent set in same order; unbalanced but perspectives similar (dom Ni matches dom Ni)

Cooperation: half same values, same dependent set in same order; unbalanced and perspectives dissimilar (aux Fe matches aux Fe)

Recruit: half same values, subject’s aux function mirrored by partner’s dom, dom function complemented by aux; subject’s critical function is triggered (aux Fe mirrors dom Fi, dom Ni complements aux Se, crit Fi triggered by dom Fi)

Supervisor: half same values, subject’s aux function matched; partner’s trickster function is triggered (aux Fe matches dom Fe, dom Ni triggers trix Ni)

Recruiter: half same values, subject’s dom function mirrored; partner’s critical function is triggered (dom Ni mirrors aux Ne, dom Ni triggers crit Ni)

Supervisee: half same values, subject’s dom function matched; subject’s trickster function is triggered (dom Ni mirrors aux Ni, trix Te triggered by dom Te)

Super-ego: opposite values, same sets, same orientation; two sides of the same coin (introverted doms, backwards opposites)

Extinguishment: opposite values, same sets, opposite orientation: same side of matching coins (mirror opposites)

Quasi-identity: opposite values, opposite sets, same orientation: two sides of matching coins (introverted doms, inside-out mirror)

Conflict: opposite values, opposite sets, opposite orientations: foreign currencies (inside-out and backwards mirror)

This was the hardest ask I’ve received in years, and I learned a lot while finding an answer! Thanks for the ask anon, and please send us documentation of your game. I’d love to share the finished product!

DO be prudent. An INFJ x ISTP couple can easily fall into an anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, in which the INFJ becomes dysregulated when the ISTP seeks distance due to overwhelm. Unaddressed, this may develop into codependence: the ISTP perceives neglect on the part of the INFJ, feels unsafe, and compensates through hyper-independence to avoid the pain of unmet needs; meanwhile the INFJ predicts abandonment by the ISTP, feels insecure, and vacillates between frantically fawning to prevent it and liquidating affinity to prepare for it. Don’t write off symptoms of this pattern, and nip it in the bud when you see it. The INFJ will feel loved because you noticed and took action.

DO NOT write off intuitions. While the ISTP will likely be first to notice symptoms of a problem, the INFJ will often understand the root of the problem before the ISTP can observe it. The ISTP does not have to immediately accept the INFJ’s conclusion, but they should explore it as a lead rather than stubbornly refusing to take action.

DO NOT ask before affirming. In their quest for internal consistency, the ISTP may unintentionally demand that the INFJ first articulate their reasoning before validating their assertions. INFJs often struggle to know their own wants and needs, let alone to express them; thus what may be intended by the ISTP to be a thoughtful question for clarification may be taken by the INFJ as a dubious interrogation. The ISTP should reply to assertions from the INFJ with “yes, and” statements when appropriate.

DO guess. Although ISTPs are inept in empathy, they often have strong imaginations– so while they may feel blind trying to “read” an INFJ, they can hypothesize what’s going on in the INFJ’s head. Hearing “my best guess is that you are...” from an ISTP says to the INFJ “I’ve not only been collecting pieces of you, but also am trying to put them together.”

DO NOT assume. Unlike a guess, if you don’t seek to verify your inference, you’ve made an assumption. The ISTP should avoid gambling with the INFJ in this way, especially with the assumption that there is more time. The ISTP shouldn’t wait to tell the INFJ when something is bothering them, nor assume the INFJ isn’t bothered because they’ve said nothing.

DO set boundaries. Because the ISTP views the world through logical structures, they don’t always realize that others are not informed of the rules implicit in those structures. While the ISTP sees each rule as derived from straightforward logic, the INFJ was likely doing mental gymnastics and jumped over some rules. Thus, the ISTP should communicate these rules through boundary-setting; rather than imposing the rules on the INFJ, the ISTP can explain which rules they will not stray from and request that the INFJ honor subsequent restrictions.

DO NOT set double standards. Although ISTPs value consistency, they may miss the overarching themes and essential principles that correlate disparate circumstances, thus allowing them to develop separate and dissonant justifications for equivalent scenarios. Eventually the INFJ, valuing harmony of execution, will call out the ISTP on this and request they hold integrity to a single standard.

DO NOT make promises. The ISTP, lacking the foresight of the INFJ, may feel tempted to make promises far into the future, perhaps to manifest dreams— but if they do not understand how the INFJ will internalize the promise into their personal vision, they'll be unprepared when the INFJ holds them to it. The INFJ likely expects this and will break their own heart as they grieve the promise they know cannot be fulfilled. Thus, the ISTP makes the INFJ insecure by making promises; instead, the ISTP should build the INFJ's faith in them through consistent action. Promising to kiss the INFJ tomorrow isn't enough to assure them; kiss them every night so they will believe they'll be kissed tomorrow.

DO give a shit. While INFJs have great capacity for compassion and concessions, they privately harbor core principles which to them are inviolable. The undeveloped or unhealthy ISTP believes nothing is certain and everything can be compromised (a conviction they hold to be universal, ironically,) which feeds their apathy and absolute relativism. Over time, the INFJ will become fed up with the ISTP's detachment, seeing it as a lack of character at best, cowardice at worst.

DO care about yourself. If the ISTP doesn't know how to do this, cognitive behavioral therapy is a great start, and seeking it would be the first act of care they can show themself. If they don't, the INFJ will expend energy to compensate, and this unsustainable intensity of emotional labor will burn them out. Additionally, the ISTP must rest for the sake of resting, not for productivity.

DO NOT shut them out. Yes INFJs are emotional sponges, but ISTPs should not keep their pain and struggles secret in order to shield them; not only does it impede communication, but also leaves the INFJ feeling bereft and disconnected. The INFJ will not demand more of the ISTP than they can give, but of that they will desire 100%. The ISTP can remain private, but should be open to sharing themself selflessly when appropriate.

DO be willing. ISTPs often value freedom above all else; untempered, this can devolve into hedonism. The ISTP must be willing to suffer in the right direction. The INFJ will see and cherish the growth and healing this cultivates.

DO NOT substitute intimacy for vulnerability. INFJs love to spend time in the physical presence of their lover– however, if that time is not spent intensifying connection, they'll grow resentful as their time could be spent more meaningfully alone. For the ISTP, inviting the INFJ into proximity of their solitude is vulnerable in itself, making it easy to slip into complacency about the quality of time spent together. The ISTP should consider how to make mundane moments memorable with their INFJ.

DO reflect. ISTPs should be intentional about introspection when partnered with an INFJ. The INFJ will not only feel validated when the ISTP takes their insight to heart, but also benefit from the nuanced insight the ISTP yields in turn.

The benefits of all this effort? The ISTP will tune into the big picture. They will not only show up with their full self, but also feel like their full self, and receive unconditional positive regard from their INFJ, who will strive to love them with their whole self.