#long process

It’s a long process

But this hard work will pay off in the end

I have been contemplating over how lengthy, complicated, and exhausting the journey is to get a PhD. I was therefore not very surprised to discover that only 2% of the population in the UK have a PhD. The highest percentage around the world can be found in Slovenia, but even then that’s only 5%. I’m going to remember that statistic whenever I doubt my capabilities. 

What I am finding difficult at present, is the lack of conversation around the come down after the PhD. After your viva, everyone sort of expects you to just resume normal life, but life has been very abnormal for at least 4 years by this point, and a PhD does not just magically finish after the viva. There are still corrections to do, papers to write, and presentations to give on the outcomes of your work. 

PhDs are REALLY hard and they have a massive impact on your personality and mental health. My partner, friends, and family seem to be under the illusion that I am somehow suddenly going to be my old ‘going out, bubbly, non-busy’ self again. However, most days I just want to sit in silence, alone, processing the impact the PhD has had on my life and my wellbeing. The experience, although incredible, is also traumatic, and there is a dependence you build on your work and the process itself. There is, of course, a feeling of celebration for the freedom regained after a PhD and a huge sense of achievement, but also a mourning for a loss of purpose and unwavering dedication to one specific subject. 

I also realised how isolating PhDs are and how lonely I have been. Since joining my new company, I remembered everything that I missed about working as part of a team. The pandemic has exacerbated that state of solitude even further. 

Furthermore, no-one talks about the financial implications of a PhD. Even if you manage to submit your thesis prior to the end of your funding period, there is still a long way to go to finish the degree, which will likely put you out financially. My funding ended in September, I submitted in January, had my viva in March, am still waiting on my corrections in April, and will likely not see them until May. Assuming I receive them by May, I then have three months to do them (with major corrections, that number can go up to twelve). My internal examiner then has to approve the corrections and everything needs to be signed off by faculty, including any thesis supporting documents, before a degree can be awarded. So, that’s at least ten months of the process being completely unfunded. I am fortunate in that not only did I manage to save four months worth of salary for the period after my funding ended, but in that I also have a job. However, I am still very much part time, and despite my best efforts not to be, I am in debt. And mine is a very fortunate scenario. Sigh.

Anyhow, I wanted to put these thoughts to paper as I believe it is important to talk about these things and provide other PhD candidates with realistic expectations and struggles of undertaking such a difficult degree. 

I know that I am not quite done yet, but despite all the PhD challenges and the slow transition away from PhD life, and I am sure that it will take a good while before I start to feel like ‘myself’ again, I wouldn’t trade the experience of doing a PhD for the world; it was worth every second.

Picture: The mood of this post. Source: Alena Aenami. 

White Hat: *looking absolutely exhausted* Tiring, anon. I'm still not finished. I have much rebuilding to do to make up for all I destroyed.... honestly. I don't think reformation truly ends. Theres always room for improvement, right?

Oof, it's been awhile since I posted! I've been working on a JSE egos, Anti, Darkiplier animation! This is the first time in awhile that I've been doing digital art! It's quite a work in progress! I've been working on this fanart for 10 hours so far! I'm really taking my time on this one because I really want to be proud of this one!

***