#long notes

Dalam hidup, semua ingin segala sesuatunya terjadi dengan instan, dengan cepat, tanpa harus menunggu lama. Biasanya karena kita memang dasarnya gak sabaran dan langsung ingin memetik hasilnya aja.

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The hard truth is, segala sesuatunya butuh proses, butuh waktu, bahkan terkadang juga terjadi dalam waktu yang cukup panjang.

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Kalo itu terjadi, biasanya kita akan jadi jenuh, capek, malah sering juga bertanya pada diri sendiri, "Nih yang aku lakuin ada hasilnya gak sih?"

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Di saat itu terjadi, kita justru memilih ingin berhenti karena udah terlama menunggu, dan langsung menyimpulkan kalo yang lakuin hanyalah sia-sia.

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PADAHAL GAK AKAN ADA YANG SIA-SIA. Memang belum waktunya aja, memang belum saatnya itu terjadi.

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Setiap kita punya jalannya masing-masing, punya waktunya masing-masing, punya ceritanya masing-masing. Hanya aja yang diinginkan belum terjadi, bukan berarti gak akan terjadi. Bukan. Bukan itu.

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Percaya selalu, yang terbaik dan yang terindah akan hadir di waktu yang paling tepat.

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Kuatin sabarnya, tambahin semangatnya.

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Observing yourself and not feeling bad about what you find. That’s great.

You know what’s also great?

The real world! It’s pretty great, honestly. 

Cause here’s the thing. 

I’ve been avoiding the real world with music. 

But I want to play the game, you know what I mean? This world is the only one in which I get to play. 

And creating worlds for other people to escape too is all well and good, but it is not everything.

My professor said, take a job in corporate and get your fulfillment elsewhere so you can make a living. I’m not gonna listen to that advice, but the other thing she said?

Work should never be everything.

This is not a concept that has occurred to me. Generally, I believe that I want it to be everything, and that it should be everything. 

But there is also this idea of having several things you care about, so you never lose everything. 

There’s also the concept of applying knowledge and how good that feels. 

Fuck. I want to talk to people. I want to play the game right now but I can’t because I can’t. I mean I guess I could. But it’s inconvenient. I guess it’s always inconvenient though, so I should any way if I really want to.

I know I was thinking this last year, but. Nothing you create is all of you. And it shouldn’t be. Nothing is everything. 

Playing the game.

It’s something I’ve talked about before, pretty recently I think.

It’s a mental cleanliness thing. It’s so that it doesn’t exist if it doesn’t exist online or in my head. No in between. And if there is in-between, it’ll be sparse and I’ll be aware of it. 

I am a full, real person. I change. I leave a legacy of things. I am not the sum of those things. 

Playing the game in daily life: a concept. 

What’s the game here? Is something I could be asking myself in situations in life. 

But also, what do I do with all my thoughts and ideas? I mean I sort them yes, but then with the sorted things? I guess you do what it implies. It takes a lot more time and thought than it should, honestly. But that’s growth for you

Can we talk about habit building for a second actually? 

I tend to get a lot of ideas for things that I want to do, or things that I want to be regularly. 

And I’ve built habits.

But a lot gets lost, and I want to address that. 

Having an idea for a habit kind of is useless unless you connect it to an action. And a lot of my habit ideas exist in my internal game, but not outside of it. I also recognize that we can only have so many things in our awareness at once, and that it’s stupid to try and build 6 different things simultaneously. 

The point of all the self development stuff is mainly to feel secure in your clarity and everything. That being said, that’s a lie, and it’s kind of stupid to try and control all of your awareness in every area of your life, at least at the same time. 

How you build a habit? It’s that you seize the opportunity when the opportunity presents itself, when it occurs to you, even though it will feel out of character at first. 

You build the habit when you know what to look out for to trigger the habit. When something triggers the habit, even. 

When you’re actually doing it when it occurs to you to do it, then it’s a habit. So the first step is to get it to occur to you to do it, and then you have to actually do it, even if it is out of character at first. 

Cause think about it. There are a lot of things that occur to us frequently that we don’t do. There are a lot of things that we do do, even if we don’t want to. So that’s really the steps in building or breaking a habit. Not declarations. But having it occur to you, and doing it. Or having it occur to you, and not doing it. 

I want to get in the habit of relaxing. Or maybe meditating or something. Because there is a fear that certain habits I want to build will take up so much time that I won’t feel like I’m ever stopping, and as much as I would like to always have that feeling, it will come crashing down if the habits are built on that mindset. 

I can make a habit list. Maybe I will. But I do have to clarify that whatever it may say, it is not everything, and it may not be fully accurate, because I, let me reiterate, am a person, and therefore, I change!

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So, how do we play the game?

Weirdly enough, there’s a reflective element from what I was just talking about before. Wanna guess what it is?

Awareness. 

It’s always key!

But then, how do we play the game.

In a game, you either have someone or something that you’re playing against, right?

So step one is to find a game, step two is to play it, step three, is obviously to win.

And it’s funny because people obsess over those prizes. Money, sex, love.

Actually is love a prize? I don’t know. That’s probably a thing to come back to.

Either way, you’re playing a game when there’s a prize to be won, something/someone you’re playing against, and you have the capabilities and knowledge and equipment to play. 

That last part is probably the most important though, because the “ticket” to play is a challenge in and of itself. That being said, it can be it’s own game, kind of. You’ve just got to know your prize and your tactics. And you’ve also got to know the strengths and weaknesses that you’re going into it with, and the limitations that are on you. 

We’re not always playing games either. But we enjoy them. Very much. 

I should think about my life in terms of the games that I’m playing. 

But also I want to talk about where love plays into that.

Because I just had a HUGE realization in that field, really kinda fucked things up in a really good way though. 

(Also new experiences breed new ideas, in case you didn’t rEALIZE)

But, is that a game? In the world, yes?

But it’s the type of thing where you’re maybe not playing for a prize.

AH yes. That’s the caveat that I wanted to discuss, prizes.

In some games, you play until you win or lose.

In others, you have small victories and loses, but the game doesn’t ever have to end. 

And those are not not worth playing because they have no end. In fact, they’re arguably more worth playing. But with those, to stay interested, you still want to set prizes and goals and things. Little victories. Why? Because that keeps you playing. 

I’m starting to think that security is really a funny concept. Cause it doesn’t really exist. People think it does, because there are some games where you have to complete a quest, and then you get to play in the spoils of that quest for the rest of time. But then, you stop playing if you don’t have things to do.

Hello! If you are here that means you would like to know some more things about the Onmyoji AU I am writing “The Bonds of Time”

So some notes:

1. The story was heavily inspired by Mo Dao Zu Shi. I fantastic series that I got into and all the magic and story telling has made me want to combine it with Naruto!

2. That being said, the story does NOT follow MDZS to the letter. It has become its own thing.

3. I am pulling a lot of inspiration for the designs, legends, folkore, culture, etc, not just from Japan but from all Asiatic countries. 

That being said, I am no means an expert on these cultures and will most likely be a collage of pieces together. I will try to put footnotes at the end of chapters one what parts were inspired by what cultures. But if I accidentally miss something or forget to, I apologize now. 

4. This is the first LONG TERM story that I am writing in MANY years, so I am sorry if updates are long or any other problems that could arise. This is a very overwhelming task I foresee ahead of me @_@

Joy on the Tube

Very often, as busy people with busy lives, we find ourselves going from one occurrence to the other, carving out our own section of the world to eventually die in. Such go our lives, until a spontaneous meeting momentarily opens up the curtains of our eyes to the world around us. Unfortunately for many of us, these meetings rarely pop up, generally with small audiences. And so, it is with the…