#letter 28

”Sri Ramana Maharshi” photo - Sri Ramanasramam

BRAHMASTHRAM (DIVINE WEAPON)

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Letter 28, 22nd January, 1946

Yesterday or the day before, a boy of about 18 years of age came here on a cycle from some place. After sitting in the hall for a quarter of an hour, he went to Bhagavan and asked, “After crossing Omkar, where to merge?” With a smile Bhagavan said, “Oh, is that so? Wherefrom did you come now? Where will you go? What is it you want to know? Who really are you? If you first tell me who you are, you can then question me about Omkar.” “I do not know that even,” said the boy. Then Bhagavan said, “You know for certain that you are existent. How are you existent? Where really were you before? What exactly is your body? First find that out. When you know all that, you can ask me questions if you still have any doubts. Why should we worry where Omkar merges, and after it merges why worry about what comes next, when it ceases to exist? Where do you merge ultimately? How do you come back? If you first find out your state and your movements, we can think of the rest.” When Bhagavan said all this, the boy could not give any reply and so went away after bowing before Bhagavan. What other brahmasthram (divine weapon) is there against a questioner? If only that weapon is used, the questioner is silenced.

You may ask, “Who gave the name of ‘brahmasthram’ to the stock reply of Bhagavan, ‘Find out who you are?’.” Two or three years back, when a sannyasi boasted about having read all books on religious matters and began asking Bhagavan all sorts of questions, he repeatedly gave the same answer, “Find out who you are”. When the sannyasi persisted in his meaningless questions and arguments, Bhagavan in a firm tone asked him, “You have been asking me so many questions and entering into so many arguments. Why don’t you reply to my questions and then argue? Who you are? First answer my question. Then I will give you a suitable reply. Tell me first who it is that is arguing.” He could not reply, and so went away.

Some time later, I developed this idea and wrote five verses on ‘Divya Asthram’ and showed them to Bhagavan, when he said, “Long ago when Nayana (Ganapati Muni) was here, Kapali also used to be here. If they wanted to ask me anything, they would fold their hands first and say, ‘Swami, Swami, if you will promise not to brandish your brahmasthram, I will ask a question.’ If during conversation the words ‘Who are you?’ escaped my lips, he used to say, ‘So you have fired your brahmasthram. What more can I say?’ They called it brahmasthram and you are calling it ‘Divya Asthram’.” After that, I too started using the word brahmasthram. Really, who is not humbled by that asthram?

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Letters from Sri Ramanasramam, by Suri Nagamma (pdf)

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I’ve been looking forward to writing your letter. Your email and your answers were so honest and raw – something I truly appreciate. I like people who can express and own up to their own thoughts and feelings. What else is worth it anyway? If we can manage to understand, observe and communicate that only, our life would be a successful one.

Okay, so I want you try this thing out before you read the letter further. A little experiment, if you may. Watch + hear this video out without turning on the English captions. Once you’re done, turn on the English captions and see it again. Okay? I’ll wait.

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Are you back? So, when I first saw it years ago and didn’t have the captions on, it sounded like a love song to me – sweet and lovely. Later, when I saw the lyrics and realised what the song was actually saying I was shocked, amused and impressed. It managed to capture the essence of most relationships, sadly. And how it can all seem lovely and perfect at first but soon, all the frills and flowers fall and all that’s left behind is the truth. And as I’ve learned:

The truth is pathetic, sad, and pitiful, just like that. Because it’s truly painful when your earnestness is rejected by someone else.

After hearing everything about your love life and how you feel, it gave me this sweet sorrow feeling. I’ve experienced it, all of it, in different ways at different points of my life. You know what else gives me a weirdly nostalgic, sweet sorrow feeling? Murakami books. If you haven’t read them, I’d recommend South of the border, west of the sun and Sputnik Sweetheart.

Being with someone you don’t feel absolute love for is a disservice to them and yourself. I understand not wanting to hurt them but this is my logic. If you tell them now and break up with them, it will hurt, yes. Definitely! But if you wait and the relationship falls apart later, it’s going to hurt so much more. The earlier it hurts, the lesser it will hurt. Don’t let them get more attached to you or the idea of your relationship because with time that’s just going to grow stronger and then hurt that much more. It’s hard but you must never let anyone think you love them unless you truly do.

You yourself beautifully explained what love means to you – Love to me means a combination of pain and happiness. The natural sincere urge /feeling of happiness by just being with your partner and the constant worry about how genuine and commitment the other person is.

It’s supposed to be natural, undeniable! And when you doubt if it is, I definitely isn’t. And why would you want to leave the other person in constant worry about your genuine your commitment to them is?

Anyway, that’s my two cents on that. Whatever you decide to do, good luck. I just hope that you can always be true to yourself and to those around you. That’s how we can eat well and sleep well. And those two metrics are so underrated but I think they very well reflect how a person feels on the inside. And I want you to eat well and sleep well. I want you to live a life where you’re only surrounded by people you love genuinely who also love you back just the same.

On another note, your friend Kawthar sounds lovely. We all need friends who are wise, smart and who we adore completely. I have a few of those in my life and I don’t know how I would have any laughter or comfort in my life if I didn’t have them. I am glad you have that too.

It’s been a long time since 2016, the last time you felt loved! You know what 2016 was for me? A very, very hard year. It was a year that everyone I loved abandoned me. There’s this quote, that would help explain what they did:

“There are 3 types of people you should never forget:

Those who help you when you’re stuck.

Those who leave you when you’re stuck.

Those who corner you when you’re stuck.”

Some of those people belong to category 2, others to category 3. None to category 1. And these were supposed to be people who belonged to category 1 because they were the ones I valued the most. But when they showed me who they really were in 2016, I struggled a lot at first, of course. But in that process I also saw who I really was – strong and capable of loving myself.

If I didn’t have the year 2016, I wouldn’t have me as I am now. And I quite like as I am now so in retrospect, I’m very grateful for 2016. I think some of the moments I feel the most loved in are the moments I would have never expected – because those are the moments I show up for myself. Every time I do the thing that is right for me even though the devil inside me, who wants nothing but my downfall, tries to convince me otherwise. Every time I spend time by myself and enjoy every bit of it. Every time I say no to someone because saying yes would leave me feeling like a doormat. Every time I stand up for myself. All of these are acts of love.

Wishing so many acts of love for you!

Love,

Nikki

I wrote this letter for Abubakar based on some questions they answered. You can read the questions and their answers here.

Guys - I have received 29 people’s responses for The Love Project - 29 days of love letters. So I won’t be accepting anymore, however, you can read other letters here.

leakjflksd,

Changed my life and I told you. I wonder how you feel about that. I know you don't want to talk about it. I'd really like to know why you cried though. Was it touching? Did it remind you of something that happened to you? I mean really though. I learned a lot, contrary to your belief. And really, I think you learned things too even though you claim you didn't. You must have learned something. I'm glad we met and went through what we went through. It's not a sad closing really, but it's not exactly happy either. It sucks that it happened, like I told you already. I'm happy for you though, with all that stuff you told me about her. I was and am genuinely happy for you. Just so you know, I guess it was nice that you said you were going to try and text me once a day just to say whats up but I don't know how that's going to work. I appreciate the care you've shown me. I appreciate it so much. You made me feel really loved and I want to thank you for that even if it was something you wanted to do. All that stuff I said to you was true for me and I'm so serious. It's unfortunate but I feel like we got to know each other pretty well actually through everything. You know things about me that I didn't even know myself and I read your actions and could tell how you felt or what you might have been thinking and I like that about this. I really do think we'll be fine being friends, maybe even better than fine. Anyway, I'm glad we went through this together. I look back and laugh sometimes. I hope you do too.

girlie, yeah thats right another letter to you, so honestly when i first met you i was confused as to who i was supposed to be friends with, most of my old friends had different interests than i had. i dont remember the first exact time i met you but the first time we started becoming friends i believe was at a girls sleepover at our youth group. from there i remember you invinting me and my brother to your cookie swap and from there we became closer and best friends. either way from you dating my brother we got closer and even though you and my brother didnt work out im still glad that you are in my life, you helped me realize where i belonged, i didnt need friends at school since i had you as a best friend. it took us both a while to really open up to each other but thats okay lol. you will always have a place in my life, were going to move in with each other, then eventually marry super nice and handsome guys, have kids that will be best friends. ill be right by your side forever!

Ryan,

Who am I kidding? You don't want me back.

But I'm not giving up. Whatever it takes, I'LL DO IT.

Why? Because I love you. There's no other way to explain it. I fucking love you.

I can't write this. It'd take me years.

Everybody I have ever known has changed my life in some way, shape or form and will continue to do so until I die. From my parents, to my siblings. To my teachers, to my friends, to strangers on the bus. To shop assistants who held my eye contact for a split second longer than normal. To the people I love, loved, loathed... To myself.

No single person has had a big enough impact on my life for me to write this to a specific person. Maybe I'm just not thinking about it hard enough, not diving deep enough. But I think when something like that happens YOU-WILL-KNOW for sure... Right?