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Carmilla (2014-2017) really did have it all huh. Lesbians. Vampires. Cults. Mildly toxic main relationship. Canon nonbinary character. Most of the action happening offscreen. Shitty special effects. One (1) straight character and he was a himbo. Sponsored by a period products brand. Some pretty damn good costuming for that low of a budget. And it was all literally just a college au fanfic of a novel from the 19th century. Truly peak entertainment.
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Black Forest Ice Cream Cake
kirsh watching you touch yourself on the cameras in your room and you don't even know it
i don't remember if there were more shower asks but if not, could we possibly get more of that shower asks especially with the personal guns (and also ninety I can't remember if he technically is a personal gun or if he's just little but him too please <3)
Yep, Ninety is a little gun/PDW! Generally, body size correlates to gun size (with some exceptions, like Arisaka and Benetta...).
. . .
Ninety
He takes it well enough— people bathe dogs, after all! You're just awfully nice for doting on him so much. In no time, Ninety gets all shivery from your touch, trembling so badly that you'll practically have to hold him in your lap to keep him upright. All the warmth and contact feel so good that it's hard to make his body cooperate. Even if he's a bit nervous, he's still so, so very grateful for the spoiling.
Kirsch
He has no idea how to process affection outside of a sexual context, so that's exactly what he does. Tries to make it sexual. That has to be the reason why you're pretending to dote on him, right? When nothing sexual happens, Kirsch suddenly has a lot worse time processing this. He's fidgeting in place, visibly nervous and flustered with having to just sit there and let you spoil him. It's not fair.
Mauser
He fully assumes that this is going to be just another way of serving you. Even if you let him help you first, being bathed feels terribly doting. Mauser is even more uncomfortable because of how much he likes it. Being held and cared for by his Master feels so right that it's hard to properly protest. Despite his reluctance, it's impossible not to give in and relax when you're handling him so thoroughly.
Karl
Bathing together is a bit... intimate, isn't it? If not that, then is this another attempt to treat him like a child? Karl is hesitant to do anything that might make him look pathetic or undignified in front of you, but if you insist, he has no choice but to endure. The worst part is that he doesn't actually hate it. Being touched and cared for feels nice, so long as you're not too patronizing about it.
Cutlery
He's so very flustered. As much as Cutlery likes the idea of being spoiled, he's way too embarrassed to accept it without a fight. When you finally talk him into it, he tries to huddle up in the corner of the shower and avoid as much contact as possible, afraid that he's going to do something stupid if he lets himself enjoy it. That, of course, doesn't stop him from melting once you actually touch him.
Benetta
Another one who assumes this is going to be sexual, though Benetta is less unsettled when that doesn't turn out to be the case. Merely showering together shouldn't be significant... until it is. So much close contact with Master is very, very different than with another gun, and he wasn't at all prepared for that. He gets quiet and pliant, halfway spacing out while his brain struggles to catch up.
I absolutely love kirsch. Its not 100% clear right now because some of his behavior is seemingly contradictory, but I think what's happening with him is he's a parent to the hybrids but he's specifically a *synth* parent. Synths are created as fully formed beings who already have all of their foundational characteristics, but the hybrids start their existence as *human* children and must be taught to be synthetic.
So kirsch is trying to mold them into these emotionless, intelligent, strategic, rational beings. He bonds with Isaac because he wants to be a perfect scientist. He let's Morrow blackmail slightly because it helps him win their chess game but also because he believes slightly shouldn't care about his human connections. Even when he gives what sounds like a typical "parental moral lesson" to Wendy via the scorpion, I think it's ultimately about a emphashizing a logical/rational (?) Worldview.
Which is intriguing because typically you either get a story where robots are completely uninterested in parenthood, or where the robots are inherently human and able to parent accordingly. But Kirsch is a completrly alien style of parenting.
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One of my biggest takeaways from 2025?
Kirsch walked the creepy hyper loyal sociopathic albino Weyland-Yutani scientist synth way so Tessa could run.
Headcanon that the female synths we see in Badlands are the models descended from Kirsch.
Whoever brought this role to Timothy Olyphant's attention as A Thing He Should Do™️ deserves a fuggin raise.
honestly ? incredibly satisfied by Kirsch's "Isaac.... tootles" reaction.
