#housespouse

I had planned to go the gym today, but I don't think it would be good for me. Which is frustrating, I want to exercise more and get stronger and fitter. But I won't be strong and fit if I burn out.

So instead, today I will do some gentle housework and otherwise rest.

If you believe Instagram, you will have a perfect, glamorous life if you are a professional photographer. Even if you're a frazzled stay-at-home mom, your house and children will be just the right amount of dirty where it looks homey, and people sympathize, but aren't revolted. (Also, your messy bun will be just the right amount of messy and the fitness wear that LuLuLemon sent you to rep to your followers will fit perfectly and make you look like you work out regularly. And if you do, you'll still look great at the end because hey, you're wearing LuLuLemon!) Fortunately for the InstaGlammers, they make enough money to buy all organic foods, organic cleaning supplies and the perfect home decor so their clean white houses are always ready for an impromptu photo shoot about how grateful they are for ______.

I wrote this tirade post three years ago, when I was two months postpartum with my son. I was exhausted, operating on less than 3 hours of consecutive sleep, overwhelmed by my house, my cats had fleas and were destroying everything they could get their claws on each night, my husband was constantly sick and finances were stressing me out as I wasn't working, my husband couldn't get work, and our debt was building. In the midst of this, I was desperate to fit into this dress I hadn't gotten to wear yet. I had all but convinced myself during pregnancy that my body was ruined and I would never be beautiful again. Thus, two months after giving birth I squeezed myself into the dress, did my hair and makeup and took some personal glamour pictures.

Then I looked around and realized I'd spent 45 minutes getting ready and my house was still a disaster. I blamed it on the pressures of Instagram, but really, the problem was me. I had moved out from my parents house just over a year earlier and the learning curve for keeping a tidy house was STEEP, especially since my husband had zero standards for a home and was deeply depressed as well. Combined with my pregnancy exhaustion and debilitating morning sickness, I let every good habit my parents taught me go to the wayside.

I remember going to visit my grandparents-in-law and marveling that she kept such a clean house with just the two of them and wondering what her secret was. My mother wisely said that she just had more practice. I, being the doorkeeper of wisdom at 21yo, thought this was ridiculous and housekeeping was just work, not a skill. But 3 years later, my skills have improved. My house frequently looks the opposite of the pictures above. I'm kind of a mess, but things are tidy.

I'm learning to manage my time and my things better. There are still days when I walk out and feel overwhelmed by the to-do list, but I don't curl up on the couch to play video games and pretend my problems are gone nearly as often. Life is full of little hard decisions that need to be made over and over. Start making them now so the bigger ones are not as difficult.

One of the magical effects of tidying is confidence in your decision-making capacity. - Marie Kondo

In the same vein as my original post, I encourage you: don't be an Instagram influencer in a Hoarders home. Apply excellence in all areas of your life. And do it with me, because I'm definitely still learning and honing my skill.