#hethey

It left me in a period of considering detransitioning, and I'm still dumbfounded about that. It really makes me think about how true it is for majority of detransitioners, to be trans people seeking safety by returning to closet.

I got abruptly kicked off my hrt cold turkey for 5+ months starting in May, and my t4t relationship ended right after. Than I had to live with an overtly threatening bigot that the landlords and police could do nothing about for 3/4+ months, and once I was finally able to escape my living situation, another of my t4t relationships ended.

My brain just deteriorated that year.

I returned to gisborne and struggled to find a long term job the duration of 2022.

Finally found myself a therapist after messing with the system, not being sober and then dropping my medication and nicotine cold turkey 2023. I'm happy that I've been physically accommodated but it really hit the nail on the head to get that support. I felt like my relationships gave me strength to get through it all, but failing them has made me struggle with hope, self-worth and trans love.

And while I find myself lucky to have found a therapist that is educated in tranness, it makes my heart sink to be diagnosed with ptsd because of my flatmate.

I worry about my social skills a lot.

However, I'm meeicated. I got my liscence. I've moved cities. I live with my best-friend. I finally have a job. I have my first car. I'm vape and drug free. I'm making small steps. I'm learning. I'm not allergic to cats like I thought I was. I want to see what tattooing is like. I want mire tattoos. I want to upgrade my art equipment. I want my personality to come back again. I want to draw more queerness. I want to learn te reo Māori and voice my mihi. I want to reach my goals in the gym. I want to connect with more trans and queer people again. I want to eventually live openly queer.