shoutout to QPRs and found families and adoption and fostercare and guardianship and divorce and step-relations and godparents and never getting married
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shoutout to QPRs and found families and adoption and fostercare and guardianship and divorce and step-relations and godparents and never getting married

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I have a lot on my mind today but one thing that greatly greatly irks me is the simplicity in which people tend to approach names. Names, for many, fall into the category of given name(s), nicknames, and pseudo-names (such as what one may take up online). Some people change their names, but this isn't a common practice.
Which means that for a lot of people their name is just... their name? There isn't thought or intentionality behind their name, it isn't an active choice but a passive side effect of being born. Which is fine. Because there's a standard expectation of having a personal name or two and a familial name, and those are pieces of identity people use to find belonging.
But! Holy fuck how much I despise the simplicity of that because it lacks any understanding of nuance or seeing how else names are used. In my fostercare experience not only was it common practice for foster kids to change their names (while not treated as such, I always viewed it as a "evolving into yourself" sort of event. Somewhat like persona 5 persona's evolving?). But! That does not mean it is inherently good, nor the message of "your name belongs to you" is present whatsoever.
Because for whatever goddamned reason my full birth name was hidden from me for majority of my life, the only reason I knew my birth last name at a young age was because I accidentally was handed a paper with it on there, and I ran away to try memorizing it as quickly as I could. Why should anyone's name be treated as such a vile secret? Technically, although I'd barely call it such, I was ""adopted"" (officially my social worker just wanted me gone, though I had pseudo-placements after being ""adopted"". They fucking suck) and guess what! Not only did every foster home just ""give"" me their last name, but my ""adoptive parents"" stripped me of all my names. My only records of my life that I have have the names fully blacked out and redacted, because somehow, that's a """parent's""" right!
Names for many people are just a given but they absolutely can be used as a sign of ownership, and it deeply deeply unfair that so many people are completely unaware of this. I hold no claim over my birth names and I reject my adoptive ones, and I have been given several names in my life. I was able to officially change mine again, but last names? Last names are absolutely a sign of ownership, not belonging. There is no community or care in being owned. It only continues to enforce the fact that, fundamentally, you are not a person.
Last names, when given by people who don't veiw you as a full person but as a tool or symbol, are a way to declare dominion over someone. "You have the name, we own you, your actions are now reflected of us so you must obey us". If you cannot reach those stupidly high expectations, ones that inherently deny individuality and frankly quite normal behaviours, you no longer are worthy of being owned, you lose the name, and you're given a new one as you're thrown somewhere else.
It is despicable and cruel to continuously and repetitively remove one's name and forcefully strip them of such. I belong to no one and I refuse to ever be owned in any capacity. I at least was able to change my first name to my own name, but someday I will be changing it all to be reflective of me. I am myself, I have and will fight for that. I will never be controlled by anyone, I have fought my entire life and will continue doing so because there's no worthy alternative
A safe space, part three
Flashes of dull colored images flash across Laurens' mind. Men and women surrounded her over the course of days. Over the course of years. Reminders of scars and cries rang through her mind. One specific distant voice shot through her brain and fired through all of her senses. A scream suddenly rang through the apartment as Lauren tossed and turned in her bed. Spencer sprang out of bed and rushed to her bedroom. He flung open the door, his breathing heavy. He flicked on the ceiling light in her bedroom. The warm light illuminated Lauren, thrashing and crying in her sleep. The made bed she was lying on was now a mess. Spencer moved quickly to her side, a hesitant hand landing on her shoulder.
âLuaren, luaren- itâs Spencer. You're dreaming, wake up, y-youâre ok.â his voice was worried and getting higher in pitch as he spoke. He watched as Lauren shot up, gasping for air, her hands flailing to push his hand off of her.
âDon't touch me!â she yelled in the loudest and clearest voice he had heard from her so far. Quickly, he backed away, his hands shooting up in the air to show that he meant no harm toward her. One of her hands shot up to grab the collar of her shirt like it was choking her. Her forehead was shiny with sweat, and her tears combined with the run from her nose at the bottom of her chin. She was still fighting for breath. Spencer moved closer to the side of the bed and knelt by the side of the bedframe.
âI-im not going to touch you, but you need to breatheâŚI promise, I just want to help you,â she said, side-eyed him through gasping breath, she nodded, realizing she had no choice, she was getting lightheaded. Spencer moved his hands to make the motion of air going in and out of his lungs.
âJust try and breathe for me. In for three out for threeâŚgood good.â She did as she was told, tears still streaming down her face. Spencer nodded at her; his eyes were wide, even though he was trying to keep his gaze gentle. He watched as she lowered her hand from her collar and subconsciously reached for the stuffed rabbit that she had set on her bed. Her fingers were slowly rubbing the fabric of one of its ears. The color of that one ear had been worn from repeated touching. His eyes focus back on her.
âAlright, can you tell me one thing you can see?â She furrowed her brows at him. She complied after a few more deep breaths.Â
âT-the dresser,â she swallowed hard after getting her words out; her mouth was violently dry from screaming out. Spencer nodded.Â
âGood! That's good. Now what's one thing you can hear?â he moved slightly closer to the bedframe and rested one of his hands on top of the sheets. She continued breathing and listened for a moment.
âT-the ceiling fanâŚâ she spoke quietly, her voice a little scratchy. Spencer smiled slightly, the concern behind his eyes lessening slightly.
âYeah, yeah, one last thing, ok? W-whatâs one thing you can feel?â She looked down at her rabbit; her face indicated traces of embarrassment, but she answered anyway.
âM-myâŚmy rabbit.â Spencer smiled at her. He analyzed her breathing, which had slowed to a near-normal pace. Her eyes had stopped darting around the room. She looked almost calm, but it was clear to him that whatever she was dreaming about was still at the forefront of her mind. He furrowed his brows together, and a sympathetic frown crossed his lips.
âAre you feeling any better?â he waited silently for her to answer or ignore him. She nodded slowly as she looked to him directly for the first time since she arrived earlier that day. His hair was a tangled mess on his head, his eyes were red from abruptly waking up, and his t-shirt was on backwards and inside out from throwing it on in the dark. His rush to get to her was evident in his appearance. Her lip started to quiver as she swallowed thickly. Spencer grew concerned again as she began to cry, even though she was trying her hardest not to.Â
âI-im sorry. I wasnât trying to wake you up, y-you can go- I-im ok.â She tried to get him to leave, but he sat on the edge of her bed instead.Â
âHey, hey⌠don't do that. You donât need to apologize for having a bad dream; I get them, too. And I knew what to expect. Statistically speaking, about 51% of foster parents report the children in their care having persistent nightmares. So if you think about it, you're not the only one. I-i get them too. Different circumstances, but my point still standsâŚâ he provides a gentle smile. Spencer checks the small alarm clock he put on her nightstand. The clock read 5:30.Â
âIf you want, we can get an early start to the day. Studies show that people tend to exhibit more positive emotions when they start their day earlier. N-no pressure, but it might helpâŚâ he offered as he stood up once again. Lauren was clearly considering it. Given that she had woken herself all the way, she figured she should give his advice a chance. She nodded at him and stood up on the opposite side of the bed, keeping her distance from the tall man beside her. She had gotten up and instinctively held onto her rabbit until she noticed and quickly set him down as if she were embarrassed. Spencer chose not to mention it, but felt saddened by her shame surrounding the item that clearly comforted her.Â
âI can make us some tea if youâd like. You could get ready and meet me in the kitchen,â she clenched her jaw slightly and looked at her feet.
âCould I get a shower?â he was surprised that she felt the need to ask, but simply nodded and gave a tight-lipped smile.
âOf course! Yeah, go for it. You dont need to ask. Do-do you have all of the toiletries you need?â She nodded and grabbed a mall bag off her dresser. She had not stocked the bathroom with her things yet. She preferred to keep them together in case she moved again. Spencer walked out of the room before her, allowing her some short privacy. Once she left the room, Reid moved toward her bed to fix the sheets the way she had them when she initially made her bed. He paused when he went to move the top blanket. It was wet. Lauren had had a nightmare so bad that she presumably wet herself. This itself didn't worry him because he understood that foster children had a higher risk of nightmares, bedwetting, mood changes, etc. What worried him was that more times than not, they were symptoms of PTSD. He frowned and quickly stripped the bed, setting her rabbit back on the bed up against the wooden headboard. Before Lauren could get out of the shower and catch him stripping her bed, he quickly crumpled them into a ball and carried them out to the room and to the washer. He tossed them in without a second thought and washed his hands. He made his way to the kitchen, where he started the kettle on the stove. Lauren made it back to her room, her face dropping when she saw her barren bed. His face grew warm with embarrassment. She was afraid to leave her bedroom, but was worried it would look strange if she just disappeared after her shower. By the time Lauren came out to the kitchen, she was dressed in the same jean shorts and an old men's flash t-shirt with a black long-sleeve t-shirt beneath it. Her long, wet hair was thrown over one of her shoulders. She was tense when she saw Spencer standing at the kitchen counter with a mug in his hands.
âTea?â Spencer asked her casually. Her shoulders dropped in confused relief at his nonchalant composure. She shifted her weight from one foot to another.
âS-sureâŚthankyou,â he poured her a mug of tea and set it on the kitchen island he was standing in front of. He didnât look at her as if he had any idea of what had happened; he simply moved on and slid her mug toward her and set a container of sugar beside it.
âSo where are you thinking we should go?â he asked her kindly, taking a sip out of his mug. She looked at him, confused, she then looked at the clock on the microwave. It read 6:30.Â
âF-for what?â she asked him, hesitantly taking a sip of her very hot tea. He shrugged calmly.
âFor your bedsheets. I was even thinking you might want to grab some breakfast? That diner I told you about is still open. It's 24 hours. My treat,â he smiled once more and stepped away from the counter.
âWell, you think about it. Iâm going to go get ready for whatever plans we may or may not make. There's more water in the kettle if you want more tea,â and with that, he simply walked off into his room to grab clothes and head into the bathroom for a shower. Lauren could feel the tension leave her entire bodyâŚbreakfast sounded nice.
Haven't posted in quite some time and need to catch up on "Foster Sims" updates. It's been a whirlwind over here!!
We're taking in the last two of a sibling group of six (yes, six) within the next week, ages 1 to 12. We bought another vehicle to make this happen. (And because we needed it.) I'm a minivan driver now.
The kids had been in separate foster homes for the last year, and the most recent four were moved to us from a home that is being shut down. Almost everything they brought with them had to be trashed.
If you are able and would like to send items for them, we have a registry we keep open, linked below. Otherwise, thoughts and prayers always appreciated â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
https://www.walmart.com/registry/ER/ab8a7e61-0835-4c02-b4f5-6b905b45b29c
been a while
Hi, tumblr. Been a hot minute since I posted an update.
My twins just turned 8 last month. They're... A lot. Very smart, very strong-willed, defiant, take no shit ever, impulsive, and easily overwhelmed. N lashes out if she thinks a child or adult is treating someone unfairly (sometimes she's right about the unfairness, other times she isn't, because she's 8); laudable impulse, but challenging to deal with when e.g. she starts yelling in a teacher's face that she needs to have more patience with a misbehaving student. (Her delivery needs work, too.) M meanwhile gets physically aggressive when she feels cornered or is frustrated at being unable to achieve her desired object. M also has chronic fatigue subsequent to a bout of Lyme disease almost 2 years ago, which both SUCKS in its own right and also makes the behavior stuff more challenging because emotional regulation and executive function drop even more when she's tired, natch.
School has absolutely no idea what to do with them and I can't entirely blame them. They run rings around their classmates academically but also have meltdowns that would raise eyebrows in kids half their age. They are alternatively each other's best friend and mortal enemy and it changes on a dime, sometimes multiple times per day, and parenting/teaching them is equally challenging in both modes. They're in separate classes at school except N will roam the halls when she feels like it or pop into her sister's classroom to chat when she feels so inspired. You'd think a 2nd grader would stay in her classroom when told, but N has figured out that it's very hard for anyone to actually _make_ her do anything she doesn't want to. So school mostly lets her do what she wants so long as she's not unsafe or disrupting other children (besides her sister), and so long as she's completing enough work to be making As in all her classes.
They're lucky they're cute little white girls but they're still running out of time to get their shit together.
Baby Pastiche is still with us, he's going to be turning 1 soon. His parents are still very invested and really want him back, but they also still don't have their shit together. And the court system is still incompetent. His 4 older siblings all have permanent homes elsewhere. I have no idea where his case is going to go but I don't imagine it will be closed any time soon. People have started to ask us if we would want to adopt him if it comes to that and my answer is always that that has never been our goal. Everything is on the table right now and I just have to hope that whatever the courts decide will match what is best for Pastiche, and that what is best for Pastiche is compatible with the rest of our household's needs.
For now he's just a very cute, extremely chill, healthy, happy little baby with no idea about any of this. The twins adore him and it's truly delightful to watch their bond with him. At least there's no shortage of people who love him in this world.
We got a new puppy in January and she's snuggly and soft and fantastically uncomplicated.

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One Last Chance?
This was written for the wonderful @imagining-in-the-margins family challenge for the months of April and May. I know I'm a little late but I only recently read this prompt that's also the summary and it really spoke to me! While writing I got really invested in the characters so I might write a couple more parts in the future!
Summary: Spencer and his wife have decided to foster a teenager.
Content Warning: foster care, neglect, foster sibling separation, minor mention of drugs, food & food insecurities. Please let me know if I missed something and I will add what's missing!
Word Count : 5.8k
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âSpencer, have you checked if the heater is on in their room, itâs freezing outside!â âY/N, I have already told you, itâs warm in the guest bedroom, the thermostat is on too!â âItâs THEIR room, Spence, you need to check what youâre saying, if we want them to feel at home, we need to adjust our language too!â, Y/N chastised while she was running around their house trying to make everything look perfect, although there was nothing left to do.Â
For this Saturday / Sunday, plus all of next week, each post will be another genre with 10 color-themed titles. Today, we have purple queer fantasy books đđŽđžâŻď¸đ
10 Fantasy Titles: For this Saturday / Sunday, plus all of next week, each post will be another genre with 10 color-themed titles. Today, we have purple queer fantasy books đđŽđžâŻď¸đ ..... View the full summary and rep info on wordpress!
Otto đž â¤ď¸