Friendly reminder that adoptees are one of the least-recognised marginalised people in the world. Even though adoption is commonplace. There is unfathomable trauma to being adopted that shakes your world from day one. As an adoptee, please take the time to listen to us when we say that certain things are harmful.
"You're adopted" jokes are harmful. Insisting adoption is always a good thing/nice and rosy is harmful. Using words like "fake" and "real" family is harmful. We are people with complex lives and most, if not all of us, develop some kind of trauma due to being adopted (whether it worked out for us or not).
Don't forget to include adoptee voices and the various intersections we inhabit.
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I think as an adoptee, Frankenstein had such a prolific impact on my healing because I never could put into words how I felt about being adopted. I hated my birth mother for giving birth to me. I hated the fact that I was alive. I felt as if I had ruined her life by being born, that I just shouldn't have existed and that I didn't belong. And seeing those feelings play out in front of me helped me realise that I had to forgive the woman who gave birth to me at the age I am now. And that I had to forgive myself for simply existing, that it wasn't my choice to exist. But I do, so I have to live the best life that I can.
I understand Victor the way I understand my own birth mother. With both empathy and some degree of hatred. The Creature didn't choose to be born, neither did I. We had life forced upon us when, from the start, we were unwanted. And like my adoptive parents, Victor didn't understand what came after. Yes, my adoptive parents were adopting a 'baby' but that baby would grow up to be her own person, just as The Creature would grow and do the same. I see myself in every aspect of this story and it's so incredibly validating.
So no, to me this film's ending isn't 'forgive your abuser', it's forgive the person who put you in this world when you felt like you shouldn't have been born and that you don't belong. And to everyone else who feels the same way, all my love.
Millie Bobby brown adopted a baby and everyoneās praising her for doing SUCH A GOOD THING but I want to remind adoptees that you arenāt someoneās token good deed or a pet someone saved.
You donāt have to be grateful for someone adopting you, or for āGIVING YOU A BETTER LIFEā. You can just exist like anyone else and process your traumas, if you have any, like anyone else. You donāt have to do any of that if you donāt want to.
Youāre a person too, not someoneās cute little good deed.
before you adopt a child, can you do your P.A.R.T.?
P:Ā possess a high level of patience and understanding.
A:Ā account for their needs, regardless of disability, trauma, or background.
R:Ā reach out to therapists, teachers, and other professionals who can support them in the waysĀ theyĀ need.
T:Ā try to maintain a safe, clean, organized home, provide them with their own bedroom (if age appropriate and/or possible), and be willing to learn and adapt toĀ theirĀ needs.
adoption isn't easy, but it's important that you do yourĀ PARTĀ for them. healing, trust, and adjustment all take time, which is why a huge amount of this process is on you to safely care & nurture them.
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I have no idea if this is a hot take or not but adoptees and people who otherwise were not raised by and donāt know their biological family are not wrong for wanting to know who their genetic family is
rant incoming
I donāt like the way people talk about adoptees in general, but the idea that people seeking out their genetic relatives is āentitlementā is kinda fucking insane to me
When you give up a child or donate your sperm/eggs, you have to accept the fact that someday that child will probably wonder where they came from. Itās not unnatural to have that curiosity. Thatās also why i donāt like the concept of āclosed adoptionā. I donāt know a lot about ivf, but between that and adoption, you are either choosing to give up a child or your genetic material and thus it is on you to be aware that someday that person might come looking for you. āParents privacyā is such bullshit, you are not more important than the offspring you produce. You made the choice, the humans that come from that choice had no say in the matter. Nobody chooses to be born or the circumstances around their life
Maybe this is just a product of my family never hiding the fact i was adopted, but people deserve to know the circumstances they came from. Even if my family never told me, eventually i would have figured out considering iām East Asian and theyāre white and that always raises a lot of questions. A lot of people do end up finding out theyāre not genetically related to their families accidentally and it often doesnāt go well
Hell, i know another adoptee who only found her birth mother because the worker forgot to cover that info up when she was getting her legal papers in order. They might have fallen out now, but she and her mother deserved the happy reunion they initially got, finally finding each other after ~20 years and the adoptee finally getting out of the abusive household that adopted her
Aside from the emotional aspect, genetic information is also extremely important to know for health reasons. Genetic predisposition, genetic disorders, disorders that run in families etc. Genetics can be crucial information for getting the right healthcare. Of course you get this information when you donate genetic material but the same cannot always be said about adoption or surrogacy (however with surrogacy i do understand that a lot of women are forced into it)
It is not āentitlementā to want what most others have. Itās not āentitlementā to want to know the people who share your DNA. 9 times out of 10, itās adults making choices and then punishing others for it because they couldnāt understand what theyāre getting into. You are the one not entitled to āprivacyā from someone who didnāt choose to exist discovering they came from you. Everyone deserves to know where they came from and their family history. Itās not about the parents or the donors, the person that came about as a result of those people is a human being just the same and they still deserve to know their family information. Nobody is entitled to have a child
I just love how we have children's stories like Ā«Ugly ducklingĀ«, Ā«Lion KingĀ«, Ā«Jungle BookĀ« and Ā«TangledĀ« where the main character is separated from their own kind or own family and that separation is seen as a negative thing. If the separation has been done on purpose and so the person separating the protagonist from their parents can benefit from the protagonist, the person forcing the protagonist from their own kind is a villain in the story. The process of the protagonist finding their roots is usually very crucial for the plot of the story in a positive way.
The ugly duckling grows to be a beautiful swan, Simba becomes the real king of his kingdom, Rapunzel finally gets to see the real world and her biological parents.
My point is even in children's medias separation from own kind and own parents are seen as a bad thing. But as adoptees we are assumed and maybe even pressured to be grateful for the thing everyone sees as misfortune. People see adoption as a bad, unfortunate thing and everyone is happy it didn't happen to them but adoptees should be grateful for their adoptive parents for adopting them.
I know my life would be so much more difficult if I grew up as an orphan in South-Africa especially when there's been serious problems with femicide and gender based violence for past seven years. At the same time I don't know how I would be able to be grateful for being robbed my culture, my experience of being South-African. I should be grateful for being robbed my biological family and the experiences that come with growing up with people who look like me.
Women love saying youāre ānot a real momā if you adopted or used a surrogate instead of carrying the child yourself, meanwhile there are biological mothers out here who carried their kids for nine months just to mistreat, neglect, or abuse them afterward. Pregnancy alone does not automatically make someone a good mother.
The audacity to shame adoptive moms or women who used surrogates is ridiculous when motherhood should be defined by love, care, protection, and raising a child properly; not just who gave birth. A woman choosing to raise, nurture, and genuinely care for a child will always hold more weight than someone who thinks biology alone makes them superior while treating their kids terribly.
