#findingmypath

Something strange but beautiful is happening. I am overcoming anxiety. Or at least, I am managing it most of the time.

This period of uncertainty is difficult and I wouldn't have chosen it voluntarily, but perhaps I am exactly where I need to be. I have always struggled with low self-esteem; I am a people pleaser, and all my achievements have always been dedicated to others or done for others (especially my mother).

So losing my job meant feeling my worth diminish because I had tied my self-esteem to an external factor. Now I am working to turn the situation around.

My skills, my value, and my self-esteem must be something autonomous. I am lucky because I am surrounded by friends (and my girlfriend) who constantly affirm that I am valuable for who I am and love me for who I am.

They loved and respected me when I did a more "humble" job in a store just as much as when I became a Senior in a corporate role with a good salary.

Now, the next step is to internalize this truth and accept that, for now, it is better not to address the issue with my parents because it would upset them and me.

Meditation and positive affirmations are working; I feel increasingly confident in myself.

I am reprogramming my brain to have confidence in the future, to trust in my abilities, and at the same time, to trust in the universe, in this force that is within me and everyone and above all, that ultimately helps us find our way when needed.

It’s been a whole week since my family went on vacation to Vegas, and honestly… it’s been kind of nice, just being with my own feelings. I’ve been giving myself space to sit in them, to figure out what’s really going on inside me. I’ve noticed I’ve been eating a lot of my comfort foods, which… makes me feel better. A lot better, actually.

I’ve also given myself permission to mope, to do nothing, and then sometimes to do a little cleaning. Not a lot, just enough to make my space feel more… in order. And somewhere in between all of that, I’ve been thinking about life—about how I want to be, what I value in a career, where I stand in terms of my self-confidence. I’m learning to take my time with that, to be patient with myself, to be kinder and more friendly toward me. Because when I’m too harsh, I fall hard. I need to learn to be mindful, gentle with myself, to honor my own pace.

I love helping people. I love giving them the experience they deserve. Like customers, for example—I don’t think anyone should be rushed just because they’re in service. But at the same time, I know people have places to be, and they shouldn’t have to wait either. I wish I could find a place, a company, that really accommodates that balance. It doesn’t have to be the food industry. Maybe an office job. Maybe somewhere I can still look professional, even get my nails done. Maybe a hybrid job I can do from home.

Funny enough, part of me would love to just… not work. Just stay at home and cook or bake, experiment with flavors, create without restrictions. Though, maybe part of the fun is figuring out how to make things taste amazing within limitations, right?

"I don’t know where I am going, but I am on my way"

Growing Up Without Role Models I didn’t grow up with role models in the traditional sense. Instead of having someone to look up to and aspire to be like, I was surrounded by people who showed me exactly what I didn’t want to become. Whether it was their choices, their behaviors, or the situations they found themselves in, I saw a lot of examples of what not to do and who not to be. Every day…