#fibro stuff

it is a Bad Pain Day today and I know from the pain in my legs (it’s fucking raining 😒 I was wondering why my joints were that bad last night that I couldn’t sleep and whether it was about to rain and then it started raining around 3am so there we go) that I will not sleep again tonight so.....but do I have the spoons to write....

her: “You’re always in pain/fatigue, what’s the difference? Why do you have to make such a fuss about everything? Always has to be when it suits you. You’re so selfish. How would you possibly manage without my help? We are doing this now.”

me:

Wow, how would I possibly manage??? I’d do it when I’m able to do it, on my own and in no way affecting anyone else. 

I can’t even argue this. If over a year of repeated ‘yes I’m in pain on ‘good’ days, but it’s significantly less and less obstructive than on ‘bad’ days. Yes, I have a lot of bad days, that doesn’t mean I should do things that will make me feel worse rather than wait for a better day if they’re not urgent’ conversations has made no impact...it’s a lost cause.

Like I had group therapy the other day and one of the things the nurse said was “the most important thing is to take care of your physical health, you’ll never be happy if you’re in pain all the time”

pain that doesn’t respond to painkillers is kind of a mindfuck

or maybe this is just all that conditioning that if you’re in pain you take a pill and it goes away and if you say it didn’t do anything you just get told ‘but at least it took the edge off’ like you didn’t just say it did nothing and get guilted into taking painkillers that do nothing cos otherwise you’re an idiot and kinda to blame for your own pain cos maybe if you just took a painkiller you’d be fine and damn all your experience to the contrary

...and I’m still probably gonna take another painkiller because what if it actually works this time and I feel so awful I gotta try, right?

WRONG

Like, fuck off, the only person who gets to decide when I will do something that will cause me more pain is me, no one else. And every week is a different situation, every day is a different situation, you can’t base shit on what I did yesterday let alone a week ago. 

Just because I’m always in pain doesn’t mean I should do things I don’t want to do that I know for sure will cause me more pain, what kind of fucked up logic is that?

If it was someone who wasn’t always in pain you wouldn’t push for them to do it if it caused them pain, why does the existence of chronic pain suddenly make a pain-causing event acceptable to push on someone? That’s fucking bullshit.

is spoons a saying or metaphor that I'm unaware of? shks the visual was interesting

@xx-thedarklord-xx​ spoons refers to energy. It’s from the spoon theory, a way of visualising/explaining energy levels of people with chronic illnesses/disabilities.