#familydysfunction

The pain of it all ...

The problem in the U.S., he says, is not the proliferation and availability of guns, but rather the fact that many of the perpetrators of such shootings come from troubled families in which they were mistreated during their childhood. "Most of these mass killers had early traumas, in the first few years of life," he says, adding that the "divided culture" that exists today serves to compound those problems, "When you have a divided culture in which the liberals and conservatives are always fighting, everyone suffers too, because there's constant restlessness," Dr. Schoenewolf says on the podcast. "In the country and all kinds of other things that are happening and more violence is happening all the time. People get angry because they're driving on the highway and they lose it, and they start killing each other because they're following too close behind the other car. Somebody goes up to a door and knocks at the wrong door, and they get shot through the door. People are restless today and quick to violence." Dr. Schoenewolf points out that a barber needs a license to cut hair and if you want to go fishing, you need a fishing license. But there are no such requirements for one of the most complicated acts that an individual can undergo -- raising children. "iI parents had to be licensed, you'd have, you'd be able to weed out, say, schizophrenic parents or borderlines, or bipolars, psychopaths. You'd be able to weed out parents who are not going to be able to have healthy children. And you'd, and you also could have parent training," he says. So the government would decide who could and could not have children? "I think the state would have to have special centers for child rearing where children who were taken away from their parents would be raised by experts who would be trained in how to raise children," he explains. "These are radical solutions, but we have a radical situation in our country. Desperate times call for desperate measures," says Dr. Schoenewolf, who is the author of 30 books, including 14 on psychology and philosophy and nine novels.

It only takes you. It only takes us. Do reach out to friends and supportive family, but you get to make the decision to change the legacy this generation leaves to the next. You don’t need permission to share or reshape your story, to decide secrecy and silence ends with you, to set boundaries, respect boundaries, use your voice and choices to defy dysfunction. I’m rooting for y’all! ✨ [image description: white text on black background with daisy edge that says: It only takes one person to decide family dysfunction stops with them. I decided it will be me, and not my children. ✨ #boundaries #familygoals #leavingalegacy #familydysfunction #changinghabits #nomorelies #nomoresecrets #shareyourstory #changeyourworld #yougettodecide #healingfamilies #healingfamilytrauma #generationaltrauma #generationalcurses #generationalhealing #generationalblessings #intergenerationaltrauma #intergenerationalhealing #youcanheal #wehealtogether #thehealingcollective #thehealingcollectiveAL #healingincommunity #healingcommunity #healthyfamilies #iamhealing #healingtrauma #healinggenerationaltrauma #traumarecovery #traumacare https://www.instagram.com/p/CYO-ek8l8jx/?utm_medium=tumblr

Got #bitterness ? Quickly get rid of it, it only hurts you. You change from an offended soul to an adversarial soul, and you bring into the family conversations a defensive, victim mentality which violently erupts in little situations of strife with an over exaggerated reaction. This makes family life miserable and will eventually shut down family communication. #familystrife #familylife #familydysfunction #bitterness #hate https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Rf9TyguC1/?igshid=50jr46jmwins

I was walking through a greenhouse the other day when this flower caught my eye. His beauty was almost impossible to not notice, reaching higher than the other flowers around and facing not up towards the sun, but sideways, head on to passerbys. . The day before, on Mother's day, my sister had a greek mythology book sitting around and I skimmed the table of contents only to be immediately drawn to the story of Narcissus and Echo. . Both characters feel dissatisfied and insufficiently loved. Narcissus falls in love with himself, overidealizing his magnificance and importance. He is transformed into a flower that blooms by water so he can stare endlessly at his own reflection. Echo longs for Narcissus's love, but can't call out to him - she lost her free speech and was only able to finish sentances or repeat the last thing she had heard. She loses herself trying to make him love her. They both waste away, depleted and unloved. . In loving a narcissist.. In being raised and  taught what love is by a narcissist.. I learned that love was conditional. I lost my voice. I lost my sense of self. I became invisible. . In learning that I'm not alone.. that since the beginning of time ancient gods have been written up to explain the phenomena.. that present day there are people out there who understand.. I'm learning that love is meant to be unconditional. I'm discovering that who I really am is vibrant and worthy and loveable. . I'm finding my voice. I hope my story and knowledge provide comfort to those who relate and information to the masses that are oblivious to the things that tore me apart growing up. . I gave the flower all I could, some appreciation and a moment of my time, then moved on towards the vegetables. I'm looking for plants that I can harvest and recieve from for all the care I give to them. I know you know what I mean (: . Have a grateful spring day, beauties. Know your inherent radiance. Provide for yourself love and validation of your greatness. . Thanks for reading. Great things are coming, stay tuned if ya feel me. Let's heal together 🌸 . xo Allison

ugh. I dont even know if there is words right now for how im feeling lately.. im feeling defeated and angry and annoyed. Im over not feeling valued or even wanted at times by every single person in my family. NOT my husband but my parents and siblings. Im tired of feeling like an after thought, and that im being too needy or i need to find something else to occupy my time. Why should I have to settle for anything less than what i feel i deserve? I feel like my kids are being so jipped on their experiences with my family. Everyone is so damn selfish and no one ever says sorry except for me, im sick of it. Im tired of being the one who pulls us together for holidays and birthdays or even just try to make sure we see each other once a fucking month! It should not have to be such a chore to be around your family. I told my therapist on Monday- I get that therapy is good for you and all but shit its like a ripping a band aid off every time i come. Its like i get through the week and Monday comes around and RRRRRIIIIIIPPP how are you feeling about this? any better? thinking about my sister lately 2 months since i last really talked to her.. Ill say that I do feel stronger.. i feel like im more confident in my decision making and im learning to be pretty independent when it comes to my emotions. I miss her.. but Im holding back from texting her to see how she is because im afraid shes going to turn it into ‘oh me im fine considering i dont have a family” or some bullllllshit thats gonna just piss me off. I feel like im ready to move forward not backward.. like i want her in my life but i just want to move forward. Iv been thinking about my relationship with my brother lately.. i gain nothing from it really.. i think when i was put in the choose me or him with my sister i was really choosing my parents.. I cant abandon them i do care about them and love them..they're pretty shitty parents but they've been good grandparents to my kids.. they are definitely trying harder. But as far as my brother goes.. no gain there. Maybe when I was younger.. but i get so frustrated with him for not making the most minimal effort to see me or call me more than a few times a month if that. HOWEVER.. i dont make much of an effort anymore. tired. im tired..and if i ever talk to my mom about it she still turns it into “Im their mother and they dont call me” and im like...yea but your annoying.. lol. I guess i just thought my kids would get the same aunt and uncle that i was with my siblings kids. especially since both my siblings are basically empty nesters at this point..I think if i ever had the opportunity to tell someone id say dont have kids more than 5 years apart.. its basically another family after that. I was part of another family that just consists of me and my parents. An my siblings and them had another family dynamic.. that im being punished for apparently. Thats how i feel.. like im being punished for something i didnt do or even anything that i have control over. im just ready for something to change or something to get better already! i feel a little better now that i vented to you internet.. thanks.. sometimes i seriously feel like this is the only thing that gives me the response i need some times which is - ugh that really sucks dude.. sorry thats happening to you. I get some kind of validation here that I never receive from my family..its like your yelling and everyone is just staring at you with shit grins and saying annnnyyywaysss. guess 16 weeks of therapy are still doing their work.. cause im feeling 1 step forward 2 steps back vibe right now. Thanks for listening..