#falseself

Modern dünya, insanı her sabah uykusundan uyandırıp acımasız bir tiyatro sahnesinin tam ortasına fırlatıyor. Henüz kendi çıplak yüzümüzle bile tam anlamıyla yüzleşemeden, toplumun bizden beklediği o pürüzsüz, her anı sahte bir neşeyle bezeli ve asla hata yapmayan "kusursuz insan" zırhını kuşanmak zorunda kalıyoruz. Psikoloji literatüründe biz buna "Sahte Benlik" (False Self) diyoruz. Onaylanmak, alkışlanmak veya sadece dışlanmamak uğruna, kendi içimizdeki o vahşi ve benzersiz renkleri feda edip, herkesin boyandığı o ruhsuz, mekanik griye bürünüyoruz. Vitrinlerimizi süslemek için öylesine büyük bir enerji harcıyoruz ki, dükkanın arkasında asıl hazineyi barındıran o kırgın, dağınık ama muazzam derecede gerçek olan çıplak ruhumuzu karanlığa terk ediyoruz.

Oysa insanı asıl büyüleyici ve dokunulabilir kılan şey; ulaşılamaz mükemmelliği değil, aldığı yaraların bıraktığı o derin izler, tökezlediği anlardaki insani kırılganlığı ve her şeye rağmen atan kalbinin o dürüst çıplaklığıdır. Başkalarının zihninde kurguladığı o daracık kalıplara sığmaya çalışmak, gökyüzüne aşık bir kartalı minik bir kafese hapsetmekten farksızdır. Ruhun egemenliği ve o gerçek uyanış; başkalarının senin hakkında ne fısıldadığını umursamayı bıraktığın, o korkutucu ama bir o kadar da özgürleştirici kırılma anında filizlenir. Şimdi derin bir nefes al ve kendine şu can yakıcı soruyu sor: Ben gerçekten bu taktığım maskelerin ardındaki derinlik miyim, yoksa sadece kalabalıkların onayını dilenen bir figüran mıyım?

We become who we are largely through conditioning. From the moment we are born, the people who raise us, the culture we live in, and the circles we move through shape how we see the world. Over time, we begin to absorb what we’re told—what is repeated to us again and again—until we accept it as truth without ever questioning it. These ingrained beliefs often form a false identity. It feels like…

Have you ever felt like there's a version of yourself hidden beneath the surface, waiting to be rediscovered? The journey towards uncovering our true selves is a powerful one, and it's a concept I first encountered a few years ago. Let's quickly delve into the realms of the true self, false self, and the neuroscience that supports this fascinating journey.Have you ever heard the terms "true self" and "false self"?I first learned the concept a few years ago when I listened to a lecture by Francican priest Richard Rohr by the same name: True Self, False Self. Since that time, I've heard the terms in a different settings from different teachers.The proposition is that every human is born with a soul, their true self, their essence—who they are meant to be in the world. But then in childhood, adolescence, and even early adulthood, the true self is buried under a false self.The false self is a persona or protective casing that is developed in order to survive various situations including family of origin, neighboorhood bullies, school, etc. It's actually super helpful for getting a vulnerable human through the early years, but after that, it's more of a hinderance than a help.Part of maturing into adulthood is learning to recognize the false self, shedding it, and getting back in touch with your true essence.Actually, there's some neuroscience to back up this concept.

The Neuroscience

Image © Positive Intelligence, LLC Dr. Shirzad Chamine, NYT best-selling author of Positive Intelligence and Stanford professor, has identified ten negative voices in our heads which live in the survivor —fight, flight, or freeze—part of the brain. He calls these "saboteurs," and there's one we all have: The Judge (a.k.a. inner critic).Chamine also identified five positive modalities that promote wellness and healthy relationships. He calls these "sage powers," and we each have all five: empathize, explore, innovate, navigate, and activate.As we age, our goal is to strengthen the sage and weaken the saboteurs. To shed the false self and embrace the true self. To rediscover our essence and share it with the world.One of the ways you can find your essence is to find a childhood photo (before age 13)—or if you don't have a childhood photo, a happy memory. Even adults who had traumatic childhoods are usually able to access one memory of when they were happy.When you look at the photo of yourself as a child—before you started believing the lies of the saboteurs and "armoring up" with the false self to get through life—you will see your essence shining through.

I think the above photo of me around age 10 captures my true essence: kind, authentic, deep. If you recognize me in that photo, it's only because I've been working on rediscovering and revealing my true self for the past 10 years.Trust me on this. It's hard work. My "Judge" is mean and loud. And its accomplice saboteur, Hyper-Rational, is a perfectionist critic. When my saboteurs are so loud they drown out everything else, it's easy for me to forget how capable and compassionate I really am.The concepts of true self and false self, sage and saboteur, and becoming who we were always meant to be are a big part of my new T.A.P.E.S.T.R.Y.™ program.On September 13, 2023 at 1pm Eastern, I'm hosting a FREE webinar where I'll be talking about the four biggest problems nonprofit leaders are opting into and how to stop the self-sabotage. I'm also introducing the My Living T.A.P.E.S.T.R.Y.™ model for leaders who want to be around for the long haul. The webinar is free, and you can get tickets here: https://bitly/mlt-091323This transformational approach empowers leaders to embrace their individuality, lead from a place of values-aligned strength and authenticity. It's a way to conquer imposter syndrome for good. 🙌