Sitting here with a bunch of books on ‘how to plan a wedding’ that I am basically now NEVER going to use and looking at them because apparently I like to torture myself? I should possibly be a little kinder to myself. (I know weddings ‘don’t matter’ but as a kid growing up I DID daydream about my ‘perfect wedding’ it would have been in a forest and I would have worn a medieval dress and it would have been really beautiful. I would have given away books of poetry to guests) We eloped, we had planned to ‘one day’ have a wedding but I guess maybe part of me always knew it wasn’t quite right, that I should only have a wedding with someone who loved me passionately and didn’t make me feel like a chore/annoyance. If I had been sure the relationship was good, was right, I am pretty sure my stupid romantic self would have been pushing harder for a wedding.
I’m going to be 31 very soon. I don’t believe that I will ever have that wedding I wished for.
Which isn’t the worst thing in the world. Life is always different to what you hoped for. The key is for me to find a new dream. And I’m a dreamer. I will.
