ESTJ Hate: A Rant From an ESTJ’s Perspective
TLDR: ESTJs are not jerks, narcissists, or arrogant assholes. ANY type can be like that, so knock it off and stop bullying them.
As the title says, this blog/ article is going to be a rant about the type community and their attitude toward ESTJs.
And this hate can be applied to other types, like my fellow ESFJs and any sensor in the community.
But today we’ll focus on the most hated MBTI type: ESTJs (aka my type).
Disclaimer
I sincerely hope that you’ll read this article with an open mind and please try to understand where I’m coming from despite the… heated tone this article has. 😅
I get it if you think I’m mistyped, but I’m not gonna prove my type to you. Take it or leave it. (It's not this article's point anyway).
If I’m wrong about my type, then so be it.
But I hope that this article will take the heat off of ESTJs, because whether I’m one or not – they don’t deserve the hate and bullying. (Nobody does).
So if you hate ESTJs so much that you’re just going to barrage me with hate comments, or if you’re not open to learning more about them, then feel free to skip this article (and this whole blog).
But if you *are* open, then proceed unto the forbidden scrolls of wisdom. 📜 *magical gate opening noises*
Why do people hate ESTJs so much?
If you’ve been into MBTI for any amount of time, you know that everyone hates ESTJs. Like… a lot.
(Fun fact: We’re the #1 most hated type in the community 🥳🙌)
And it’s not hard to see why.
Because, according to the infallable internet, we ESTJs are:
Tradition-oriented/ anti-progression
Bullies, jackasses, and know-it-alls who refuse to admit we’re wrong
anti-INFP (according to a YouTube video thumbnail lmao)
Control freaks and micromanagers
Extremely insecure and obsessed with social status
Unrealistic perfectionists whose lives revolve around work, recognition, and climbing up the ladder
Narcissists and insecure as hell
The enemy and ultimate roadblock to change
Stuck in our ways
Mean, cruel, heartless, hot-tempered
Smacking everyone on the head with a rulebook
Anti-individuality
Obsessed with getting recognition
Stepping on everyone’s toes to get their way no matter what
Stubborn for no reason
Always angry, pissed, and yelling at everyone for no reason
Desperate to be in charge, power-hungry assholes who shouldn’t be in charge
Terrible with people and hated by everyone who has to work with us
Bossy control freaks
The list goes on and on, and so does the endless hate.
*sighs and slides down wall*
If I had a penny for every time someone changed their mind about me as a person after doing a type reveal, I’d be set for the rest of my miserable life. *faint kazoo goes off in the background*
Then again, I can see why people would hate us with these extreme descriptions… even though it’s stupid.
ESTJs have a double whammy in MBTI: We’re both Te users, and SJs.
Let’s face it: Most people wanna be a Ti user, or at least that’s what I’ve seen.
Apparently, Ti means you have a brain and can think for yourself, while Te... is just bossy or domineering.
But, of course, ENTJs and INTJs don’t get any hate because they have Ni, which is supposedly future-oriented and not stuck in tradition. *cough cough, Si can be like this too*
SJs, who have high Si, are stereotyped as… well… traditional.
Si is described as *super* boring at best, and sounds like they don’t have anything interesting going on in their lives.
Apparently, if you’re an SJ, you’re alllll about upholding traditions and that’s it.
Not only do we not change the world, we keep change from happening.
We’re stabilizers, and incapable of having fun, or having deep conversations with people cuz we’re not intuitives.
That’s a giant pile of stereotype-infused crap, by the way. ^
Si is NOT about tradition.
If you wanna understand what Si *actually* is, then watch the following video, and/or read the blog I’m linking below.
Introverted Sensing with Your Chill ISFJ featured on Joyce Meng’s YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V5NYzCPjh0&t=347s
Exploring Si from Practical Typing: https://practicaltyping.com/2022/10/20/exploring-introverted-sensing-si/
(I’ll link these at the bottom of this blog too, so feel free to check these out later).
So now begins the rant. Enjoy. *deeply inhales like Leorio*
TLDR: ESTJs can be nice, empathetic, open-minded people. We are NOT pissed off Karens who wanna dictate your life.
ANY type can be a control freak, angry, pissed off, controlling, etc.
If you’re typing someone as an ESTJ because of stereotypes and that list of ESTJ traits the internet came up with, you’re typing people wrong.
Stereotypes are fun for a while, but they get old quick – like your favorite food. Or memes.
Instead, if you wanna learn more about MBTI and typology, you need to learn the cognitive functions and learn the nuances.
(Spoiler alert: There are *lots* of them. This isn’t 16 personalities or dichotomies).
Stereotypes are great for starting out and building a foundation.
But you need to go further if you wanna understand type and people (or yourself, if you’re as self-absorbed as I am).
And honestly? It’s way more interesting that way. :P
If you wanna understand Extraverted Thinking in INTJs, ENTJs, ISTJs, and ESTJs, read these two articles.
My favorite article: https://practicaltyping.com/2021/12/06/6-te-stereotypes/
The Dual Nature of Te: https://practicaltyping.com/2020/12/07/the-dual-nature-of-te/
If you’re struggling to find your type, then these could help. Keep an open mind about it, since Te is HEAVILY misunderstood.
Either way, you’ll learn something new and you won’t regret it. :)
So while we’re here, let’s talk about some ESTJ stereotypes and bust them.
Feel free to grab some Ruffles while you’re at it, cuz this is gonna be a long one.
Why are ESTJs so mean?
We’re not. Or at least not on purpose.
Everyone has a different idea of what being nice and being mean are. But if we’re talking extremes, I’m gonna assume you’re imagining us screaming our heads off and making you cry at work.
In that case, that’s not an ESTJ. Anyone can be mean, including feelers. Anyone can lose their temper and lash out.
That’s something outside of type.
If you wanna figure out someone’s MBTI type, you need to find out *why* they’re doing what they’re doing. I cannot stress enough that MBTI is about the WHY and HOW, **NOT** the “what.”
Are they frustrated because they were thwarted and missed a deadline?
Were they having an off day? (Happens to everyone)
Are they healthy or unhealthy?
Are they secure or insecure? What are they insecure or worried about, WHY, and HOW are they dealing with it?
How do they see themselves? What’s their biggest problem and why?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
You need to ask yourself (and them, if you can) questions like those ^ if you wanna type someone so you can get a well-rounded view of them.
In other words: If you wanna get better at finding people’s MBTI type or your own, you need a well-rounded view of them.
And even then, you may not get it right even if you’ve spent a long time observing this person or talking to them. Frustrating, I know.
Typing people is hard because people are complicated and nuanced. I’ll probably write an article about typing people and all that jazz later on.
Anyway, this is turning into a ramble.
The point is: Being a jerk does NOT make someone an ESTJ. And being nice doesn’t mean they can’t be one.
Being a narcissistic, controlling, arrogant know-it-all doesn’t make anyone an xSTJ. Period.
2. Why are ESTJs hated?
Simple: Stereotypes. ESTJs are often described in the worst light humanly possible while other types get a pass or praise for doing the same things we do. *end credits start rolling*
All jokes aside, most people don’t understand what high Te and high Si look like in real life.
They just assume that Te doms are bossy workaholics who love making people cry, and that SJs are stuck in their ways and refuse to change. (This is incorrect).
Combine the two, and you get STJs: the types no one wants to be. (Spoiler alert: NTJs and STJs are FAR more similar than you think).
Sure, every stereotype may have some truth to it, but ESTJs get FAR more hate than any type I’ve seen.
Spend a day on type databases, discord groups, etc. and you’ll know exactly what I mean.
“ESTJs are bossy, mean, controlling, traditional, and stuck in the past. They have no lives or meaning outside of work as a manager, and they hate INFPs. They’re efficient, but that’s the only good thing about them.”
Every blog ever
*rolls eyes* ^ This is just… *sighs*
It’s genuinely ridiculous how much hate an ESTJ gets compared to their glorified intuitive counterpart.
One letter makes a world of a difference. (People do be simping for ENTJs 😩💦). And no, I'm not jealous.
Don’t get me wrong – There are plenty of solid blogs about us out there.
Unfortunately, most people don’t find them or read them, since first impressions mean *a lot.*
Like the list way up there said, ESTJs are described in the worst light possible.
We have way more cons than pros, and the pros we *do* have make us look like workaholics, or at the very best, as managers with no lives or hobbies outside of work. -_-
Don’t get me wrong – we can absolutely become workaholics. I, myself, find most of my fulfillment in work. (Yeah, I’m not helping my case, am I? 😐)
But guess what? ANYONE can become a workaholic. ANYONE can be mean. ANYONE can be a nightmare boss or co-worker to work with.
Instead of assuming that every mean person is an ESTJ, try to figure out WHY they’re that way… or if they even think they’re that way.
Thinkers tend to be direct… assuming they’re not struggling with trauma, low self-esteem, etc. (Which any type can, including ESTJs).
No, I'm not excusing asshole behavior. I'm trying to say that thinkers generally don't see their direct nature as a problem.
But chances are, if you were honest about how they were, they'll stop. Or at least the healthy ones will adapt.
I’d offer another list of scenarios, but that’ll turn into a ramble. And I think you get the idea. 🙃
Side tangent aside, believe it or not: We have lives outside of work, and not every single one of us are career-oriented people or workaholics. :wow:
Lazy ESTJs exist. But chances are, they’re probably mistyped as a different type, since Te doms aren’t described in a realistic light.
And even when they are, they’re pigeon-holed as workaholics. (Which is stereotypical thinking at best).
And even if we were: There’s nothing wrong with that. If you like work, regardless of your MBTI type, go work.
Don’t let anyone bully or pressure you into doing or not doing something.
3. Why are ESTJs so judgmental?
Because we’re human. *flips hair*
Everyone judges everything regardless of their type, whether you like it or not.
I guess the question here is: Why are we so loud and obnoxiously vocal about it? Well, we may not be.
Being vocal about something means you need to be confident in it. That confidence may be true confidence, or just arrogance to mask insecurity.
And believe it or not – ESTJs can go either way.
In other words, this is NOT a type thing! Everyone judges everything, since we all have two judging functions.
And even then, despite being Te doms, we may not choose to share or vocalize our opinions on things if we struggle with low self-esteem, self-doubt, or anxiety.
We can often shut down and choose a passive or cooperative way of doing things.
It just depends on our mood, how confident we're feeling, etc. Te can be used in a supportive way.
It’s almost like we’re humans, and not a stereotype that can only default to one reaction towards insecurity...
Finally, we’re “judgmental” because the internet just wants to paint us in a bad light whenever possible and lift INFPs up. And it pisses me off. (No, I don't hate INFPs).
When an INFP chooses to stand up for what they believe in, they’re praised and glorified as an underdog who’s trying to change the world.
But when an ESTJ does the same or similar thing, they’re shat on for being stubborn, arrogant, angry, and narrow-minded know-it-alls who can’t stand change.
Do you see the HYPOCRISY there?
And no – I don’t hate INFPs. In fact, I have INFP friends I like spending time with. (Yeah. Believe it or not, ESTJs and INFPs **can** get along. It’s about MATURITY, common interests, etc. NOT TYPE).
Why are ESTJs obsessed with social status, looking good, and protecting their reputation?
Because we’re human, and that’s what EVERYONE does to an extent.
I don’t care what your type is. Everyone cares about how they’re seen to some extent.
Sure, you got some apathetic people who have given up on life and decided to F it, but everyone has insecurities and everyone either cares or used to care.
Welcome to being human.
As for being obsessed with social status and image, this could happen for a variety of reasons, but the biggest one is that they're insecure. (Duh).
The important thing to consider here is WHAT they’re insecure about and WHY they’re insecure.
Sure, a Te dom can be obsessed with status and image, but guess what? So can FPs and Ti/Fe users.
However, I will acknowledge that this particular insecurity with how you’re seen and status tends to point to an imbalance between your introverted judging (Ji) and extraverted judging (Je) function.
In other words, you’re more likely to be an EJ or IP if you struggled with this your whole life.
Again, the key words here are “more likely.” Any type can be insecure and image-focused.
Nutshell: An insecure ESTJ can become obsessed with how other people see them, but insecurity and obsessing over how people see you is NOT an ESTJ thing. Any type can do this.
Are ESTJs narcissists?
No. They can be, but being a narcissist isn’t the same as being an ESTJ.
ANY type can be stubborn, gaslight, refuse to change their mind, and display narcissistic behaviors.
Any type can:
Be arrogant
Gaslight
think they’re always right
Manipulate people
beobsessed with their image
Be cruel, humiliate people, become abusive
Be a pain to be around/ toxic
Etc.
ANY. TYPE.
And no – narcissism is not more common in ESTJs. Every type has an equal shot of becoming this way.
If you’re using the ESTJ label, or any MBTI type to justify or explain your or someone else’s toxic behavior, then you need to look somewhere else because being a toxic and difficult person has NOTHING to do with your actual type.
HOW and WHY you do what you do can point to your type. Not the behavior itself.
So slapping a label onto someone who’s like that and calling them an ESTJ is lazy vibe typing at the very best.
So what should you do in that situation? I don’t know. (Yeah, real helpful, I know).
But calling them an ESTJ and shitting on them isn’t going to help you *or* them.
People get stressed out, lash out, and snap. It’s part of being human.
But if they’re a narcissist, and you want advice on how to deal with narcissists, you’ll have to look somewhere else.
Why are ESTJs so bossy?
It depends on how you define ‘bossy.’
Like I mentioned earlier, every neutral trait an ESTJ may have immediately gets put in the worst possible light, and it’s stupid. (Yeah, I’m a little worked up and frustrated at this).
Sure, narcissistic, know-it-all ESTJs exist, but guess what?
ANY TYPE can be narcissistic, arrogant, and a know-it-all who refuses to consider alternative options.
Here’s a possible answer though: Te users tend to sound FAR more set in stone than we actually are.
Therefore, we can *sound* bossy even though we don't mean to.
Chances are, we’re open to feedback and we WILL change our minds if you give us a good reason.
Tertiary Ne *does* make us more open to sudden changes than our IJ counterparts. 🙃
Hell, we’ll gladly put you in charge if we think you know what you’re doing.
(Which is honestly not that hard. I’ve changed my mind about a lot of things, and I like using my Te to SUPPORT people and systems, not necessarily lead).
Why are ESTJs so insensitive and disrespectful?
We’re not. Or at least we don’t mean to be.
Again, it depends on what you consider insensitive, disrespectful, mean, etc.
Cuz here’s the thing: Most ESTJs don’t see themselves that way because they think they’re just saying it as it is.
Unless they had a traumatic past, struggle with low self-esteem, or something that made them soften their Te (which is pretty common) – they’re probably just being direct.
But I can promise you this: A HEALTHY ESTJ WILL change when you give them feedback.
Unhealthy ones may get stuck up, but being stubborn, arrogant, or defiant against feedback are NOT signs you or the person you can’t stand is an ESTJ.
ESTJs have inferior Fi, which can make them incredibly empathetic if they’ve experienced what you did.
People don’t often realize it, but inferior Fi (assuming we haven’t suppressed it) influences us WAY more than most people realize. (And it’s not surprising, since we never talk about it lol).
An ESTJ with decently developed Fi, or someone who was raised to be empathetic, sympathetic, nice, etc. will NOT look like the description. (That’s a good thing, by the way).
I suspect that many conflict-avoidant or even people-pleasing ESTJs get mistyped as other types because of this, including me.
I mistyped as every type except ESTP and INFJ before finding my type because I couldn’t relate to the description at all.
But this article, along with other minor things, changed my mind on possibly being a high Te user: https://practicaltyping.com/2021/12/06/6-te-stereotypes/
Why do ESTJs think they know everything, make you feel stupid, and crap?
I’ll admit that Te can sound a lot more certain and set in stone than it actually is, so this has a little credit to it.
But, in a nutshell, condescending behavior is NOT a sign that someone is an ESTJ.
This know-it-all, condescending, narcissistic image that everyone has of us makes me roll my eyes and it gets tiring.
We’ll probably barrage you with questions if what you’re saying doesn’t match up with what we think or know is true.
But guess what? Every type can do this. It’s called thinking for yourself, which is a good thing.
I’ll admit we can sound arrogant to certain types, and it can feel like we’re insisting we’re right, but we’re just trying to see if you know what you’re talking about.
After all – Te *is* about competence and authority.
TLDR: Any type can do this. It’s not an ESTJ thing.
Why are ESTJs so angry, have a hot temper, and get mad so easily?
I can’t speak for every ESTJ, but I usually get this way when someone gets in my way. If I want something, I (usually) go get it.
So when someone or something thwarts me, it pisses me off.
And if you’re being honest with yourself, you could probably relate to that to *some* extent.
In other words: Having a short temper is NOT an ESTJ thing.
It depends on WHY you or the person you hate has a short temper.
But honestly?
When I am thwarted, my pissed off-ness comes off as frustration most of the time, not necessarily fire-breathing rage. (And even if it did, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that :P)
Why do ESTJs never change their mind?
Another wonderful stereotype. *rolls eyes*
We can get stubborn about getting something done a certain way because people don’t do it up to a standard. This is generally a GOOD thing.
Standards exist for a reason. Standards create consistency, AND THIS IS A GOOD THING.
Especially in fields where safety is critical, like construction, engineering, or any field that involves maintaining consistency.
We can also get stubborn about our opinions and think we’re right… but so can any type.
I find it funny how ESTJs get shat on for not changing our minds while other types (like INFPs) get praised for having a backbone.
The hypocrisy is stupid at best and makes me wanna roll my eyes at people who think of ESTJs as the devil and INFPs as these wonderful angelic creatures who we torment for fun at work.
On a serious note, healthy ESTJs are open to possibilities and change because of tertiary Ne.
We got a playful contemplative side that can make us mistype as NFPs or any other type.
If you don’t see that side in us, it’s probably because we’re not in the mood, you don’t know us well enough, or cuz we don’t like you.
And ESTJs will absolutely change their mind if they find your reasoning is better, or your process is more efficient.
Funny how people say we’re stubborn and refuse to change our minds while accusing us of being mindless sheep who follow the crowd… *insert gigantic eye roll and facepalm*
Bonus question: Why do people hate ESTJs so much?
Because it’s the internet, and the internet loves pity parties and shitting on a type together.
Stereotyping ESTJs into these angry, narcissistic, arrogant know-it-alls is much easier (and meme-able) than understanding Te, Si, and all that jazz.
And if I’m being honest, I used to care. And if I’m being *really* honest, I still do care.
That’s why I’m writing this stupid article so I can hope that at least *one* person can change their minds about us, or at least consider it.
Anyway, that’ll be all for this article. I know it was super repetitive, but I wanted to be thorough and make a point.
(Point is: Stop bullying ESTJs).
Now, if you have any questions or comments, comment down below or shoot me a dm here on Tumblr!
I’m mostly running this blog for fun to throw my thoughts out, so I won't be super active. I'll throw out more articles and blogs in the future if I'm feelin' it :P
Referenced Articles You Should Check Out:
If you wanna learn more about Extraverted Thinking, read this: https://practicaltyping.com/2021/12/06/6-te-stereotypes/
Why Te users can be nice in the right context: https://practicaltyping.com/2020/12/07/the-dual-nature-of-te/
Video featuring Your Chill ISFJ onJoyce Meng’s channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V5NYzCPjh0&t=347s
Si from Practical Typing: https://practicaltyping.com/2022/10/20/exploring-introverted-sensing-si/
