May 8, 2009
The bassist from Lynyrd Skynyrd died yesterday. No word yet on whether he'll be buryd, crymatyd, or will just have a gravesyd vysitatyn. @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 87
Sween's Law: If someone tells you how Twitter is supposed to be used, they are wrong. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 82
Gorgeous out today. I'm gonna sit under a tree, take off my shoes, huff some Lemon Pledge and fight with the centaur who lives in my hair. @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 78
It's hard being Aquaman. Everyone knows when he farts. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 74
I've put up a favrd leaderboard in our bedroom. I haven't gotten any stars yet but I'm sure it's just...my wife just unfollowed me. Crap. @essdogg (Essex Mortimer Dogg) – 67
Smart Cars are awesome. Finally someone for us Prius drivers to ridicule as total pussies. @scottsimpson (Scott Simpson) – 67
The biggest threat to out relationship is the way he likes everyone he meets and I hate everyone who ever lived. @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 65
The price of oil has shot up. Guess I'll go back to spraying the neighborhood kids with water. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 59
Everyone talks about how nice Canadians are, but the fact we can control polar bears with our minds never comes up. Which is odd. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 58
After the jump: enough horseshit to hit word count, 30 self-links, plus 200 comments from lonely men who barely skimmed the lede. MORE » @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 52
Beware, ladies - the Trekkies are out in full force tonight, AND THEY ARE DRUNK ON MOUNTAIN DEW AND AWKWARDNESS. @Tony_D (Tony Delgrosso) – 51
I feel like eating steak with the salad fork, "Replying All" unnecessarily, and passing the dutchie on the right-hand side. Screw etiquette. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 47
When my cats finally die I want to have them preserved as battle gloves. Nobody would fuck with the freaky cat-glove dude. @trelvix (Trelvix) – 46
When asked to sign a greeting card at the office, confirm the occasion. Unless your high-fiving stick figures are particularly solemn. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 46
Drew Peterson changed his relationship status in Facebook from "It's complicated" to "Someone's bitch". @joeschmitt (Joe Schmitt) – 45
I don't care if all the cool people are doing it. Next time they call a big global economic recession, I'm not coming. It's fucking boring. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 45
Lots of celebs here. I think I just walked by a Brad Pitt! Oh, no, that was a mirror! Haha! Nice one, Sean. But, seriously, I'm handsome. @seanhussey (Sean Hussey) – 44
We're all groupies for each other. @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 44
At 29, I've stopped looking for my soulmate but I still hope to find my I'll-put-up-with-this-shit-because-I-can't-do-any-better-mate. @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 44
PARENTING TIP: Six years, two months and thirteen days is the precise age kids will tell their jerk friends "my dad says you're a jerk." @CranberryPerson (N/A) – 43
