#did integration

i think i understand but correct me if I'm wrong: you see it as a option for those you want it but not as a necessity and it shouldn't be done because one of the alters want to be a singlet (i think that the term for someone without DID)

thanks for the input you (and everyone that has commented on the post) has given us a lot to think about!

Heya! My name is Z. I wanted to start this blog so we can talk with more systems!

A few facts about me:

I’m a fusion between one of our system’s middles, Crystal, and a fictive of Mika from Seraph of the End, Vampire Reign.

I’m an enby

I’m not sure what my role is. I know I’m an EP, but beyond that I’m not sure.

We’re a traumagenic system.

I just came out of dormancy! Last time I fronted it was early 2021

I’m 17

I’m one of the few human alters in our system

I’ve queued a bunch of memes! I hope you all enjoy the memes I’ve made and we can talk some! I love answering asks, about system stuff or whatever else, so feel free to send them in!

We've been super busy finishing up a children's book commission we started at the beginning of the year (gotta pay the bills, and we've always wanted to have our art published). 

The pandemic and our own virus slowed us down a bit, so we're in crunch mode trying to complete this now. 

A little sneak peek of this is below (just digitally colored thumbnails)! We are allowed to share occasional updates on our own portfolio sites, btw. :)

The good news is that, as soon as this is done, we'll be able to pour the 2+ hours a day we're working on this solely into the Barkana...and you'll see a BUNCH of art being churned out!

Additionally, we've just begun to pursue integration/fusion with our DID. For a long time, we felt totally comfortable existing as separate alters (like Bael and I both working on the project), but suddenly working on becoming one single person felt the most right. 

It's taken quite a lot of attention and energy to start the process, but what we've experienced has been beautiful.

I can’t tell if I accidentally integrated with Isaac or not. I tried to stay away from him because I was afraid of it happenening, but I don’t know. I don’t want anyone else in the system to be afraid or sad that’s he’s gone if that’s the case. I haven’t seen him around for a while and neither has anyone else. Kinda scared. Haven’t told anyone besides Mordecai or Rick. I think Alex knows because Mordecai told him, but I don’t know.

If anyone knows what we should do, or if I should do anything, can you let me know?

We seem to have a new alter who is a literal smash up of two known alters but those two known alters are still individually around - so is it a different form of integration a ‘temp integration’? Or is it an alter that splintered off from one or both of those alters into it’s own thing? How does that work? 

because there is so little information on it

integration is worth the struggle, trust me.

take your time with integration and be patient. start with integrating just two (consenting) people. i tried to integrate everyone at once without their agreement and i learned the hard way that that’s not what integration is about. it’s about mutual healing and accepting. a decision fueled by love for yourself and for your alter(s).

start by saying “I” instead of speaking in the third person. i know it’s hard to admit that an alter you’re integrating with might, for example, have violent thoughts. but you must accept them as your thoughts if you are to truly integrate.

integration has made me more emotionally mature and more equipped to deal with stress and trauma, and it will help you with this, too. it may be rough at times, but you will reach a point where you feel freer than you ever imagined.

you will probably feel extreme emotions at first; either extreme joy and happiness turning into a loneliness and craving for dissociation, or vice versa. this is because, while integration is an amazing reclamation of one’s mind and identity, it’s also very overwhelming and unfamiliar. you’re used to the wall between you. these feelings will subside with time.

the important parts of who you and your system members are will not go away. that being said, you will have days when you act more like one person than another. don’t be afraid that you’re losing yourself; just try to remember who you are, you will be fine.

you have to work at integration, consciously work towards fully accepting every inch of each of your identities and histories as “me” and “mine.” otherwise you will split again. and that brings me to...

you will split again. it’s like any relapse. but you can reintegrate, too.

there’s a good chance that dormant and perhaps previously unknown alters will come out during the integration process. just a forewarning.

even if you aren’t planning on integrating, i’d really appreciate if you reblogged this. I hardly had any resources when i first started integrating and it was really hard on me.