Could you make a post about how to find out if you are butch or femme? I feel a strong attachement to the femme identity,but still,it is a very confusing question to me. I dress very androgynously,so I am very unsure. Thank you and have an awesome day!!
Hello!! The definition of āfemmeā is often debated. Some people like to add more āqualifiersā than other people do. Overall, I think you know yourself best! However Iāll go ahead and list a few different definitions of femme Iāve seen.
āFemmeā is an identity prevelant in the LGBT community, both in WLW bar culture and in ball culture, so you do have to be LGBT in some way to use āfemmeā! Itās also noteworthy that you donāt have to shave or be thin or have long hair or whatever to be femme. Femme is gender nonconforming by subverting femininity. Itās not as obvious as with butches but itās certainly there!
One definition Iāve seen, particularly for WLW who use the term, is to preform femininity for not just men. (Well, actually, the definition Iāve seen is to not preform it for men at all, but Iām sure we can all guess why I donāt agree with that.) By using our femininity to attract genders other than men, even if it includes men, we are inherently GNC in our own right. Weāre expected to care about what men think of us, and dress exclusively for them. But the moment youāre trying to also attract women, you are defying what society wants you to do with your femininity.
Another big, important facet is a love for butches. Itās somewhat debated whether or not you have to be romantically attracted to butches to be femme, however, I generally believe that as long as youāre looking out for and appreciating butches, even if youāre not attracted to them, youāre femme. If you have feelings of bitterness or hatred towards butches, you, in my opinion, should not be femme, because our identities are about protecting each other and are two sides of the same coin.
Something else I often see discussed in femme WLW spaces is how you donāt preform femininity because itās expected of you but because you enjoy it. For instance, I donāt wear skirts all the time because itās what is expected of me; I wear them because I enjoy them and because they are less confining than shorts are. I like pink because Iām āreclaimingā it, almost, from the gendered stereotypes because I realized that you can like pink without feeling confined to gender roles. I love video games, a hobby considered to be āfor menā, but mostly I play Animal Crossing and life simulation games. Not because theyāre āfor girlsā but because I genuinely just enjoy them. The femme identity is about just that; enjoying something despite it being associated with femininity, not because of it.
Those are some of the general qualifiers that I know of. Unfortunately I havenāt seen many definitions of āfemmeā outside of the context of WLW, despite its history as being for any LGBT person, so Iād have to look into it further for more information on that. However I hope you found this helpful!
