The âLesbian-Only Termâ Myth: A Comprehensive Historical Essay on âButchâ and âFemmeâ
CARRD VERS. (still with sources, updated more frequently)
INCLUDES (in this order):
Before we begin, a key detail is that âlesbianâ originally was a synonym for âtribadeâ, meaning any woman who was intimate with another woman. Lesbianism was something someone did. You could have been âa lesbianâ and be romantically involved with a boy. Think of âlesbianâ and âlesbianismâ in these early times as being a synonym for âWLWâ (women loving women); a blanket term. It wasnât until 1892 that neurologists used bisexual. And even then, it wasnât until the 1960s (and no sooner) that the usage of âbiâ became common in a non-academic context. It wasnât until 1988 that bisexual women and lesbians were more or less âofficiallyâ separated (though the movement to separate them began beforehand), and it was also at this time that âlesbianâ began to mean âa woman exclusively attracted to women.â
There are multiple incidents and people credited with the coining of âbutchâ and âfemmeâ. I will go through all of the possible origins, before getting to what is, fairly obviously and easily, the actual origin of the terms.
The coining of the term âfemmeâ is often accredited to historical lesbian, Anne Lister. However, what is often left out of this statement is that the original use of âfemmeâ in the context of describing her partner, Marianna Lawton, who was also involved with a man. It wasnât even Anne Lister saying it; rather, it was a woman friend who said to Anne about Marianna, âPlus femme que moi,â which translates to, âShe is more womanly than me.â If one is saying that âfemmeâ was coined by Anne Lister, they are also saying that âfemmeâ was originally directed at and used to describe a woman who had some sort of romantic relationship with a man.
Butch is said to be a term coined by gay men to mean âmasculineâ in a type of slang called Polari, otherwise known as Palare. Whilest the exact timeframe of this phrase becoming popularized is unclear, it was popular before the radical feminist movement had separated lesbians and bisexual women, meaning that, even if it did mean âmasculine lesbianâ, it would refer to all WLW, as that is what âlesbianâ meant at the time. Butch came into common use with lesbians in the 1940s; again, before the separationist movement came to split up the WLW community into âlesbiansâ and âbisexualsâ. There were plenty of butch non-monosexuals (which was the term back then for what we now know as bisexuality).
However, the first usage of âbutchâ and âfemmeâ is actually ball culture. Ball culture was widely dominated by LGBT+ youth of color. The terms including âbutchâ and âfemmeâ included:
Femme queen: trans and feminine woman
Butches: masculine-presenting women
Butch queen schoolboy realness: A cis MLM. The ârealnessâ refers to being able to âpassâ as a heterosexual male.
Femme queen realness: A trans woman. The ârealnessâ refers to being able to âpassâ as a cis woman.
Femme queen face: a category trans woman, highlighting their face.
Butch face: a category for masculine cis women, highlighting their face
Butch queen face: a category for cis men, highlighting their face
Vogue femme: a vogue category for cis MLM and trans men
Femme queen performance: a vogue category for trans women
As you can see, âbutchâ and âfemmeâ applied to a wide variety of LGBT+ people! Itâs easy to dismiss ball culture in the modern era, as it appears to have mostly been taken over by cishets at this point, but when it began, ball culture was for LGBT+ folks; a safe haven for trans, nonbinary and GNC people of color.
So, the terms âbutchâ and âfemmeâ started off as slang and/or categories in a culture where the L, the G, the B, the T and the plus to all preform. Not even mildly close to lesbian-exclusive in that regard. But Iâm sure, when you think about femme and butch history, you think of bar culture.
'Butchâ and âfemmeâ labels closer to how we know them today started in lesbian-only gay bars, around the 1940s. However, âlesbianâ, at this point in time, was still just a term meaning âWLWâ, which means that lesbian bars were frequented by women exclusively attracted to women and women attracted to multiple genders. This means that not only were bi women there during yet another situation often accredited to coining these terms but, since these terms would have been born from bars where bi women would have been, that would have literally meant that bi women also helped to coin these terms, as well.
It wasnât until the 1960s (and no sooner) that the word âlesbianâ began known as being exclusively attracted to women, and not to men whatsoever. The separationist movement between lesbians and bisexuals can be largely attributed to TERF Shelia Jefferyâs manifesto. It says, rather bluntly, âOur definition of a political lesbian is a woman-identified woman who does not (want to be intimate with) men,â and describes bisexual women as âcollaborating with the enemyâ.
Women who took this stance on being attracted to only women as a political statement are often referred to as âpolitical lesbiansâ. That is to say, of course, not all lesbians who defined lesbianism this way were radical feminists or political lesbians. However, for a, if not large, than extremely vocal, group, that is what lesbianism was to them; a political statement. By the 80âs, there was a firm split between bi women and lesbians, who proceeded to ignore the fact that the âtraitorousâ bi women had ever been there at all. They successfully erased bi womenâs history. After all, all of their history and culture had âLESBIANâ written in big, bold, capital letters! This is why now, people can easily think that âfemmeâ and âbutchâ are lesbian-exclusive; because radical feminists were purposefully trying to erase bisexual womenâs part in their history.Â
This is, of course, not to say that bisexual people did not want their own community. Bisexuals had been fighting for their visibility for a long time before this! And, looking back, the separationist movement did end up giving us bisexuals our own community. However, that does not change the biphobic intentions of this movement, nor does it mean that bisexuals have to sacrifice years of shared history that they were purposefully erased from.
This is also not to say that there were not bisexual political lesbians, either. As many as one-fourth of bisexuals identified as a lesbian and as bisexual simultaneously, in the transitional period between lesbian being an umbrella term for all WLW, and lesbians and bisexuals being considered two separate things. These simultaneous identities were, of course, a product of their era, and were often bisexual radical feminist's way of making their attraction to women a political statement. However, this information is even more proof of the era where those known as "lesbians" now and those known as "bisexuals" now lived comfortably under the then-umbrella term of "lesbian".
In the words of Paula C. Rust's 1995 book, 'Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics': "Bisexuals were not outsiders... But insiders who were finally being honest about themselves." Yes, indeed, we were insiders; we were always a part of the lesbian and gay communities.
With all of that historical context out of the way, it is time for the actual 'proof', per say. LGBT+ newspapers and books are very important to LGBT+ history. They are snapshots of the culture at the time, and are crucial to preserving history; and this is true with butch and femme.
On usage of âfemmeâ outside of women exclusively being attracted to women; James McDolandâs Dictionary of Obscenity, Taboo and Euphemism, published in 1988, defines âfemâ like this:
âFem (col.) A passive homosexual.
The term may be applied to both men and women, but more usually to men. It Australia it is generally applied only to men.
It is based upon the French word for women, femme, and indeed, in English, this spelling is sometimes used for passive lesbians, in preference to fem.â
Continuing with usage of fem(me) to describe men in books, is this quote from Leslie Feinbergâs âStone Butch Bluesâ (published in 1993):
"Jacqueline patted my thigh and flashed me a sweet smile. The other femmes - male and female - looked at me differently. As the world beat the stuffing out of us, they tried in every way to protect and nurture our tenderness."
And, from the same book: âI ran my fingertips over the dark wood near my thigh. "I love them so much, too. But when gets it for me is high femme. Itâs funny - it doesnât matter whether itâs women or men - itâs always high femme that pulls me by the waist and makes me sweat."
It is the obvious statement that men can use âfemmeâ that we are mainly interested in here. However, this means that the main character of âStone Butch Bluesâ, who is, as the name implies, a butch, is attracted to both men and women, as stated in the second quote.
The writer of these books (Leslie Feinberg, in case you missed it; radical butch lesbian and trans activist) later had this to say in an interview: "And I would say that people who were referred to as drag queen, shemales, female impersonators, drag kings, diesel (d-slur)s, butches, et cetera, uh... Nowadays we think of them as being synonymous with a certain kind of sexuality, but in fact there's a lot of butch women who sleep with other butches, or who are bisexual, and the same thing is true with feminine men."
Again-again, with men using these terms, we have 'The Butch Manual', published in 1982, which features men.
(ID: A picture of a butch woman in a newspaper, in black and white. The caption of the photo reads: Name that Butch. The first one to correctly identify this local Boston bi in her butch attire and email [email protected] will win a copy of âHot & Bothered 4: Short Short Fiction on Lesbian Desire.â)
Now, going back to female bisexual butches, there is this newspaper from the 90s:
(ID: A picture of a butch woman. The caption of the photo reads: Name that Butch. The first one to correctly identify this local Boston bi in her butch attire and email [email protected] will win a copy of âHot & Bothered 4: Short Short Fiction on Lesbian Desire.â)
Next, we have screenshots from the QZAP, which is an LGBT+ zine archive. The following are excerpts from 'Femmes Unite!' and 'Mutate'. (Warning: These screenshots and transcripts hold reclaimed words that may be triggering. Each word in the transcript was written by someone who can reclaim it.)
(ID: A screenshot of an archived zine, in black and white. It reads: "F. A. G. PDX (Femme Affinity Group Portland) is a radical ACTIVIST AND SOCIAL group that seeks to create solidarity among femmes, promote femme visibility and combat femme phobia in the community at large. The group is open to self-identified femmes of all genders.")
(ID: A screenshot of an archived zine, in black and white, with hearts above the text. It reads: "My new friend was a fabulously femme fag who had amazingly over the top fashion sense, wore a lot of glitter all the time, was a sassy bitch and on top of all that he was a sweetheart. I learned so much about the kind of person I wanted to be from him and even today hold my high school image of him as one of my gender role models. He was male assigned and skinny while I was female assigned". At the end the text cuts off.)
(ID: A screenshot of an archived zine, in black and white. It reads: "femme this way, the persona appears to be unconvincing, unappealing to other female butches or femmes and gay men confirmed in those roles-I don't come across as a "real" femme. Perhaps the". The text cuts off at the end.)
All of this is why the claim âbutch and femme arose from the LESBIAN community for LESBIANS exclusively about the LESBIAN experienceâ is misleading; lesbian communities were shared with bisexuals from the very beginning. âLesbianâ meant all WLW. So, that means that butch and femme arose from the WLW community for WLW exclusively about the WLW experience. Bi women who are attracted to women and lesbians share the exact same history; the same history which created these terms. And it didnât even just belong to WLW, historically! It was originally used in ball culture before anything else, which included the entire LGBT+ community.
Continuing on, in the 1985 documentary titled 'Gay Tape: Butch and Femme', a femme asks another femme what her favorite part about being a femme is. She replied, "I love to flirt. I flirt with everyone... I flirt with anything that moves." 'Anything that moves' implies not only attraction to men, but is also a phrase generally associated with specifically bisexuality, thanks to the famous bisexual magazine titled that phrase.
Speaking of that very magazine, there is this letter to the editor in Anything That Moves, from issue 15, and published in 1997:
(ID: A screenshot of the letter in question, in black and white. The title reads: "Bi Femme I Am". In smaller text below the title, it reads, "I can't thank you enough for your magazine. I am a bisexual femme myself, and I've struggled with the fact that I've only been out with one woman (i.e., no sex) but am now living with a man who could very well become my husband (and he's a bisexual who's only been with one man).
I've felt like a traitor to my people or something... felt like the lesbians don't want me in their club because I'm with a guy, and felt like the straight girls don't want me in their club because I can feel like for women. I don't belong anywhere.
I feel like a traitor when all the lesbians I work with see me with a guy now, when three months ago they saw me with a woman at NCPride. I'm turned every which way, but your magazine has helped me out so much - especially things like "What Do Bisexuals Want?" by Jack Random and "Bi-Femme: On Being a Traitor and/or Revolutionary." They're right on the mark with how I feel.")
Now, what's that on 'Bi-Femme: On Being a Traitor and/or Revolutionary'? Excellent question. There is a whole article on a bisexual using the femme identity in the 12th issue of 'Anything That Moves'! Here are a few select quotes from that article.
"My mama is a very smart woman. When I was 12 years old and I told her I was bisexual, all she said was, âFine. As long as they donât look like truck drivers.â I donât mean that she was smart because she didnât want me to date butch girls. She was smart because I think she knew that I was going to do it anyway. I was going to grow up to be a femme."
"And as I got into my teens, I dated a lot of boys. All of them identified as bisexual or gay. Most of them were very, very femme."
"Davis, Hollibaugh and Nestle include both male and female gender rebels within this definition. Femme, they say, seems perhaps to originate in a feminine love of queer sexual deviance, in general, of, as Iâve put it, âthe boys inside my girls, and the girls inside my boys.â"
"The argument goes on to say that my femininity allows me the privilege of passing as heterosexual in general, at all times in which I am not with butch women or in queer spaces defined by their presence. These people defined queer as butch women or femme men â people who they saw as gender rebels, whose gender choice was an inversion of hegemonic standards."
"... Femme is an attraction to queerness in any form that satisfies hunger. I believe that understanding this is crucial to opening up femme identity to independence from butch identity â as standing separate from our more visible partners. Butch girls can fuck boys casually, without threatening their (d-slur) identities? Well, I want that right too, as well as the right to define what that sex means to me."
That's a whole lot of evidence, no? And we're not even done with this particular source!
Once again from 'Anything That Moves', we have an article on the second annual Femme Conference in San Francisco. Amongst other things, this article includes the following quotes,
""Well," I ventured, "to me, a femme is someone who takes the characteristics and stereotypes associated with being a woman and uses them as a source of personal power. Like, if someone is gonna stare at my body anyway, I'm damn well gonna make them look, and once I have their attention, I'm gonna tell them something. Get it?""
"The conference organizers aimed to welcome every kind of person with more than a drop of femme in their souls, and to make plenty of space to talk about how we are, perform, or just love femme. Girls, boys, (d-slur)s, bi-femmes, (f-slur)-femmes, people from communities of color, young femmes, trans-femmes, lesbians, drag-femmes, working class and rich femmes, parents, fat femmes, and a few garden-variety freaks like me crowded the 33 workshops."
"Femmes flocked to sessions like Femme As An Evolving Gender Identity; Bisexual Femmes and Femme Bisexuals; (f-slur) and Drag Femme..."
Again, in historical bisexual readings, we have a whole passage on the politics of being a bisexual butch... That even claims that most bisexual women were assumed be femme! It even suggests that femme women face some sort of version of biphobia; stating that there was a stereotype that they weren't really interested in the same gender. The passage in question is titled "Too Butch to Be Bi (or You Can't Judge a Boy by Her Lover)", by Robin Sweeney, published in the book "Bisexual Politics" by Naomi Tucker, published in 1995. Here are a few choice quotes from this passage.
"I am a butch bisexual woman whose romantic and sexual partners are primarily other butch women, with some notable exceptions. Frequently, I like to appear as masculine as I can, often passing for male on the street. I like to keep my hair short. I'd rather wear jeans and boots than anything else."
"But being a butch woman who is also bisexual can be difficult. It feels sometimes that the the idea is so challenging - since the assumptions in our communities are that all butch women are lesbian women and all femme women are bisexual women - that often a butch woman trying to come to terms with being bisexual is stuck."
"The ideas about femmes (femme women aren't really interested in other women, and femme men aren't really interested in women at all) and butches (butches are always the aggressors in sex, whether they are men or women) permeate our queer culture. These ideas make it difficult for us to explore who we are and who we want to be."
Going back to men in the butch / femme scene, we have these two quotes from a 2005 paper written about the rise of the macho biker image among gay men in the 60s:
"The homosexual âman in leatherâ remains one of the more disproportionately visible and controversial members of the LGBT community. He is the antithesis of the feminized drag queen. He seeks to defy the stereotype of homosexual men as effeminate, limp-wristed, and ânelly.â The leather-clad man presents himself as self-assured, assertive, dominant, or âbutch.â"
"Homosexual men whose public identity more nearly conformed to mainstream constructions of masculinity referred to leather-men as âbutch.â The leatherâmanâs presentational strategies were and are regarded by some as deviant and unacceptable, especially to those homosexuals eager to âpassâ as ânormal.â"
Again, in regards to bisexual history, we have the following quote from "Bi Any Other Name" (affectionately nicknamed 'the bisexual bible', and originally published in 1991), from the point of view of a bisexual woman contemplating her identity:
"... I lay there on the mattress with Annah's head upon my lap and my head drawing circles in her hair, imagining a world of only Annah and me. Nothing needed to matter, whether I was straight or lesbian, masculine or feminine, butch or femme..."
In the same book, we have a bisexual woman writing, "I began to reclaim what I had previously rejected as male identification, even renaming it 'butch identification'," essentially stating that, in relation to her relationship with maleness and masculinity, she took on the label of 'butch'. She then proceeds to describe "fantasizing about getting a short haircut like my brother's."
In the same book again, we have a bisexual man describing his bisexual female partner as a butch, with the quote, "Her jeans and shirt complementing her blonde buzz-cut hair, she's the only butch member of our household."
We have definitions of these words from a text file from textfiles.com, an archive of textfiles originated from the 60s to the 80s. This textfile, titled "LesBiGay and Transgender Glossary" and originating from 1992, it defines the words as follows:
"Butch: 1. Masculine or macho dress and behavior, regardless of sexor gender identity. 2. A sub-identity of lesbian, gay male, or bisexual, based on masculine or macho dress and behavior. (See femme.) 3. (butch it up) To exaggerate masculine behaviors, usually for others' entertainment. (See camp it up.)"
"Femme: 1. Feminine or effeminate dress and behavior, regardless of sex or gender identity. 2. A sub-identity of lesbian, gay, or bisexual, based on feminine or effeminate dress and behavior. (See butch.)â
These definitions, and this source in general, is of interest. Not only does it explicitly include bisexuals and make a point to say that these terms apply regardless of gender, but they also list 'butch' and 'femme' as examples of gender identities. It also uses 'butch' in reference to drag in the reference for 'in drag'.
From the 1997 book Femme: Feminists, Lesbians and Bad Girls, we have this quote:
"Negative Message number three: âDonât date a femme, because sheâll leave you for a man.â [âŚ] I know tons of butches who have slept with guys, and for some reason thereâs not some big stigma attached to that. That doesnât threaten their membership in the lesbian community, but with us [femmes] it does.â"
From a 2000s issue of 'Bi Women: The Newsletter of the Boston Bisexual Womenâs Network', we also have this quote: "But I also think bi women like to experiment with the wide range of possibilities along the butch/femme continuum without feeling confined by them. And thatâs fun to watch! And I think many people assume that because bi women are also interested in men that they all would be femmes. Oh, how wrong they areâhallelujah for butch bi women!"
Hallelujah for butch bi women, indeed!
All of this is why the claim âbutch and femme arose from the LESBIAN community for LESBIANS exclusively about the LESBIAN experienceâ is misleading; lesbian communities were shared with bisexuals from the very beginning. âLesbianâ meant all WLW. So, that means that butch and femme arose from the WLW community for WLW exclusively about the WLW experience. Bi women who are attracted to women and lesbians share the exact same history; the same history which created these terms. And it didnât even just belong to WLW, historically! It was originally used in ball culture before anything else, which included the entire LGBT+ community, and you can see it being used to describe men outside of ball culture, too.
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More Reading On This Subject:
The Evolution of Femme: As the user states, âIn this project I hope to explore the evolution of femme identity and the changes it has gone through... I argue that femme is a term that has history in many parts of the LGBTQ community.â A thoroughly interesting read, which dives into the different contexts of the femme identity.
A Brief His and Herstory of Butch And Femme: An article written by a nonbinary lesbian, talking about the âlesbian exclusiveâ myth, calling out biphobia, and the irony of the âwhite butch and femmeâ ideal of terms that were originally made by QTPOC.
Why Butch/Femme Belong To Bisexuals As Well: An article written by a bisexual woman, which links to a multitude of sources, including books, essays and her other articles on bi matters.
And now, a FAQ, to debunk misinformation and common biphobic sentiments!
Q: I heard that bi women called themselves a part of the LGBT community when they were in a relationship with a woman, but called themselves straight when with a man.
A: This is misinformation. As I said before, âlesbianâ was not an identity; it was something you did. If you ever were in a relationship with or had attraction to a woman, you were a lesbian. They didnât consider themselves a lesbian at some point, or straight at another; much more common was the phrase ânon-monosexual lesbianâ, if they even bothered to make a distinction at all. Again, I feel like I must compare how âlesbianâ was used to the term âWLWâ nowadays; even bi women nowadays who are in relationships with men are WLW. Thatâs how the term âlesbianâ worked.
Q: Uhhh, âdoeâ and âstagâ were LITERALLY made for this reason. Use your OWN terms.
A: Yes, youâre right. âDoeâ and âstagâ WERE made out of pressure put on bi women to not âsteal lesbian cultureâ. But do you realize how insanely dehumanizing it is to say, âYouâre not allowed to identify as these terms with your history behind them, go identify as an animal insteadâ? Many WOC are uncomfortable with these terms, because they are animal terms. Plus, we never should have had to make those terms. âFemmeâ and âbutchâ belong to us, too. And we shouldnât have to make up new terms with no history behind them just so people wonât bully us for using our terms. Bi women can identify as a stag or doe IF THEY WANT. It is not your place to tell them how to identify.
On this subject, the creators of the term âdoeâ had this to say: âWhy is there a perceived divide between âbiâ and âlesbianâ history? We share history. We run in the same circles. Usually kissing!... It (doe and tomcat discourse) exists within a framework that already posits bi women and lesbians as exclusive circles that sometimes overlapped, when really we have always been one circle, and radical feminism warped us⌠I created it (doe) as an alternative to femme because lesbians voiced discomfort with bi women using their self-identifiers. But what is yours and what is ours? Why are we inventing new language when we should be consolidating, reuniting, and celebrating one another?â (Source)
While I do not agree with everything that is said in that post, it is important to note that even one of the creators of these terms seems to be upset about having to create whole new terms for the bisexual community when bi women and lesbians share so much history.
Also, getting back to racism, âdoeâ and âstagâ are very uncomfortably close to the term âbuckâ. âBlack buckâ was a racist term used to describe black men who refused to follow the law of white people and is painted as rude and violent. This is yet another reason why bisexual people of color do not want to touch these terms with a 5-foot pole. (Source)
Q: Why canât lesbians have something to themselves for once?!
A: Please, donât pull the oppression competition card on me. All LGBT+ people are oppressed. It shouldnât be a race of who is âthe MOST oppressedâ. Lesbians have a lot to themselves, and so do bi women. This not a matter of âletting a group have something for themselvesâ, or âweâre the most oppressed, you take everything from usâ. This is a matter of taking back something that was purposefully and maliciously taken away from us by biphobic radical feminists.
Q: History doesnât matter, itâs the NEW definition that matters, and the NEW definition means itâs a LESBIAN identity.
A: When bi women say that they want to identify as femme or butch, people pull out the âitâs always been a lesbian term, historicallyâ card. When we show said people the historical facts, people pull the, âitâs the NEW definition that mattersâ card. Please choose one. Besides, if the definition changed one (from all WLW to lesbians), then it can change again, if you allow it. Plus, itâs really crappy to say, âI know you used to use these terms too, and theyâre a part of your history, but, you canât use them because we decided we donât want you to. These are ours now.â
Q: But you are inherently available to men! You canât be a butch or femme if you can be in a straight relationship!
A: Please, think about your wording. âInherently available to menâ is a term many bi women detest. It makes us sound like an item for men to consume whenever they wish. Bi women cannot, by definition, be in a âstraight relationshipâ, because, by her being in it, one of the parties is not cishet. Besides, some bi women arenât even attracted to men (Iâve met women who are attracted to nonbinary people and women and call themselves bi). Even if a bi woman is currently in or looking for a relationship with a man, bi women (who didnât have that term at the time) who were âavailable to menâ identified as a femme or butch, when the terms were created and popularized.
Q: But if a man is with a woman who says sheâs a butch or femme, thatâll perpetuate the stereotype that lesbians can be with men!
A: If a lesbian is telling a man they wouldnât want to be with him, they wouldnât just say, âI am a femme/butch.â They would say, âI am a femme/butch lesbian.â And if a man still tries to be with them after learning they are a lesbian, he is lesbophobic. That is not bi womenâs faults. Besides, âfemmeâ and âbutchâ are terms meant to define ourselves in our own community, not to straight men.
Q: You canât understand what butch and femme REALLY mean unless youâre a lesbian.
A: So, we are âless WLWâ than you because we may or may not be attracted to men, so we cannot understand, is what you are saying? Or, more so that we arenât able to understand it, but if we identified as lesbians, we would magically gain the ability to understand, because weâre lesbians? Definitions of words arenât that hard to understand. We donât use them because theyâre âcoolâ. Bi women are not too stupid to understand, and itâs patronizing and INCREDIBLY rude to treat us like weâre too dumb to understand terms we helped to create.
Q: You kept talking about bi women in that essay. What about other LGBT+ people?
A: I talked specifically about bi women, because that is what I am and what this blog is about. However, I believe all LGBT+ people can use butch and femme. It was coined in ball culture, after all, which embraced all LGBT+ folks and their gender expression!
Q: Well, if itâs for all LGBT+ people and not just lesbians or WLW, what does it mean?
I believe that butch and femme are very contextual identities. Thereâs a lesbian context, a general WLW context, a trans context, a MLM context, and so on and so forth. However, generally speaking, I would say that a good definition for butch would be âa LGBT+ person whose masculinity is tied to them being LGBT+, and preforms masculinity for oneâs self, and not because of societal pressure or the lackthereof.â A good definition for femme would be similar, but replacing masculinity for femininity.
Q: This is implying that bisexuals arenât different from lesbians and donât deserve their own spaces.
Using terms that we were there for the coining of and the culture of is implying that how, exactly? By using âfemmeâ and âbutchâ, we arenât saying we should all be one label again. Weâre just saying, âThis is our history, too, and although we are separate now, that doesnât change that we were there for the coining of these terms and thus get to use them.â Iâm not saying that we arenât different. Iâm saying that back then, there was no differentiation, and that itâs our history, too. Blocking bi women off from our history under the guise of âactually youâre being biphobicâ (usually to somebody not bisexual to a bisexual) is just choosing to care about biphobia when itâs convenient to use against bisexuals who want access to our history, and is virtue-signaling at its finest.
Q: When the bisexual identity was created, 'butch' and 'femme' remained as lesbian terms. If bisexuals used them, why didn't it change?
Because when the term 'bisexual' was getting popular, the extremely popular radical feminist movement was trying to push them out of lesbian spaces purposefully, which previously belonged to them. It didn't change because radical feminists (who held a LOT of power at that time) didn't want it to, and because they were purposefully erasing bisexuals' part in lesbian history, because we were 'traitors'. They hated us and wanted us out of their history. They made that painfully clear.
Q: I think that (x female historical figure or all female historical figures who was romantically with a man and used 'butch' or 'femme') was experiencing comphet or was forced to be with a man due to homophobia.
They might have been. But they might have also been bisexual. I don't know for sure, and neither do you, and to be honest, I find debating dead peoples' sexualities to be disrespectful (which is why I say 'was with a man' rather than 'bisexual' when talking about historical figures). Instead, I'll just say: every single one? You really think that not a single one was bisexual? That's... HIGHLY unlikely and bordering on implausible, which is not what you want a core part of your argument to be. (And Iâm just going to mention real quick that âmost/all people attracted to both men and women are with men due to comphet, theyâre actually lesbiansâ is a biphobic talking point, notably used by both the original radical feminist movement and the current one, and this argument is teetering DANGEROUSLY close to that.)
Q: If you're bisexual, you have no room to discuss whether or not it's lesbophobic for bisexuals to use these terms or not.
A: If you're a lesbian, you have no room to discuss whether or not it's biphobic for lesbians to erase and gatekeep our shared history or not.
Q: Just say you hate lesbians and go, lesbophobe!
A: Okay, so weâre going to try and claim that one is bigoted for literally just knowing their history now? Nowhere here did I say lesbians COULDNâT use these terms, either, which is, ironically, better than what femme/butch gatekeepers are trying to do. So, by this logic, maybe I should just reply to every femme/butch gatekeeper with âjust say you hate bi women and goâ!
Q: Youâre not a femme or butch if youâre not a lesbian, no matter how much you say you are.
A: Ah, I see, weâre deciding otherâs identities for them now? Alright. What if someone decided to say that all gay people are actually bi? By this logic, if someone decided to say, âGay people are actually bi, no matter how much they say they are gay, so nobody can identify as gay or a lesbian anymore,â that must make them correct!
No. It doesnât make them correct. Just because you decide to say âyou canât be this thing no matter how much you say you areâ doesnât mean that anybody has to listen to you, or change their label. And, before someone attempts to take this out of context; no, I donât believe in my example statement. I was trying to make a comparison of a biphobic statement to what would be a lesbophobic/homophobic statement.
Q: I didnât read this whole thing because itâs too long and because I think youâre wrong, and Iâm not going to try and read obviously incorrect information.
A: Iâve gotten this response multiple times. I canât force you to read this, but I must say that refusing to read historical facts because you canât stand to be provided with evidence that you may be incorrect is extremely telling to your state of mind involving this topic. Thatâs basically just covering your ears, closing your eyes, and screaming, âLALALALA! IâM RIGHT! I CANâT HEAR YOUUU, LALALA!â
A: Iâm sorry, but âbutâ nothing. Even if I hadnât supplied you with a humongous essay about the history of bisexual women and how they helped to create the culture around the words youâre trying to keep from us, you still wouldnât try to control how bisexual women experience femininity or the lack thereof. Our history was purposefully erased by radical feminists who considered us traitors. Weâre taking our history AND our terms back, and there is nothing that anyone can do to stop us.
