#daiman wayne

Batman: Wayne Family Adventures #103 - "Personal Growth" (2023)

Wonder Woman: Grappy?

Flash: Its the look Batman has when he's both happy and grumpy. I call it grappy.

Batman: I'm fine. I just have a migraine this morning.

Flash: What caused it?

Batman: My gremlin children were up all last night arguing and yelling about a case they're working on. I got even less sleep than I normally do which isn't even humanly possible.

Flash: And the happy part?

Batman: They solved it. The case had been stumping me for weeks so I handed it off to them and they solved it in less than a day. I couldn't be prouder of my angels.

Green Lantern: Hold up. A second ago they were gremlins and now they're angels?

Batman: You'll understand when Hawkgirl over there lays your first egg.

Flash: He's right. Don and Dawn are both the biggest blessings in my life and also a nightmare.

Superman: I hear ya.

Batman: What did baby boy scout do?

Superman: So get this...he's around Damian's age, right?

Batman: Uh huh.

Superman: So I figured its time he learned about how the farm works. Its good to know. Builds character and maybe some day he'll help me run it when Ma and Pa pass away.

Batman: Right.

Superman: So I was trying to show him how hay becomes all bailed up and such and he says "I don't give a darn about stupid hay!"

Batman: .........That's not the Jonathan I know.

Superman: Would you believe that Ma said that too? Exactly. Word for word. I kid you not.

Batman: I can. I do. Because that's not our Jonathan.

Flash: I hope you punished him for that kind of language.

Superman: I had to be tough but fair. He's got to learn that won't be tolerated especially here at grandma & grandpa's.

Batman: What was the ruling?

Superman: No puzzles. For a week.

Flash: Oof.

Superman: I know. I know. It seems harsh but mister, you will learn to behave, I told him.

Batman: Well you had to be strong and stern.

Superman: Do your kids ever use that kind of coarse language at home?

Most of the time, the DC movies like to pretend that Dick is the only Robin. Yes, he may be the premier Robin, but he’s not the one and only Robin by far.

Simon Snow: 

Why? He was the chosen one and I just want to know what Baz found so appealing.

Would I Win? Absolutely not, I would try though.

Jon Kent:

Why? I just want to see if he’d hit me back.

Would I Win? This has three possible outcomes. 1. He doesn't hit me back and by default I win 2. He hits me back but only once and then again, I win by default. 3. He holds no qualms about hitting girls, and I get obliterated.

Severus Snape:

Why? He bullied an 11 year old because he couldn't get his dick wet and then stepped over her husband's body to cradle her corpse after she told him to stay far far away from her.

Would I Win? Depends, two outcomes. I'm short, I could slip under his weird robe and punch him in the nuts, then I win. But he could also hex me and I'm a filthy American and wouldn't know what to do if British man was yelling gibberish at me so I accidentally let him and I’d lose. 

Lamb:

Why? He flirted with Baz, knowing he was like 60 years older than him. I smell a pedo.

Would I Win? With his super human speed and strength, I’d lose but what do you tell your high class vampire friends when you come back with a ripped suit and a missing finger? (chompity) That you got jumped by a 5’3 14 year old from the south? No, he lies but we all know what really happened and he has to live that shame forever (literally). 

Sokka:

Why? I just want to try, but he wouldn't even hit me, as I haven’t committed a war crime (yet).

Would I Win?  If he were to actually fight me, I’d lose terribly but seeing as I’m not a criminal (to the extent of his knowledge) he’d try to talk it out and, by default, I’d win.

Zuko:

Why? I just want to say I did it.

Would I Win? This also has multiple outcomes. 1. If i catch him on a Bad Brain = Bad Thoughts day, he’d just let me hit him, thus, I win. 2. If I try to fight him at the Jasmine Dragon, Iroh steps in and they whip my ass together (family bonding <3) 3. If I try to get at this man while he's in his throne room, I get my ass beat by him plus the Royal Guards and I barely come out alive 4. I get him before the redemption when he has no qualms about murdering children, and I get whipped. 5. I meet him as an older gent and he tries to stop me and when I don't, he wipes the floor with me.

The Queen Of England: 

Why? She's so fucking old I need to see if one punch dusts her or if shes immortal.

Would I Win? Depends. 1. I shatter her frail old lady bones and win 2. Her royal guards catch me and throw me in bad boy jail 3. She turns out to be immortal and she Super-Sains me into a new dimension.

Kyle Jenner:

Why? Her shitty face wash and make up made me break out so I have a score to settle.

Would I Win? Yes. She's so used to being loved and famous, she wouldn't be prepared for me to leap out of the adoring crowd and try to rip her eyelashes out. Her bodyguards pull me off and I go to bad boy prison but she has to live with the fact she got her eyelashes ripped out by a southern 5’3 girl over her shitty face wash.

Stormy:

Why? She's so goddamn smug all the time and i just need to show her what the real world is like

Would I Win? She's like 4, so yeah

Dream:

Why? I just want to say I beat up a Minecraft World Record Speedrunner

Would I Win? Depends. 1. He doesn't hit girls so he picks me up and removes me from his presents, I lose, both the fight and my pride. 2. He doesn't hit girls and I win by default. 3. He holds no qualms on hitting girls and I lose terribly.

Technoblade:

Why? Pig man with God Complex, crippling self-hatred and a potato addiction needs to be hit by someone who is not on his same skill level.

Would I Win? Two outcomes. 1. Absolutely not and he wipes the floor with me. 2. His respect for lesbians is too high and he refuses to hit me, thus I win by default.

Eret:

Why? I just want to try

Would I Win? No, he's 6’5 and would just chuck me through a nearby wall

Sapnap:

Why? I just want to see if he’d hit me back

Would I Win? Absolutely not, he’d light me on fire

Richie Tozier:

Why? There's not really a reason, I just want to punch him very badly

Would I Win? Depends, he ruthlessly mocks me and i collapse in a fit of emotional abuse or I get the first hit in and goes out like a light

Donald J. Trump (The J stands for Jenuis/Jewish)

Why? He’s a racist, homophobic, Islamophobic Cheeto puff in a taupe

Would I Win? Abso-fucking-lutly. He's built like a ballsack and probably smells like one too.

Damian Wayne:

Why? He’s a CHILD with a God Complex whose (BF)F is an alien, he deserves it. He also isn't used to being hit by someone his own age so it'll  be good practice

Would I Win? Absolutely not, he turns me into a kabob and I do not survive 

Timothy Drake:

Why? Him and his marshmallow flavored coffee can catch these hands

Would I Win? He's 5’2 and 90 lbs. I take his coffee pot and he collapses within the hour from exhaustion. I win.

Adam Sandler:

Why? He has a very punchable face which is proven by all the movies his in where he gets punched in the face

reporter : gotham bats coach, bruce wayne sir! may i ask you a question regarding one of your players ?!

bb (batman bruce) : go ahead, but i do need to get to a meeting

reporter : sir, your team’s goaltender, your son daiman wayne, is it technically legal that he’s playing for your nhl team? according to his age he should just now being finishing middle school -

bb : my son was homeschooled, he joined the league when he finished his high school studies, just like all my others

reporter : but he’s like 13 - wait - others ?? isnt daiman your only child -