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Every member of the batfamily owns a shitty old Nokia phone.
They all dropped their much more expensive modern-day phones from a few stories up mid Vigilante-ing at least once and now they're no longer allowed to have their Good Phones on their person during crime fighting.
At least one thug has been domed in the back of the head by a Nokia lol
Jason and Damian are playing a game where they test each others resistance to poisons while the others make bets.
Dick: So we're all in agreement about Damian winning?
Jason: No loyalty.
Duke: I bet on you Jason
Jason: Then you're gonna lose lol.
While they're talking Bruce just... mixes all of them together and downs the concoction.
Bruce: I've had vodka stronger than this.
Everyone is horrified except Alfred, who watched Bruce do this a hundred times when he first finished his training as a 'party trick' and already placed his bet on Bruce.
At one point, drunk out of their minds, Tim got ahold of a video of Jason saying “I love you guys.” While Cass was holding back his hair as he was throwing up.
It was often brought up in their sibling group chats as a ‘we shall never forget’ for fun and jokes.
Jason would sound pissy, but they knew if he really didn’t like the video going around he would make it a lot more obvious.
When Dick hinted at sending it to Bruce, “he would cry I think”, Jason didn’t even shut down the idea entirely. Just a message of
“I wouldn’t live it down if the old man saw me get this soft”
“You kinda sound like a build-a-bear.”
“Guys I have an idea!”
When Bruce’s birthday arrived, he really didn’t expect to get anything from them.
They’d all made time to be at the manor, that was gift enough.
So when all of them put their similar looking presents on the table, he was surprised.
One by one, he opened the small boxes.
“Mini versions of your vigilante hero personas?” He questioned with a laugh. They were small stuffed plushies, looking more like round balls than anything. Their little outfits were undoubtedly the toy versions of the heroes sitting in front of him.
“You missed the best part” Tim said and pressed the stomach of his own. “I love you, B”
Even as his ears were entirely red, he smiled and gave the toy back. Flushing even more when Bruce began pressing the button again and again.
“They all got the same voice line.” Dick grinned and lined all of them up beside one another.
“All of them?”
Eyeing one of them specifically.
“All of ‘em old man.” Jason said, standing up and moving towards the door, “I’m going out for a smoke.” His neck tinted pink along with the tips of his ears.
In the old Gotham air, he was soon joined by his dad. “I love you too Jay.”
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synopsis : you and jason todd are friends with benefits. roy harper doesn't seem to think so. he thinks you guys are madly in love!! and god save you from that man's sideeyes.
tw: nsfw. there's no full smut scenes but lots of it is mentioned. ya'll have basically done it in most positions-
ooc characters, maybe?!?
convenience store
11:45 p. m.
“unfuckingbelievable.” jason huffed and reached the aisle you were at. when you barely reacted to his words, his brows furrowed and he rested a hand lightly on your hip, “what’re you looking for, pretty?”
“hm!?” you jolted at the touch, glancing back, and relaxed immediately to see that it was just your jason, “oh, you! you startled me.” you shook your head, seeing the amused smile quirk up on his face at your distress, “i can't find the orange gums that i like. were you saying something?”
“i said it's fucking unbelievable.” he said bitterly, when you turned around fully and leaned against the shelf behind you. he moved closer to trap you between his arms, “my card declined. was getting a pack of cigarettes and apparently the policy here is i gotta pay first. this guy doesn't accept crumbled bills. and my card fucking declined.”
your hands snaked up to rest against his chest, or rather the leather of his jacket, “you and bruce having a row again?” not that it'd matter. jason didn't even use the trustfund set up by bruce for himself. if anything, he only ever utilized that money to help out casualties. usually children caught in the crossfire of crime .
“that's what i thought. his communication skills are otherworldly afterall. but no,” jason sighed, “i texted dick, turns out he had tim doing this april fools prank. not funny.”
you frowned, agreeing with him obviously, as you nodded your head. you, too, would crashout and get really angry if someone thought it was okay to fuck with your personal stuff, “he's knocking it off though, right?”
“not before 12 o’clock.” he answered, “tim set a timer or whatever. i don't care. i wouldn't care if it was you who did it. “ he added, “i just don't like that-” he trailed off, dropping his forehead against your shoulder.
your hands immediately found home in his hair, soothingly running through the curls at the back of his head. “i know. i understand. you don't–” you murmured, "they're so childish when it comes to boundaries sometimes.”
he tilted his head and pressed his lips to the side of your neck before pulling away and standing to his full height again, towering over you by a couple inches.
your eyes widened as you looked past jason, checking for the third of the trio. roy harper. this friends with benefits thing was not a secret, you just didn't like the smug look roy got on his face whenever seeing you two get all sweet with physicality.
you liked kissing jason casually, just because. and he often did the same with you. you'd be deep in a gory tv show, wrapped up in your fluffiest self-crocheted blanket on the couch, and he'd walk by you, leaving a kiss on the top of your head. jason would get to your kitchen and heat himself up something to eat. he'd return to the living room, dropping beside you on the couch, watching you watch tv. and you'd open your mouth occasionally so that he could share his food with you. you had a habit of playfully biting on his fingers. he was very bite-able.
most days, you went out for runs right before dawn. you liked the cinematicness of it. how you could pretend to run from the cops or villains alike, even though there was no one outside. mostly it helped you regulate your anxiety. the adrenaline was addictive. and those runs always ended with you knocking on jason's apartment door. the door would open almost immediately. like he knew you were on your way.
him only in his boxers. taking you into his arms and into his bed. your legs wrapping around his hips, as he'd hastily close the door behind you. making sure it's locked safely. before taking you both into his bedroom.
most of these encounters ended with grinds of his hips into yours, dragging out sounds of excruciating pleasure from the both of you. sometimes with you on your back, as he'd stare down at your face with feverish want. you'd take his jaw into your hands and kiss him senseless. his cock greedily buried in your cunt, desperate to please you.
sometimes it was you on top of him, slow grinds of your hips down onto his cock eventually turning into the most erratic thing ever. jason always looked a little too wrecked then, he was pretty sure god was a woman and that woman was you. he'd take mouthfuls of your breasts, gasping at the flutter of your inner walls around his cock, and completely fucking gone for the moans and praises that left your mouth. he saw fucking stars whenever you grasped his throat.
sometimes, he'd pound into you relentlessly with your face smushed into the mattress, ass up, hands scrambling to hold for something, anything, as every thrust made your spine arch.
and then there was jason’s favorite. making out with your pussy. he'd drag orgasms after orgasms out of you until you were overstimulated and practically incoherent with your face buried in his pillow, telling him you can't again, and he'd tease you sweetly and dedicate his all into making you come again. he knew you loved it whenever he spat on you or spanked your cunt, so the smug bastard always withheld them til the end.
the days your brain was far too awake regardless of too little sleep, you loved having jason's cock in your mouth. sucking him off and letting him take control until you were all dumb and sleepy. the tip of his cock brushing your lips before he'd slip in, your pussy throbbing against the vibrator you'd be sitting on. your chin and chest coated with drool and precum, as jason would thrust into you lazily.
and then sometimes, jason would bring you to his bed, and you'd murmur in his ear that you didn't want sex this time. you just missed him, so you came here. he'd kiss your forehead and set you down against the pillows. he'd help you out of your running clothes down to your underwear, and let one of his shirts swallow you instead. settling in the bed with you, he'd hold you in his arms, into the clingiest of hugs ever. he'd once playfully said his friendship came with the benefits of spooning.
so, yes, roy harper knew about the situation. of course he did. he was jason’s roommate. he had to hear you practically every early morning for hours. well, more jason than you actually. but roy was convinced you two were oblivious idiots in love, reducing your world-class romance into just sex.
because roy saw you arrive at a group hang out once in jason's wonder woman tshirt. he'd seen how giddy jason had appeared over it. his hand immediately slipping into the back pocket of your jeans. he'd leaned down and murmured something in your ear. you'd rolled your eyes, one of the most formidable women suddenly so shy, as you'd buried your face against his arm. you were both smiling like hah! people in love!!
jason always held your hand whenever you guys were out together. no matter where. specially in crowds. whenever you or jason would catch roy's side eye, ya'll would defend the behavior saying holding hands couldn't be more intimate than sex, so it wasn't a big deal. if one would ask for roy harper's opinion on that, roy had only one thing to say : lies, nasty nasty lies!
jason had your coffee order memorized. he brought you flowers occasionally because it was disrespectful to not bring the woman he was with flowers; you deserved to feel appreciated and cherished. most nights he had dinner at your place before patrol because he liked your company.
he shared almost everything about himself with you because not being transparent with you about a mission once had made him sick to his stomach, he'd begged roy to shoot his guts out. roy had simply called you over. the moment you guys were together, jason started rambling and having a panic attack, and you cradled his head against your neck, shushing him and reassuring him with such gentleness that roy again knew, ha! these morons were in love!!
every time jason was forced to attend a wayne gala, you attended them with him as his date. you had a photo album in your totebag, filled with polaroids of jason. roy had asked about it once, you'd shrugged and said jason was your favorite person in the world and you liked capturing him. whenever jason read a book on his living room couch, you'd end up half on top of him. your arm across his stomach and head on his chest. jason never got annoyed by it, he seemed to crave it actually. you were his emotional support pillow practically, given the catastrophic topics he liked reading about. he'd hold the book with one hand, and hold you carefully with his other arm. you always looked really content just being in his arms. roy was genuinely sick of all these fuckery getting called 'just friends', because respectfully where was his hugs, and cuddles and wonder woman tshirt and flowers and gossip and polaroids. christ! you'd even crocheted a hello kitty stuffed toy that resembled red hood!!
roy had even once walked in on you telling jason about your insecurities, and him so so gently lifting you onto his lap. he spoke so softly, so lovingly, his eyes filled with so much empathy for you, as though you feeling down hurt him physically, it was fucking diabolical.
“where'd roy go?” you asked, eyes meeting jason’s.
“uh, yeah,” he scratched the back of his neck, “the girl he's been seeing? she called. her ex boyfriend broke into her apartment---fucking prick, i know---and she beat him up with her hockey stick-”
“hot.” you perked up and jason leaned down to brush his mouth against yours for a moment.
“yeah, so, she's pretty freaked out now cuz the creep passed out and isn't moving. roy’s gone to make sure he isn't dead, or if he is-” jason ominously shrugged, and you laughed, wrapping your arms around his middle and tipping your head back to look at his infuriatingly attractive face. you knew roy would make the body disappear if the man was dead. he was rather down bad for this woman. she seemed to know how to make a man walk like a dog, you loved that for the both of them, “they make an interesting pair, don't they?” jason shook his head, baffled.
you poked your tongue out goofily, nodding your head, and then leaned up to steal a quick kiss, “tell you what, find me my gums and i’ll get your cigarettes. nothing quite romantic like rotting teeth and fucked up lungs. we make an even more interesting pair, yes, we do-”
you were cut off when jason’s mouth met yours messily. you had to grip the back of his jacket, because gravity stopped entirely and your knees buckled. kissing jason todd was your favorite thing ever, as you met him with equal fervor. his thigh slid between your legs and you made a soft sound of approval. he pulled away, and took a quick look at your flushed face, committing it to memory. his cheeks were flushed too and he was grinning.
you rolled your eyes and dragged his face back to yours with the back of his head as you practically devoured him. you two could be obscene. it seemed less like just kissing and more like him trying to fuck your mouth with his.
eventually you two had to pull away, gasping for breath. and yet, not kissing him felt more claustrophobic than anything, “what—was—that—for?” you said between breaths.
jason shrugged, stepping back as you steadied on your feet, “just wanted to kiss my girl.”
you beamed up pathetically at him, butterflies doing cartwheels in your stomach, “oh, i’m your girl now, am i?” you playfully asked.
“yes, ma’am, you are.” he said, with theatrical seriousness.
you reached up a hand to mess up his ruined hair even more. “hm,” you paused for the dramatics sake, "then you must build a shrine for me." you bossily declared.
"do i get to fuck you in front of it?" he asked, eyes sparkling with mischief.
"if you're good." you eyed him, "yes."
he nodded immediately, "oh, doll, i'll be so good."
next/sequel
it's so badly written. that's cuz i just rawdogged this under 3 hours?!? 4 at best?!? and it's 8 in the morning rn. my head hurts and im pretty sure i'm starting a fever. lmao. have fun. i hope it wasn't too ooc and repetitive. i tried proofreading twice but ive memory problems because of health issues, so :) and and forgive my attempt at smut, i'm an inexperienced fuck who's never written it before.
they do genuinely think that they're just friends btw, well, friends with benefits. even though subconsciously you're jason’s wife right there!!! or that's what roy would say :)
I like the idea that Bruce found out Jason was alive not because of some dramatic reveal or anything but just cause he got back from patrol one night and Jason was causualy as fuck in the manor looking through the fridge.
Like Bruce passes the kitchen on the way up to his room and at first he thinks it's Tim or perhaps Dick came over at some point, but then something in his tired brain clicks and he's like "Wait.." And then rushes back to the kitchen doorway.
Lo and behold, there is his son, his precious baby boy he thought was gone forever, tears start to build in his eyes as he gazes at the child he watched die in his arms, his little boy looks so different but he's still that boy from all those years ago, Bruce can tell, a father can always tell. And as mascara runs down Bruce's face, Jason opens his mouth to speak, the first words Bruce will hear from his son in years..
i love random damian skills that never get brought back they're so funny
Like yeah, of course this ten year old can mimic voices of teenagers and fully grown adults enough to trick THE FUCKING BATMANS SECURITY SYSTEM IN HIS MOST SECURE BASE. of course he can do that
also of course he can survive being stabbed in a vital organ. yeah. he can just...move it aside from the knife that he was stabbed with and heal fully while he sleeps. just move HIS LIVER out the way. I'm sure tim would appreciate that skill for his spleen but whatever.
