Notes from Philza's journal after he found a 3-yo Techno. He had to go to Bad and Sapnap a lot since they were the only other Netherborns.

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Fire ≠ Bad. Fire, lava, even magma blocks — apparently not dangerous to Netherborns. They swim in it. I nearly had a heart attack when Techno toddled straight into a lava pool and came out giggling. Said it was “nice and warm.” I had to sit down.

Gold is a snack now. Sometimes he crunches on it like candy. Sometimes he sniffs it and tucks it away like a plushie. Comfort item? Cultural instinct? I don’t know anymore. I’ve stopped questioning.

They have a second language that’s 70% growls. I thought he was throwing tantrums. Turns out he was talking. Bad says it’s called “feral-speak” — used for emotional nuance and long-distance calls. Fantastic. My son can now scream entire conversations across biomes.

Four legs, good. Apparently walking upright is optional. The first time I saw Techno bolt across the room on all fours I dropped my sword. Bad just patted me on the shoulder and said, “He’s growing up.”

They howl. Like wolves. Loudly. Especially at moonrise. Or sunrise. Or when he’s proud. The villagers hate it.

They hunt. Piglins are omnivorous but lean predator. The teeth aren’t for show. I caught Techno stalking a chicken yesterday. It was impressive and horrifying in equal measure.

The glowing eyes are normal. Doesn’t mean possession. Doesn’t mean smiting. Just… piglin things.

Blazes have limbs, and they just retract them. I didn’t need to know that. I wish I didn’t know that. Sapnap demonstrated. I need therapy.

Demons = cats. Bad can purr, and it scares me.

Fermented netherwart is basically Nether booze. Everyone sane avoids it according to Bad. Techno once sniffed a piece and immediately backed away hissing. Never again.

Demon horns are weapons. Bad gored a ghast midair once. Still smiling about it. Terrifying creature.

Piglins can bark, roar, growl, and shriek. Sometimes all in the same sentence.

Piglin cubs = chaos gremlins. They wrestle constantly. I walked in on Techno and a bastion cub in a full wrestling match over a single nugget of gold. It ended with both of them napping in a heap.

Nether kids are social in the weirdest ways. They tussle to bond, screech to say hi, and share burnt fungus like snacks. Half the nearest fortress knows my kid now.

Conclusion: Raising a Netherborn is 40% panic, 30% cleaning soot off everything I own, 20% pretending I know what I’m doing, and 10% absolute awe at how fiercely alive they are.

If he starts breathing fire next, I’m calling Sapnap.

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Volume II: The Adolescent Arc.

1. The growling has changed. Used to be cute little snorts and huffs — now it’s rumbles. Actual, chest-deep, “I could challenge a ghast to a duel” noises. Apparently this is normal for young piglins finding their voice. I’ve learned to respond with calm authority instead of my sword. Usually.

2. Everything is a dominance test now. I tried to tell him to clean up his room. He stared me down. Growled. I growled back (Bad said that helps). He laughed. Then cleaned up.

4. Feral screeching now doubles as a summoning call. He can—and has—called Sapnap from two miles away.

Bad found this “adorable.”

5. Lava diving is now a sport. Techno and Sapnap have contests to see who can stay submerged the longest. Loser owes the other a gold nugget.

My blood pressure: catastrophic.

6. The Nether pack instinct is kicking in. He circles people now. Sniffs them. Decides if they’re friend or prey. Ranboo passed. Tommy passed. Quackity didn't. (In fairness, Quacks was waving a raw porkchop around.)

7. Training has begun. Bad’s teaching him how to channel that feral focus into combat. I’ve seen them spar. It’s terrifyingly elegant — all snarls and smoke and muscle memory. Bad says, “He’s doing well.” I say, “He’s twelve.” Bad says, “Exactly.”

8. He’s started… challenging me. Nothing serious, just little things — trying to knock the sword from my hand, shoulder-bumping me in mock fights, refusing to back down from eye contact. Apparently, in Nether culture, that’s affection and a test of respect. He grinned when I finally pinned him down in a spar. Called me “Old Chief.” I think that’s a compliment. Probably.

9. The howling has harmonies now. He doesn’t just howl alone — he howls with others. Sometimes the whole Nether echoes back. Sometimes Bad joins in.

10. I caught him teaching Tommy and Tubbo “feral-speak.” I have three children growling at each other over breakfast now.

11. He’s growing tusks. Not big yet, but they’re sharp. Techno always had them, at least he did by the time I found him at three, but now they're actually growing. He tries to hide them when he smiles. He doesn’t need to — they suit him.

12. He still curls up like a piglet when he’s tired. No matter how big he gets, he’ll drag his blanket to my chair, flop down, and snore like a tiny furnace. And for all the chaos and claws and growling… he’s still my boy.

Final note: I think I’m raising a future warlord. Or a future king. Or both. Either way… I’m proud. And terrified.

So like when Wilbur is 15 (techno too cus they're twins in this au) and Tommy is 9, Phil is in like his prime as the crow father and he's this like icon for superheros and parents and it's amazing and they live a great life.

Then Wilbur gets kidnapped.

And like Phil's freaking out over this and calling all his hero friends to try find Wilbur but nothing works like one minute he was in his bedroom sleeping and then the next he's gone and I see Phil as one of those really protective parents so he has cameras in his kids room and like they had to do a ton of slideshows and begging in order to be allowed their own rooms since Phil thought it would be safer for them all to sleep in a shared room but yknow in the end he ended up allowing them their own rooms but with the condition of having cameras in there.

He heavily regrets that decision.

Techno on the other hand has completely shut down cus will was like his personal translator who said the things he didn't want to because yknow Wilbur has no filter. But with his twin gone he's just become completely unreadable and clings himself to Phil and Tommy. He also has this breakdown where he blames Phil for Wilbur being kidnapped because it's assumed that his fame and large numbers of enemies is what caused the villain to target Wilbur. He immediately feels bad about it but still stops calling him Dad and Phil instead. He also becomes a hero and basically kills all the suspects of the kidnapping (he's 22 at this point)

And then there's Tommy on the other side of the spectrum who has like gone from a nice cheeky kid to an absolute crashout like he's not taking anything seriously and is constantly messing around like image Tommy from the very beginning of dsmp where he was doing shit for the sake of doing shit. No one's really sure why he's acting this way and the doctors he's been to say it might have to do with him being so young yet loosing someone so important to him has messed up the things his brain really views as important so he's extremely apathetic towards others since he thinks they're not permanent so he should care that much about how his actions affect them. Or maybe he's just batshit insane and Wilbur was able to help him suppress it. Both could work.

Anyway, Tommy turns 16 so this is 7 years after wilburs kidnapping and he's just chilling and stuff and fall of a sudden some fuckass pigeon is attacking his window so he being the big man he is opens the window and smacks the pigeon and as he smacks it a little letter falls out it's mouth and Tommy doesn't pick it up because it's unsanitary and women hate that and then the pigeon flies of and Tommy shrugs of the incident and goes back to whatever he was doing.

Phil and techno come home and everythings normal just some how were your days and stuff and then techno sees the note on the floor and is like what's this and Tommy is like idk I think a pigeon gave birth to it. And Phil doesn't bat an eye at that because weirder things have happened so oh well except techno reads out the note and it says happy 16th birthday love Wilbur. And then he starts crashing out about someone playing a fucked up prank and is like Tommy who did the pigeon belong to and Phil is having a mental breakdown because his son's beautiful name shouldn't be used to upset his kids.

Butttt instead of Tommy also getting upset about it he's remembering the time he said he wished his birthday was everyday so he's always get to have parties and cake and so for the whole day Wilbur pretended it was Tommy's birthday despite him already having it like a month ago. And so ofc the letter is send on that day only 7 years later.

Cue to Tommy confessing this and Phil calling in all his hero friends who trace the pigeon who dropped the letter (don't ask me how) and then end up at an apartment where surprise suprise, Wilbur is there except he's in locked himself in the bathroom and sitting in a bathtub refusing to come out and says he's naked and if they come in he'll have a breakdown. I imagine Sam being the main one on the case so he used to babysit Wilbur as a kid and so he knows it's Wilbur in that room because even if he can't see him , Wilbur has that voice that you just can't forget (possibly a part of his powers 👀). So Sam calls Phil and is like it's him I know it is so the whole craft family comes down and knock on the door and Wilbur is like who is it and like Phil has been waiting 7years to hear his kids voice again despite a very large part of him believing Wilbur is dead so he buts the door down and hey hold, Wilbur is in the tub with a TV tied to the radiator Infront of it (royal tenebaums reference) and he looks like the equivalent of ghostbur but alive.