Andrew seems to be developing something like separation anxiety, ever since Neil went and got himself kidnapped. But he knew It was something a long time in the making, Neil the straw that broke the camel's back; he let Aaron out of his sight, his reach and Tilda put her hands on him, he let Nicky out of his sight and a bunch of homophobes put him in hospital, he let Kevin out of his reach at the Kathy Ferdinand show and Riko played with his mind like a mouse. He let Neil unhook his claws and he almost lost him forever.
It starts with counting, in his mind, whenever he leaves them; one, two, three, four. All there, all safe, all close. But it gets harder and harder to reassure himself that they're safe. Any moment that he can't be there for them is a risk.
It progresses to touch pretty soon after he realises he can't go on like he is, his mind bending and twisting in four different directions. Bee says it's compulsion-- and she'd know all about that particular mind fuck-- that he should text them, visual confirmation that they are okay. It helps but not really. He begins to let his shoulders brush against theirs, no he begins to seek it out. The firm press of a warm arm against his shoulder, who knew a new trauma could actually balance out an old one? Oh don't get him wrong, his skin still crawls in aversion but it eases off somewhat, because these bodies are his to protect.
He didn't count on Nicky being the first one to notice of all people (well, apart from Neil but Neil was always in his own category, the nuisance). "Is something going on? I feel like you've touched me more in the past couple of months then you had in the entire time we've known each other?"
"I can stop." He says it like it doesn't matter, like he won't twist his own mind into doubting whether Nicky is even real if can't prove it with touch. He will never be like them.
"No! It's just, you were being so careful about it, always making sure we see you coming, always giving us time to move away. It's... Andrew you know you can touch me any time, right? Like, I know you'll never want to hug me or anything but a hand on my shoulder? Or something?" Nicky looks him in the eye and sets his shoulders. He's been talking to Neil. "I give you permission, Andrew. Whatever you need."
Andrew leaves the dorm without a word but the next day, when Nicky is gathering his things for class, Andrew claps him on the shoulder on his way to the kitchen (one), eyes firmly in front of him. He doesn't see Nicky's beaming smile. He doesn't see Aaron's confusion, suspicion. He does see Neil, his soft eyes.
"146 percent." He grunts as he pushes Neil against the kitchen counter (two). He'll have to go shoulder barge Kevin soon (three), and make brushing past Aaron seen casual (four). The need to feel them alive and safe will motivate him into it. But for now he sips his coffee and pretends not to hear when Neil says he's proud of him.
(Just a hc that Andrew develops something of a compulsive disorder to deal with the fact that he can't protect his family all the time)
