#coma!buck

Christopher: *a child*

Eddie: *a single Dad of said child*

"I'm glad you're okay." Eddie murmurs. He always talks to Buck, hoping the man hears him even if unconscious. Hoping Buck knows Eddie's always there, that he'll never lose hope.

Buck's been in a coma for almost two months now and— it's been hard. It's been really hard, if he's being honest. Life moves on, shifts are scheduled, events at Chris' school happen and Eddie— Eddie feels like a part of him is missing all the time. Like a limb was amputated and he doesn't know what to do without it.

He always turns around when someone says something funny, wanting to see Buck's reaction and then he remembers.

"Today was a quiet shift." He smiles as he traces his fingers through Buck's beard. He kinda likes the scruffy look but he knows the man hates it and always made it a point to be clean and shaven. So Eddie will do it for him until Buck wakes up. "I know I'm not supposed to say the q words but if you hate it so much maybe you should wake up and kick my ass, huh?"

Eddie stops for a second, waiting with bated breath for Buck to react, to open his eyes and look at Eddie with that frown between his eyes and his nose all scrunched up. Eddie waits for the "You just jinxed the team, man!" but it never comes.

"Yeah, okay." He breathes out and prepares the materials. At first the nurses were supposed to do this but they did a sloppy job and they were too fast, never treating Buck with the gentleness and the softness he deserves. So Eddie might have yelled at them a little but hey, he got the job done. Whatever.

"Chris has a girlfriend, did you know? it's pretty recent and don't worry, I don't think they even kissed yet." He chuckles as he spreads the shaving cream with soft touches. "I know you'd say he's too young for that." He whispers and looks down at Buck. "He's growing too fast and you're missing it, Buckley." Eddie says with a strained voice and then shakes his head.

No. He can't do this. Not right now.

"Anyway. What else? Oh! There was this funny call today at shift…" Eddie talks and talks as he moves methodically.

Eddie's fingers flit over Buck's skin quickly, the blade becoming a steady rhythm of contact as it glides over his neck and jaw carefully and softly. From time to time, his hands meet either side of Buck's face, turning him this way and that to allow Eddie to reach the area he needs. It's— intimate and domestic in a way that makes him ache.

He even lets his mind wander, imagines doing this with Buck awake and instead of the hospital, they're in Eddie's bathroom— but it would be their bathroom. And Buck would be sitting in the counter sink, with Eddie between his legs. He would smirk and follow Eddie with his gaze, blue eyes happy and shining with love and a tinge of mirth. It's a nice fantasy.

Maybe someday, Eddie thinks.

Finally, he grabs a small towel and cleans Buck's face. His touch is feather-light as he gently wipes away the remaining shaving cream from Buck's skin.

Because of him being so focused on Buck's features, he doesn't miss the way the man's eyelids flutter like he's trying to wake up.

"Buck?" Eddie whispers, quiet and scared and reluctantly hopeful. "Hey, Buck? Wake up. Please." Eddie begs, his voice breaking in the last words as he lets go of the stuff, letting it fall to the ground and reaches a hand to grab one of Buck's, his fingers squeezing it almost too hard. "C'mon. I know you can do it."

Eddie waits, waits and waits and he starts to think it was a figment of his imagination, that he's slowly losing his mind.

But then —

He feels a slight squeeze, barely there. He looks down and Buck's hand is holding his.

Buck's holding his hand.

When his gaze goes back up, he finds himself looking at tired, confused blues.

"Hey, Buck." Eddie chuckles wetly in disbelief and excitement, though his voice is quiet and gentle. His vision goes blurry with tears that he quickly blinks away, not wanting to miss a second of Buck's face.

"Eddie." Buck rasps out.

Buck: ...

Eddie: Don't do that. You know I don't like it when you're not smiling. I bought them, see? I'll leave it here in case you want some later.

Buck: ...

Eddie, holding Buck's hand: Christopher says hi by the way. He's kind of annoyed that he has to go to school today, but he says it's fine since I'll be here. And I am. Here.

Buck: ...

while he's in a coma gave me alot of mixed feelings. Like, on the one hand I get they were making parallels between Buck and Shannon, just putting another layer on the Buckley-Diaz Family cake. But also, I have trauma, and had to go to a therapist, after visiting my bonus parent while she was in a coma.

There are two main differences that I will point out (aside from the fact that this is a TV show and he's not actually going to recive the long lasting trauma):

Chris had CP, it's mentioned a couple times throughout the show that he's had multple surgeries, so it's not like he's unfamiliar with hospitals rooms. (I spent alot of my childhood going to different specialists but I hadn't had any surgeries or extended hospital stays until I was 17)

Chris is older, I think he's 11/12 in season 6, I was 9. so not a big age difference but it's there.

With that in mind, like I said, I get why they decided to do this. They wanted to show how important Buck and Chris really are to eachother. But at the same time, seeing a loved one, especially someone who is always so full of life, laying in a hospital bed hooked up to a buch of tubes and wires is actually quite traumatizing.

Buck & Eddie: 3x15 Lightning combined with 6x10 Lightning

Buck screaming for Eddie and Eddie screaming for Buck!

Just another coma!Buck fic speculation thing to join the others floating around. Exciting times. 1.2k. Nothing fancy, Buck won’t wake up. Eddie waits.

Read on AO3

“Hey Buck, it’s me.”

He doesn’t want to hold his hand yet. He has once before, only once. He’d held his hand and helped him bear the pain a little longer. Buck’s not in pain this time but he must have been, at least for a second or maybe it was longer. He doesn’t know, can’t ask because he’s not here to tell him.

Gritted teeth and deep breaths do nothing to stop the silent tears tracking down his face. He doesn’t care who sees them, once he might have but not anymore.

It must have hurt, he must have felt it, blinding white pain that consumes everything, wipes everything else away. That was what he’d felt, the last thing he’d felt. He probably didn’t even know he’d fallen. He probably hadn’t had time to be scared.

Gone in a flash.

Falling.

Eddie had plenty of time to be terrified. Far too much time. Buck falling; falling and hanging there limp lifeless, possibly dead; probably dead. Gone.

For far too long he hadn’t known if he was living in a world that no longer had Evan Buckley in it. He’d shouted, God had he shouted, till his voice was hoarse. 

Nothing. No sign from Buck, no clue to cling to. 

With every step he took upwards, rain pelting him, fear gripping him, he knew that Buck  would have reached for him, moved, given him a sign if he could have but he didn’t. It meant that until he was on the ground Eddie had thought he’d lost him. 

His bottom lip twitches and trembles and not for the first time today. He grips it with his teeth and tastes blood. He’s always bleeding. Bleeding out, this time from a broken heart, dying on the inside while he stares at Buck too scared to hold his hand again. 

Buck didn’t bleed, not a drop on him. Strange how Eddie nearly died with his blood spilling all over the street and Buck might die without losing a drop. Both of them left with a scar though. He’s seen the lightning marks. Buck would probably know so many facts about them, obsessed with natural disasters right? 

Eddie doesn’t know anything about them except he’s scared to touch them too. Make them real. If he doesn’t touch maybe none of this will be real. 

He knows it is. 

He also knows what it’s like now to live in a world without Buck. That can’t be allowed to happen again. Buck needs to live so Eddie can hold his hand and tell him. Tell him everything that he’s been hiding. 

He can at least start with the first truth he has.

“You need to stay with me, ok?” Tears fill his eyes again. One truth and the rest flows out after it like a dam breaking. 

“Please stay, I I can’t. Not without you. Please. It’s my own fault I know. I got used to you being there. I don’t know how to do it on my own any more.”

Quieter now, although there’s no one to hear him anyway.

“I don’t want to, I don’t want to do it on my own. I want to do it with you. Please come back so we can.”

Buck’s chest rises and falls. His heart is beating again now. They got him back. His hand is probably warm. It hadn’t been last time they’d held hands under that damn ladder truck. The ladder had done it to him again this time too. Eddie needs to make sure Buck stays away from them from now on.

Last time he’d been hurt this badly Eddie had held his hand and it had been cold, so cold. He doesn’t want to hold his hand when he’s cold or still, he wants Buck warm and alive and laughing when he reaches out and holds him next time. 

He knows he might not get that. This might be his only chance. He wishes he could move and hold him now.

“Eddie?”

Bobby’s voice. It scares him, makes him move quickly, making a choice at last. He grabs onto Buck’s hand and claims him, pure instinct. Mine. They’re not taking him away, they can’t make him leave. He won’t do it.

“Eddie. We should get going.”

He was expecting something like that, his hand tightens around Buck’s. Bobby can’t really think he’d just get up and leave can he? He doesn’t even look up at him. His eyes need to be watching Buck in case there’s any change. There hasn’t been yet, not for hours. 

“No. I’m not leaving him alone. He doesn’t like to be alone.”

Bobby’s voice is closer now.

“I know.” 

Their Captain is in the room now and Eddie glances up. Bobby looks so much older than the last time he saw him. He’s looking at Buck too, eyes full of hurt and fear. Eddie wonders vaguely what kind of picture he makes himself, sitting here clinging onto Buck  like he’s the only thing stopping him from drowning.

He is; he has been for the longest time. And now he’s not gone and Eddie’s sinking without him. 

“Mind if  I sit with you both?  If it’s ok, I’d  like to.”

Eddie nods, gives his permission as if he has the right to say who can and can’t be with Buck. He knows he hasn’t. He wishes he did. He will do one day. 

They sit silently and Bobby prays, lips moving silently. Eddie does too. They pray for the man they both love in different ways to come back to them. 

Eddie waits and he watches.

Maybe it will be like on the ladder,  he was taken in a flash. Maybe that’s how he’ll come back to them  in a flash, between one breath and the next, maybe he’ll just open his eyes, smile and be back.

He’ll  just keep watching until he does. Buck won’t leave him. He won’t. Buck has his back. He promised. He’s turned up every time Eddie’s needed him. Now won’t be any different. He believes in Buck. He believes in them.

Eddie can wait. He plans to wait forever if necessary but it won’t be necessary. Buck will open his eyes and then he won’t wait anymore. He’ll tell him everything and then he’ll be able to hold his hand whenever he likes and see Buck smile and kiss that smile and things will be just as they should be. 

He just needs to wait. 

It won’t take long. Just a little longer that’s all it will take. He’ll wait for another minute more. Then another. One minute at a time. As many minutes as it takes.

He’ll be back in a flash. He knows it.  Buck’s  hand isn’t cold but it’s not warm either, halfway between, just like the man on the bed. Not gone but not here.

He should be warmer but Eddie can share his own warmth until Buck comes back. He doesn’t mind. Anything he has is Buck’s anyway. He slides his other hand on top of the one that’s far too still, holding it safe between both of own.

“Hey Buck I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Eddie holds onto Buck’s hand and waits patiently to be given his future back.

It won’t take long.

Just another minute

Just another minute.

Just another minute.

It won’t take long.