#codependecy

The Spaces in Between part 65

(2/? about the alcoholic dad) I have to walk on eggshells around him and I can’t be myself. he also does this thing where basically the only way he interacts with the family is through making everything like a joke and seriously making himself like a child that needs to be taken cared of. he uses puppy eyes and childish pleas to manipulate us to fulfill his needs, and this mixed with the constant fear of making him angry is really upsetting and confusing. he is also really mean towards my mom

(3/?, alcoholic dad) but he’s kinda making it sound like a joke, so it’s really hard to say anything about it, with the constant fear of making him angry. I feel like I am really codependent towards him and I am starting to feel a little hopeless with this, I am ashamed of my codependency and the huge sense of responsibility that I have and I feel extremely guilty if I just retreat to my room. because he has complained about how we don’t spend enough time with him etc. I will be able to move out

(4/4, alcoholic dad) during next year but the remaining days here just feel really hard. I see a psychologist and it’s helping a little, but I am so so affected by this and I feel constantly anxious and tense at home. if you have any suggestions on what to do, I’m thankful but this was more like a way of letting it all out for me. maybe what I’m looking for is just someone to validate that it’s not all in my head. also thanks for running this blog. <3

Hey, thank you for the ask. We hope you’re doing all right and that you’re somewhere safe. We’re glad you can come vent to us about something so difficult. 

I had a parent that was very much like your dad, although they hid behind straight denial instead of jokes.  Any day could suddenly turn into “that” day if they picked us up from school buzzed or if they got very drunk at home and started real trouble. 

I dealt with it through a number of ways. I stayed in my room and did hobbies, did walks/biking outside, took extracurriculars, and saw friends/family friends. I know how hard it is, but you don’t have to feel guilty for denying your dad your company when he’s behaving this way. By making you the guilty party he’s ensuring your sympathy and help when he actually needs to learn to do things himself. 

You also need to at least attempt to set boundaries with him. If he says he’s lonely, you should tell him why you don’t want to be with him and the conditions for your company. If he makes jokes, you can tell him it’s not funny and say why the situation is serious. It’s very difficult, and he may deny his behavior, but as long as you stay calm and reasonable then there’s nothing more you could do - the rest is on him. If he continues being toxic then deny him your company. 

It’s very good that you already understand what your dad is doing and that you have a codependent relationship; it means you’re more likely to see past what he’s doing and deny that behavior. There’s no shame in codependency when you’re the one forced into that relationship. Your codependent behavior is just a way to survive and temper your stressful environment. Look forward to your move-out and hold on to your self-worth. 

Hey, there!I’m gonna start this answer with a picture and a link:

http://charlie-minion.tumblr.com/post/173012609177/what-was-this-mess-of-s10-that-people-keep-talking

Many peoplehave said they think this season feels like season 10, so that link is a goodread. Over there you’ll find a link to the plot accordion post by @elizabethrobertajones reblogged by @mittensmorgul. Youshould definitely read it because sometimes it’s important to pay attention notonly to what’s happening in the story but also to what extradiegetic elementsare at play (like Supernatural possibly getting two more seasons).

The plot accordiontook place in the Carver era, but I believe that with the introduction of the alternate universe this season, we’re witnessing another major accordion, thistime in the Dabb era. Many of us half thought, half hoped season 14 was goingto be the last one for Supernatural. We didn’t doubt for a second the showwould get renewed for s14; we just thought maybe they were ready to announce itas the show’s final season. That didn’t happen, though.

I’m one ofthose who believe the people in charge of the show will make the most possiblenoise when they’re ready to let go of SPN. The show’s not going to getcancelled out of the blue ‘cause it’s still going strong. I’m sure when theydecide the final season is coming, they’lltell us. That’s why I’m very positive we’ll get at least a season 15 (sinces14 wasn’t announced as the final one).

Last seasonDean was a lot closer to his emancipation than he’s ever been on the show. Whenhe let Sam go as an equal and then faced his mother (in 12x22), he opened thedoor that could take him to a better state of mind. Opening the door doesn’tmean he’ll magically be free in a matter of 2 or 3 eps, but that’s where hischaracter was going.

The thingis that when TPTB introduced the apocalypse 2.0, things kind of changed. I’mnot even going to talk about Dean’s mourning period in the first 5 episodes ofs13 because that’s more Destiel-related. The apocalypse being a relevant thingin season 13 and AU!Michael being the main threat in a world where Lucifer waskilled was obviously a reverse of our world where Michael is still trapped in acage that wasn’t meant for him and Lucifer is still on the loose.

One of thebest things about Supernatural is that because the show’s been running for so long, they’vebeen able to give symmetry to many important themes. Dean’s codependency inseason 9 vs Sam’s codependency in season 10. Dean’s unrequited feelings for Casin season 8 vs Cas’ unrequited feelings for Dean in season 9. Both themes arestill ongoing because they can’t be resolved before endgame. Kevin gettingkilled because of Dean’s efforts to save Sam vs Charlie getting killed becauseof Sam’s efforts to save Dean.

It makessense to think that now that we have another apocalypse, it should be the symmetrical half ofthe one we lived before. In season 5, Sam was possessed by Lucifer, it’s kindof poetic to think that Dean can get possessed by Michael this time. Because ofspoilers and lots of things, it seems that’s where we’re going, but we stilldon’t know if that’s what’s gonna happen. (I was holding back on that theory because it was way too predictable, but then I remembered they also thought that demon!Dean would be a surprise and it wasn’t). 

However, if the plan was for Dean to get possessed, having him on his way to emancipation was veryillogical. He needed to be kicked down.HARD.

Rememberthat when Cas said yes to Lucifer in season 11 he was at one of his lowestpoints? And never told Dean about it either? He was feeling expendable. Theonly thing he could do to protect Dean and Sam and to fight Amara (according tohim at the time) was to say yes to Lucifer.

Now it’sDean’s turn! In order to protect Sam and Cas (and Mary, Jack, AU!Charlie) hewill probably say yes to whoever will possess him. For him to say yes, he needsto be at one of his lowest points.

He startedthe season like that, but he got his faith back in 13x06. For some episodes itseemed Dean was in a better state than Sam, so something needed to change.

Dean doesn’twant to see his brother die again. He doesn’t want to see Cas die again. Hedoesn’t want to see his mother die again. He doesn’t want to see Charlie dieagain. He can’t deal with losing the people he loves again… while doing nothing!The level of frustration we saw him display at the end of 13x18 is kind of what’sgoing on inside his head. He will do anything to protect his family, even if heputs himself at risk for that.

Right nowthat’s Dean’s state of mind and he won’t talk about it with Cas or with anyonebecause at this moment in the story he needs to feel like that in order for thepossession to make narrative sense.

Jack actsas a Dean mirror in 13x20 when he says this:

That’sexactly how Dean is feeling right now. What’s the point of his life if he can’t keep his family safe? 

It’s not only aboutSam and if people think that because of 13x20, then they’re missing thepoint.  

Eps 1-5along with Dean’s apology in 13x13 show that it’s about Cas too. Dean’sreaction in 13x09 when he found out Mary was alive shows that it’s about Marytoo. The whole situation with AU!Charlie in 13x18 show that it’s even aboutsaving her because he doesn’t want to lose his “sister” again. It’s about Dean’sfamily and Sam is just one member of it. Family is Cas, Mary, and Jack. To Dean,family even includes the faces of the people he once loved. 

Whateverreckless decision Dean is about to make won’t be only about Sam, but it’s alsounwise to think it will be about Cas. 

It’s not about the codependencyright now. It’s not about Destiel either. It’s about family. 

We knew what Dean’sjourney this season would be when Jack became the mirror for Team Free Will in13x06. We got a shot of Dean when Jack said, “Every time I try and do something good, people get hurt.”

That’s whatDean doesn’t want. He doesn’t want his family to get hurt.

The Enabling Role--Getting and Giving Much Needed Help The enabling role is a tough one. It is also a significant one in the life of a person with an addiction, the family that lives with addiction, and the life of the enabler, too.  In the grand scheme of things, it is a role assumed in [...]

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