#closed chapter

january 2020. my heart was filled with hopes kasi i thought this year would be a good one but it turns out its not. mabigat ang taong ito.

february 2020. i was able to join a second pageant pero di ako nanalo. medyo nalungkot pero alam ko naman na hindi pa ako ganoon kagaling rumampa. i was insecure that time because my rival was able to win the title i’ve been dreaming of. and that dream remained a dream kasi hindi ko na kailanman makukuha yon.

march 2020. lockdown started. wala masyado nangyaro. i had a fling pero di naman nagtagal mahal pa kasi ang ex lol.

april 2020. still nothing happened. puro higa and kdrama lang. 

may 2020. was  a good month. i had two awards that i did not expect. and i am beyond grateful

june 2020. nothing much happened.

july 2020. talked to someone through internet but di ko type lol and it only lasted a month. di ko rin ghinost. nagpaalam ako ng maayos.

august 2020. start ng online class and i was happy not knowing what the next month will bring.

september 2020. heaviest and toughest month for me. my sister was positive in rapid test so basically we are exposed to her. just a few days after knowing that, the love of my life just left without saying anything to me. i thought i had moved on from him but i guess we’ll never know ‘til it actual happened. i cried for a whole month and isolated myself from socmeds. it was hard and up until now, i am still healing. and i hope i am getting better.

october 2020. birthmonth. i was sooo happy this month ‘coz i felt lots of love from my family and friends. i could not ask for more.

november 2020. wasnt a good month tho. our house was flooded and most of our furniture broke especially the bed i grew up. since i was born, yun na yung bed ko and medyo nalungkot ako because i really value things especially yung first and matagal ng nasa akin. medyo petty for other people but its okay.

december 2020. was a good month however, ngayon ko lang napansin na nagkakaanxiety ako kapag may nagaaway. siguro because of past experiences kaya ganon. natatakot ako na baka magkasakitan ulit. but i can say its stil a good month. because i met someone na ideal guy ko. someone who isnt rushing and likes to take things slow. i met him sa church, sakristan siya doon. he looked for my fb through the log book. and hanggang kanina nagmessage siya. i dont want to lose this person kaso if this person is not for me then hindi ko na ipipilit. ayokong ipilit ang isang bagay na hindi naman para saakin. kasi alam kong masasaktan ako. and yes, pagod na kong masaktan. and if ever man na in a relationship ako, i want it to be the last. 

At sa wakas nga'y tuluyan nang isinara

Ang hindi naman na dapat binuksan pa.

Sa wakas ay iniwan na ang alaala

Na saya at lumbay, pinaikot ako't dinala.

Sa dulo'y kaya ko naman talaga.

Ang maging masaya ng mag-isa

Ng wala ka.

At sa pinakahuling sandali,

Kahit pa noo'y nagkamali,

Alam kong tama ang aking pinili,

Ang maging tapat sa 'king sarili.

At sa hinaba-haba ng pagwawakas,

Alam kong wala nang maiiwang bakas.

At kumpleto ang aking lakas

Na haharapin ang aking bukas.

Ng wala ka.

Ng mag-isa.

Ngunit kaya na.

At handa nang maging masaya.

their life they are ecstatic about the ending and ready to start that next chapter. In my case, I feel that way about nearly every chapter that I've lived through.

So, if you're reading this,

expect me to express confusion, frustration, anger, self-pity and sadness. I'd love to tell you there will be all good. In fact, im praying for amazing things to start coming my way

Sometimes I just need to

remind myself that I am a survivor. I've made it through so many of those chapters and never gave up, though I wanted to.

Lilith had never stayed at one place for long, but she always managed to get attached. When she left she would make promises with her friends that neither would keep. Then the circle goes again.

Deep down, Lilith hoped that it wouldn't be the case this time, yet her experience told her otherwise.

High School had taught her many things. Friendship, love, hope, arts, devotion, nerding, caring and many more things. So it wouldn't be that bad for her to hold a little bit of hope. A silly little hope that this time around things will be different, that her friends she will keep.

Lilith is a young girl, just about to finish High School during a pandemic. This was the story about her everyday life at High School with her thoughts and concerns, but also the story about her happy memories with her chosen family.

This is the story of Lilith's life

But it's far from over

And just as this chapter comes to an end, a new one begins