When the good and the bad...

Now that all the new characters, the setting, and Lilith's feelings were introduced, it was time to start off this new tale.

She could now pin point the time she felt like this class was something, like this could be a new home if she only allowed it.

Anna, her new classmate, was talking about work, and how it was best to work with something you burn for rather than something you have to do. Somehow the conversation shifted to one of Ine's old jobs, and the whole class sat there, discussed, laughed. It actually felt like a relief.

The feeling of betraying her old chosen family sat deep, despite Vera's words and explanations that it wasn't betrayal, but a new chapter.

Fillip was a little bit older than them. He was handsome, with dark hair and darker skin that hers. He had a way, Lilith couldn't quite explain it, he was confortable, happy and open. She didn't often meet boys that were like that anymore.

Henrik was different. He was older than her too, and terribly tall. He usually wore caps and shirts that showed his muscles. He was basically the classic boy girls fall in love in High School movies.

Now, Lilith was back at the village her High School was. She was gonna see her old teacher Steven on the stage, Marianne would be there too! Lilith was excited.

Not really, but at that moment she thought she did.

Lilith wasn't the one to get to know new people, especially at a party. But now her social life had expanded with the start of collage.

"go to the party, what do you have to loose?" he said. He made perfectly good points, yet Lilith was still filled with that annoying, crimping anxiety. She wasn't prepared for this party. Only the party at Nathan's house that she had been invited to two days ago.

"you get the chance to meet new people, classmates that you're gonna be in the same class with for a few years" he went on. She didn't stop him. He was right, she should take the time to get to know them, she should just let go of the past and go to either both parties, or one of them.

I hate this. She thought to herself.

She closed her eyes. Thought of why she was doing this, trying to remind herself that there's a reason this is happening.

And there was! There was a goal she wanted to reach. There was something she wanted to achieve.

That was the case with Lilith and Vera, for example. Sometimes that rule included Hans too.

There were days that Hans and Lilith were dreamers. They bonded and imagined together.

Others, Lilith and Hans couldn't have been more of two entirely different individuals.

She liked that.

"You will join" he joked, but Lilith knew he wasn't just joking, he meant it too.

With loads of convincing, she agreed, without realizing that Hans wasn't going.

It was the first party without Hans present, but just her and her new class, and Lilith enjoyed herself before she had to leave for home.

Today was for some reason different. She didn't need Hans to make bad jokes to cheer her up. She barely needed coffee to start the morning, after the dream she had she thought she could do anything.

She dreamed of Peter and Susan, well infact she dreamed of all her former High School class. They were at a party, and they had fun. Towards the end of the dream, Peter had to go to his parents house with his gang in order to have a celebration there. Lilith wasn't invited, but she managed to sneak herself in towards the evening in order to say a final goodbye. She didn't know where she would go, but she knew she wouldn't see them in a while. She jumped on the bus she usually took in order to travel home, only this time she wasn't going home.

She had woken up then. A bittersweet emotion laying on her chest. She felt ready for anything, for a fight, for life, for challenge. She knew what she had to do.

After she texted Vera about the dream of course.

And now, in Lilith's head, it was time to move on and work for that goal she wanted reached. There wouldn't be more grey days in her near future. Not if she could help it.

"Isn't that Hans?" Lilith pointed at the boy and Chloe followed her movement, but by that time he had vanished inside the train.

"We can walk between the carriages and see for ourselves" she said. And they did, and before Lilith told Chloe to give up and sit somewhere else, there he was! Sitting by a window, his earpuds already tugged in his ears.

"Hans!" Chloe exclaimed. And so the ride went on.

"Yes" Lilith answered. And just like that Chloe had given Lilith a reason to leave her new classmates and Hans. In a matter of minutes, Lilith had found Chloe and her sister at a bar in the capital. Chloe was already on her third drink by then.

"Someone's been drinking." Lilith teased. And just like that she realized just how easy it was to tease and joke with Chloe, and how much she missed doing that.

They caught up. Chloe told her about the break up with Sander, the decicion to travel the world after her studies and how she was gonna come down during Christmas break.

Lilith in her turn told her about her newest experience with her new class, being closer to Hans than she's ever been and wanting to hug people but being unable because Lilith was socially awkward.

They laughed, they joked, the played games until midnight.

They were at the train station waiting for their train. Chloe was gonna leave in a few days for the west of the country, so Lilith decided to join her on her train instead of taking the one that's gonna get her closer to home. As they talked and giggled, Lilith noticed something in the distance, or rather someone.

It had been easy at High School. Why wasn't it easy here?

Maybe I'm too worried? She thought. It was true though. Lilith had gotten attached, found people she trusted. It was difficult to trust again, and it felt illegal to be loyal to anyone else but them.

"We're gonna be stuck with each other for three years" Fillip, one of her new classmates had said as he took a sip of his beer. "It's best we start getting used to each other already."

Of course, Lilith and Hans had agreed with him. He had a point after all. It didn't change her feelings.

She'd traveled back to the capital the next day. Again she met Hans at the train station, and they walked together to find their new classmates.

They were gonna meet at a park somewhere in the city, but it was difficult to navigate, and Lilith soon figured she relied a little bit too much on Hans to find out where they were.

They found it in time though, and there they met Mal. He was older than them, but he and Hans got along well. They talked for a while before Mal said something that resambled Eric's way of thinking. Nostalgia filling her head once again.

It had been a very long day, but thankfully Chloe had called her.

"Yo! Are you still in the capital?"

Lilith still didn't know how to feel about it, but she was still amazed by the city. Being a village girl herself, it didn't take much to impress.

The city was big, like all capitals. People everywhere, and since it was school start, even more students floaded the already busy streets.

There were trams, and buses everywhere and you could get anywhere in no time. That at least would be practical if she had to move.

She was standing on the train platform to meet her blond, tall friend. Hans.

"Hey!" Lilith said upon the sight of him. He just nodded as he usually did. At least not everything would change, she got one friend left, while all the others had spread north and east.

"Ready for a new year?" He asked her when he finally reached her.

Vera had already moved for a week now. She was at her new home, happy and well. Lilith was happy for that.

But it was on a call with her she figured that Vera wasn't the only one leaving.

"Yeah, and Chloe is gonna move as well to the east." That had taken Lilith by surprise. Chloe hadn't told her that, in fact she was under the impression that she was gonna stay here in the neighborhood, that they were gonna stay together. At least these two would stay together. "She didn't tell you, did she?"

"No" Lilith responded, but she wasn't surprised. Chloe and Lilith's friendship was based on face to face communication, which meant that these two would most definitely loose contact. "What's she gonna study?"

"Arts and crafts with other fun subjects, and there is a plus!"

"Sander is also gonna be there"

"Yes, Sander is also there!"

"I'm so happy for her!" Lilith said, and she was, she wasn't lying, Chloe was gonna love the east part of the county. It was beautiful with narrow streets and beautifully painted houses. Mixed cultures everywhere, just the place for an artist.

Inside though, the feeling that she wasn't gonna see her for at least a year was like a stab in the heart. She knew that contact wouldn't be maintained, she knew that she would loose her.

And then there was the devil inside of Lilith that told her it was egostical to think like that. Her friend was moving! Doing something she loved, with a boy she loved! If you truly were happy for her all that wouldn't bother you!

It felt more like they were gonna see each other tomorrow, or next week at school, but they both knew it wasn't like that. They would see each other in four months. Neither of them could wait.

But most importantly, they knew this wasn't their last goodbye.

3 years ago, a summer afternoon. Lilith was sitting at the end of her bed texting Hans when he suddenly became distant.

She knew immediately what would follow.

It ended up in tears and heartbreak.

She was sitting at the very same spot on her bed now. A summer afternoon. The result of which schools people would end up came up today, and she hadn't heard from Vera all day.

She felt it in her gut.

Cry a river, an ocean, then flood the land or something.

Worst of all, she couldn't pin point what was wrong, but she fell the saddest she'd ever felt.

She knew that she wanted a hug, someone to tell her that everything would be okay, someone who would stay there.

Where such luck?

Instead she kept it inside. Didn't show how bad it actually was. Just smiled for the people outside, got mad at those who made her feel like trash. She never lashed out though, she wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

She could go on and on about everything she didn't get; work, enough time with friends, mental stability, and whatnot, but she tried to stay positive and focus on the things she had. It didn't feel like much though.

Now Vera might also move up north, there's a new change around the corner, and Lilith had made the bad decision of joining a band she knew she wouldn't stay in for more than just a few months.

She couldn't feel like herself, she wasn't happy, she couldn't do what she wanted to do (half of the time she didn't even know what that was). She felt stuck, limited.