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hello #endometriosisawarenessmonth 👋🏻
SPOONIE THINGS NO ONE TALKS ABOUT PART 18
Painsomnia.
Painsomnia is an actual nightmare.
Imagine being tortured throughout the night, your captor not letting you sleep for even a minute, and any time you start to look like you might be comfortable, your captor inflicts even more torment.
That's basically painsomnia.
Your body is in so much pain you just can't sleep at all. You can't get comfortable, you can't feel rested, and you can't feel relaxed. You just suffer until morning and then you can change it up and suffer differently.
This can go on for nights on end too. Until your body just collapses from the strain of being awake for days and even then you only end up sleeping just enough to get by.
Sorry to keep ranting but like. Days like these really hit so hard
I feel like I need to grieve. For a life I know that I can’t have anymore. Because I woke up with the flu one morning and my entire life was changed, probably forever. I want to grieve. I need to grieve for it, because it’s a life I no longer have. But there’s so many things that keep giving me false hope, that keep telling me “you’ll get better, you Have to get better” and I don’t.
I just don’t know anymore
If anyone who has chronic illness that’s been in a similar sounding position.. I would. Really appreciate just some general words of… comfort I guess? I don’t expect anything of strangers, as it’s obviously not your job, but it anyone’s willing. I’d really appreciate it.
chronic pain

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I'm a registered nurse and a chronic pain patient.
Let me tell you that the US healthcare system is NOT built for us.
I do my best to make chronic pain/illness/ALL of my patients to feel heard and validated. But sometimes there isn't a damn thing I can do (bedsides lend a good listening and compassionate ear) and it breaks my heart.
Tonight I had a chronic illness patient who was just done. She was the sweetest thing ever. I wanted to hug her and cry with her but I couldn't because I'm a professional.
The way the doctor treated her hurt me down to my core. I reported him to the medical board tonight. I'm just fucking done.
I will go down advocating for you and I hope anyone who is ever my patient knows that.
Fellow spoonies, how do you explain to your friends and those that love you that no, you cannot get into a car and ride around for an hour because it HURTS? And yes, you know it’s “just sitting”.