#chap 4

"Alright… Guk…"

The smile he gives is one that can be compared to the expansive universe and all its possibilities or an Aurora Borealis on a cold winter's eve -- breathtaking.

He pockets his hands casually into his ripped black jeans and his head nods towards the entrance of the large zoo. "Ready?"

"Oh yeah," you breathe, fighting the urge to smile.

As he walks beside you with an air of confidence that could smite down the lowly, you take him in. You hope you aren't rude to be thinking this but he doesn't look like the type to be into theoretical physics.

And if he is then why did he not graduate from Stanford? And why is he an escort?

It seems that he's an enigmatic puzzle quite like you.

Although some would argue that you aren't a puzzle, just dreadfully dreary.

"I can't believe you wore heels to walk around a zoo," Jeongguk laughs, pulling you from your thoughts.

Notching your eyebrow, you tilt your head to him. "I paid for a VIP tour. We don't walk."

"I see," he muses, sniffling once and lifting his arm to wrap it around your shoulders.

When you freeze, he slowly pulls away. "Just trying to get you comfortable with me. I don't have to though."

You imagine the wedding then, if you aren't comfortable with him by then people might assume you paid him and you will NOT allow people to judge you.

So you grip his wrist and fling his arm back over your shoulders without a second thought.

"Atta girl," Guk laughs.

He smells of sandalwood and citrus -- clementine, maybe? It's honestly divine and it matches him all too well.

"It's a nice day to see some animals," the escort comments, stepping past the gate with you by his side.

"Yes," you agree.

In a way, you feel kind of terrible that you have zero personality anymore. You give nothing to conversations nor can you manage to keep one up. It must be incredibly taxing to others.

Your date seems pleased with your answer though because he gives you a wide smile that makes the tips of your toes tingle.

"Do you have any pets?" you inquire.

"A dog. A Great Dane, his name is Hawking," the escort answers, pulling out his phone and showing you his wallpaper.

"Like the physicist Stephen Hawking?"

"The very same. Bingo," he muses, giving you a wink.

"What's your I-"

"Miss L/N!"

When you're cut off from speaking, the scowl that etches onto your face makes Jeongguk's eyebrows lift with amusement.

"You're feisty," he jests, turning to the person who's calling you.

You nudge him softly, the ice around you breaking for merely a moment to let in a good natured joke.

The zoo personnel that sees your disappointed expression seems to reel their excitement back in and they give you a polite smile. "It's such a pleasure to have you here. We can start your tour as soon as you're ready."

"Let me just run to the restroom, I'll be right back," you promise.

Guk nods, dropping his arm off your shoulders and watching the way you stride effortlessly towards the tribal decorated restrooms.

You've got a great ass.

"You're a lucky dude, huh?" the zookeeper breathes, stepping up beside the escort.

Jeongguk smirks, folding his arms accordingly. "Yeah, she's something else."

"She's so generous too," the keeper beams, lowering the volume of his walkie talkie.

It intrigues Guk immediately and his head cranes towards the shorter man beside him. "How so?"

"Y/N donates almost a million dollars every year to the sanctuary! She's the reason why our zoo looks so wonderful! She's the reason we can do conservation as well as we can."

Your date simply shakes his head, a wry smile etching onto his features.

There's so much of you shrouded away from the world. He wants to just get a chisel and hammer and just knock away all the stone encasing you until there's just you in your purest form left.

"Is that right?" he breathes, drifting his hands through his long hair.

You surely are a Rubik's Cube that he wants to solve.

"And to your left here we have the pygmy hippos. They're native to West Africa and are still unfortunately on the endangered species list but with all of your donations we've found a way to breed more of them," Lyle, the zookeeper informs you and your date stopping the golf cart.

"Oh, that's okay Lyle. You don't have to keep bringing up my m-"

"They're super cute!" Guk chirps, climbing out of the cart and holding his hand out to you.

The zoo tour has been going smoothly so far, you really are enjoying yourself. There's something wonderful about seeing Guk light up with each and every cute animal that makes the day even better. You've begun to wonder why you've closed yourself up so tightly over the years.

Is this what you've been missing out on?

You've been missing out on making memories with people that deserve it?

You've hidden away from the world for so long that maybe you've been missing out on good people too.

You take the escort's hand, stepping up alongside him.

He leans against the wooden railing along the habitat, letting his black hair fall into his eyes. "You can let someone gush about your donations, y'know. You're really helping them out here."

He speaks softly to you, almost as if he's trying to feather away any embarrassment that might land in your direction from his words.

"I just- My money isn't the most important thing there is."

"That's true," Jeongguk agrees, "You're more important than your money but you do help them out here. It's only right that they gush."

He smiles over at you, pushing some hair back behind your ear and you practically fall backwards at the feeling. Your heel slips awkwardly and he catches you with ease, wrapping his arm around your waist safely.

"Relax, Y/N. I know it's hard, I do. But try and relax," he murmurs, setting you upright.

Taking a deep breath, you turn towards the hippo, training your sights on the animal.

Your body is an amalgamation of sickly horror and longing all at once and you aren't sure which you should let win.

The one time Namjoon tried to push your hair back behind your ear, you smacked his wrist so hard that it left a welt for three days.

It's only been a few hours since the tour began but Guk had slowly gotten you to be more comfortable with him. From the way he jokes around with you, even though it's small and it doesn't need to be returned or the way he smiles at you like you're something brand new to his life -- it has set you at ease.

Which is why the next set of words he chooses to say makes you feel as if you're walking over glass with bare feet.

"Just let me show you what you're paying for."

When you wrinkle your nose in distaste, Guk knows that he worded it wrong. "W-Wait, I didn't mean-"

"You did. I get it. It's a job," you reply briskly.

"Y/N, no. Wait, I'm sor-"

"It was my mistake. I forgot that I was paying you. I'm at fault," you hiss, turning on your heel and walking away.

When you start to march up the hill towards the African Plains section of the zoo, Jeongguk groans loudly.

How could he drop the fucking ball like this?

He didn't mean to say it in such a way…

Guk has noticed just how happy you've been the past few hours. He's noticed how comfortable you've gotten even to the point where you've smiled more times than he can count on two hands so far.

And in an instant with nine fucking words, he's crushed your spirit and your openness.

The guilt that echoes inside of him makes his bones ache long and dull within him. His heart picks up speed and he's so flustered that he can't even register how unprofessional or how emotional he's getting.

"Lyle, get out of the cart!" Jeongguk orders, tying his hair up into a ponytail.

"I-I can't! It's against the rules! You can't drive the car-"

"Get out of the fucking cart!" Guk seethes through his teeth, grabbing onto the zoo keeper's bright green shirt and tugging him out of the driver's seat.

Has he even driven one of these things before?

No.

Does he give a flying shit?

Hell no.

Pressing his foot on the gas, the cart charges up the hill and he can see you steamrolling your way through guests with your Birkin limply hanging from your hands. Your shoulders are hunched over in a way that makes the thousands of dollars worth of clothes on your body seem like they came from the Dollar General and the escort feels sick to stomach that he did this to you.

He doesn't slow the cart down, he just honks the horn for people to move out of his way.

And when he finally reaches you, he takes a deep breath.

"Y/N, please get back in the cart," he begs, throwing his arm over the steering wheel and angling his body to look up at you.

"No," you mumble childishly, folding your arms.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Really, I didn't!" he gasps, shaking his head.

"You didn't upset me," you boldface lie, looking over at the lions as you pass by.

Now he knows that's completely untrue.

"You're gonna kill youself in those heels. They're a deathtrap. Please just get in the cart."

"You don't get to tell me what to do! I pay you! I'm your boss!" you snap, bearing your bleached teeth at him angrily.

He'll let that go. He'll let it roll off his back because he upset you in the first place.

"I just meant-"

When you start to walk faster, he curses softly under his breath. "C'mon Y/N, this cart can only go like three miles an hour."

"Good! Get lost!" you rasp, upturning your nose to him.

"Christ! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant that you should get everything you want, you should get treated nicely!"

"Because I'm paying for it!" you guffaw, ripping your gloves off and throwing them at him.

He pulls one of the long black gloves off his shoulder with soft, apologetic eyes and he shouts after you so loudly that it makes all the patrons at the zoo turn towards you. "No! Because you're fucking beautiful and you deserve it! You deserve to be treated nicely!"

When you stop mid-step, he slams his foot on the brake

He doesn't care about the onlookers, he doesn't care about Lyle rushing up the hill with a sweaty, winded face.

He cares about you.

He rounds the cart, putting both hands on your arms. "You didn't pay me to come with you to the zoo. I came because I wanted to. And I've been having a fucking amazing time. I like getting to know you... the real you. I don't need to be paid for that. I did what came naturally to me. Me putting my arm around you, brushing your hair back -- that was second nature. I'm sorry that I misworded it and made you lose trust in my intentions. I'm happy to be here -- with you. I promise."

Jeongguk can see how red the rims of your eyes are and he's unsure if it's because of sorrow or anger but it makes him feel guiltier nonetheless.

"Really?" you mumble, looking down at your heels.

"Yes," he hisses, putting his index finger below your chin and lifting your face to look at him.

You can see how flustered he is, how heavy his breathing is and just how anxious his body language is.

He means it.

You've been studying people long enough to know when they're being sincere.

And this is an example.

You're not a normal enough person to admit that you were hurt by this, nor will you be accepting his apology because then he'll know that you really were hurt so you just give a brief nod.

"Alright," you whisper, clearing your throat.

"Okay?" he inquires, drifting his thumb over your cheekbone.

"Yes. Okay." you reply briskly.

That's good enough for him. As long as you're alright and you forgive him.

"Wanna get some food?" he asks, handing you back your gloves.

"Su-"

"I could have gotten in trouble!" Lyle heaves, leaning against the cart to catch his breath.

The both of you turn your heads to him and you both shrug in response, climbing back into the vehicle.

"I'm hungry, Lyle," you droll.

Jeongguk drapes his arm over your shoulders and he's so pleased that you allow him to. It feels good… almost right and it blows his fucking mind that this is something he can feel after Chloe decimated everything in his heart and within a fifty mile radius.

"Yes ma'am," the zookeeper whispers, getting back into the cart.

While the vehicle winds through staff-only roads towards the East Asia Eatery, you sit in silence. You're replaying your childish tantrum in your head over and over again to the point that it makes your brain want to melt.

Who the fuck is Jeongguk to rile you up? Since when do you have emotions to get hurt by what someone says in the first place?

You'll deny it until you're blue in the face but… you were having fun before, you were letting your guard down without even knowing it.

It was almost as if you didn't even have to try with the escort, he just understood you on such a level that he could break down your jaded walls without even trying.

On some level it's intriguing and on another it's absolutely frightening.

You can't let that happen again.

You won't.

Jeongguk looks at you over his rice bowl and he becomes completely deflated at the expression that sits prettily on your face.

You've closed yourself off again.

Since you've sat down at your table, you've been invested in something on your phone.

You've barely touched your food and the escort is a second thought right at this moment.

"How's everything? Can I get you anything else?" the waiter inquires.

You look up from your phone for a second and you just stare at Guk waiting for his answer.

"We're good, thanks," he breathes, setting down his chopsticks.

"Can you bring us a bottle of the red Screaming Eagle 1992?"

It's a question but it doesn't come out as such and you're throwing your dominant personality all over the place to make up for how flustered you were just a mere half an hour ago.

Jeongguk doesn't know if he should call you out for it or not. He doesn't even know what the fuck he should be doing to make you more comfortable.

He's completely lost.

You remind him of Jimin and Taehyung. He feels comfortable enough with you to speak with you like a friend and on some deeper level he wants to.

"I know you're upset with me," he sighs, pushing his plate away when the waiter leaves.

"No, I'm not," you reply, staring at your phone.

"Y/N." Jeongguk calls you.

Quirking an eyebrow, you slowly set down your phone. You give him your attention and he takes a deep breath.

"Listen, okay? I know that being comfortable with me is probably really weird to you. I understand. And I know that I fucked up earlier with how I worded what I did but you don't have to close yourself off from me."

Like always, your first defense mechanism within you is to become combative, so you do. "I never opened myself up in the first place."

"Mkay," Jeongguk huffs, running his hands over his face, "it took me a long time to be comfortable with people again after I was hurt too."

He didn't expect to do this. He didn't expect to start pouring his heart out over cheap fried rice but he doesn't want you to close up completely to him. He likes how you were just a mere hour or two ago.

When you raise an eyebrow, he continues on.

Guk doesn't even register how it took him weeks to even tell his best friends this but with you… it's almost too easy to spill his guts.

"At some point not too long ago, I got into a relationship with a client of mine. Her name was Chloe. She was… uh… rich, I guess. Really rich, like old money rich. Her great great grandfather invented the tin can or some shit… But I fell deeply into anything that had to do with her. It's like she consumed me to the point of no return."

You slowly set your phone down, watching his neck muscles strain with each word he speaks like his body is trying to stop him.

"We got toxic to the point where I would rather sleep on park benches then fucking going home. She was the devil but she looked good doing heinous shit… So when we broke up, I completely lost my sense of self. She was… everything to me. She was what made me a person for a long time and then suddenly it was gone and I was like this fucking shell of a living ghost or something."

You shoo the waiter away when he approaches and you give the handsome man in front of you all your attention.

You can see him reliving the horrendous relationship and something inside of you wants to stop it. Something inside of you wants him to stop hurting like you were hurt long ago.

So without a second thought, you wrap your hand around his.

Jeongguk gives you a smile, a genuine one and he squeezes your hand reassuringly for a moment. "I can tell you truthfully that I do understand who you are. I do understand how hurt you are, how jaded you are with other people. I completely realize how I fucked up earlier and I am sorry for it. I want you to be open with me, I want you to be comfortable and find some healing with me. Because it's not fair that you have to live in some sort of shitty turmoil while the people that made you miserable get to be happy."

When he speaks, your soul wants to thrive at his words and you swallow thickly at the sheer passion of his voice.

"I did open up," you admit.

"Yeah, I know," he whispers with a smile, "I want more of it."

"It's hard to do that," you reply, clearing your throat.

"And I know that too. But I promise you, I'm not gonna fuck up again. I want you to be yourself with me… not the self you show everyone else. The real you. And even if it takes you a while, I'd like to see it."

Oh, he talks a big game but you're almost a hundred percent sure he can back it up.

Just knowing that he's been hurt like you have gives you this blanket of protection that no one else could ever give.

"I can try," you offer, accepting the bottle of wine from the waiter when he comes around again.

"Atta girl," Guk breathes, squeezing your hand once more.

You're both two puzzles that seem difficult to solve to one another but slowly the pieces are getting revealed and it's only a matter of time before one of you completes the other.

To : <shitheads>

From : [email protected] 

Re : your fucking creepy interest in my personal life

Jesus, I know you're all bored, but ask the nurse doing the sponge bath for a Happy Ending if you're this hard up! And no, I was not implying I felt her up, this was at work not some sleazy club dance floor like you shitheads meet your hookups. Just didn't feel the need to disassociate while fitting and adjusting harness straps.

Anyway, she came back this week, turns out she's a local with resort privileges, not a guest. And she loves this place, so I'll probably see her again. Which, totally not complaining. 

I would give you more details, but you assholes don't deserve them, and I'm still pissed you thought I would sexually harass a customer, so fuck off and work on getting medical clearance.

***

To : <gamma>

From : [email protected] 

Re : NOT a bunny

I still don't have a beach/snow bunny, but if I ever see her outside the attraction, I'd probably suggest a drink. 

To try to cover all the questions, I don't actually know a name to tell you, everyone is "in character" for this adventure you're supposedly on. We'll call her Robin to keep it simple. Dark hair and eyes, athletic build, southern european heritage, probably? 

Saw Robin again on my second visit, might have been a little flirty this time but not inappropriate. I just don't wanna be that guy that harasses someone when they have to be friendly for work. Especially when people can get intimidated by me…

Anyway, someone started a new pool on whether some outside problem will make everyone break cover before this op gets resolved and if so, what. I'm torn between putting money on a geographically appropriate natural disaster and an alien attack. What do you think?

Update: you are now officially 2 months pregnant everything's been fine, the guys were just being more clingy and overprotective. You were in the shower letting you hair soak in all the water before grabbing your shampoo bottle. You were now thinking about how you were gonna tell your friends and family about you being pregnant.

It’s not like you’ve been ignoring them you just wanted to wait until you started showing before telling everyone. Maybe you should do a dinner night, but you don’t want them causing a scene. And you most definitely don’t want this to be known to the public yet. Maybe a private diner or maybe a dinner at your parents house, you didn’t know you just knew everyone needed to be there and in a good mood. And one thing that leads to a good mood is: food. 

Yea, diner it is. You continued to lather the shampoo into your hair before taking your conditioner and beginning to detangle. Okay onto the next thought, practice. You and the girls don’t really have a game anytime soon especially since the championships ended 5 months back. But your dad will still have y’all practice--who knows maybe he’ll go easy on since your pregnant, or maybe let you off the hook because you are pregnant.

After washing the conditioner out you grabbed a microfiber towel and your dry towel wrapping your body and hair. (You already washed up) Stepping out you grabbed your phone hoping to see if there’s any chance for you to schedule a dinner reservation. You searched for a while but couldn’t find anything, sighing you placed you phone on your bathroom counter before getting your body lotion and oil to moisturize yourself from chest to toe. As you were rubbing some coconut oil on your stomach you felt something, like something inside you snapped. “I-I’m pregnant....oh fuck” you placed your hand over your mouth trying to stop the sobs fighting to escape you.

If you from 10 years ago were to predict how you today were to end up pregnant it will most definitely not be something like this. Not at all. It would be like how every other little girl would imagine happily married, you. You didn’t really see yourself with a man at all you kinda just saw you by yourself with an adopted kid. Yup just you, your adopted kid, and the world. You may even live on the country side of a town where it’s just filled with nice old people. Nice cafes, flower shops, a lot of land, quiet, peaceful, that’s what you kinda planned out.

But then again you can’t say your upset. But for you to just let it happen you kinda felt weak. How you can let the guys have such power over you like this. It made you feel sick to your god damn stomach, sick. Speaking of sick you felt something travel from the pit of you stimulation up your throat. You quickly blended down to in front of your toilet. “Huuuaaahh!” Yuck, pregnancy sickness if you were being honest that was probably the first time you threw up your whole pregnancy. And it just kept coming and coming. I think you might to get comfortable cuz it seems we have a long night ahead of us.

~

It was what, 4 in the morning? You’ve been throwing up all night long. Just sitting there in the cold hard bathroom tiles. You were actually glad you deep cleaned your entire house, while forcing the guys to help you. I mean it was a Sunday- but still. As you watched out your bathroom window the sky slowly turn a from a deep blue to a light one, listening to the birds chirping. All while you laid your cheek on the toilet seat just enjoying the peacefulness. Luckily you had put on some loose grey sweats pants and a sports bra.

Cuz it seemed the baby was not having it, wouldn’t let you move from the toilet seat even if you tried. And boy was you exhausted too. Once you stop pour your whole stomach into the toilet your gonna give the guys an earful for not checking up on you.

“Angel what wrong?” Speak of the devil. You turned your gaze to a still helplessly tired Nash. He had bed hair and was only wearing grey sweatpants shirtless, his underwear band showing also. His tattoos were all on display. I mean if you weren’t already pregnant and feeling like this you would’ve pounced in him without a second thought. “The baby” was all you said in a broken voice since you couldn’t move from the bathroom you couldn’t even get yourself a water bottle. He nodded quickly rushing to get you a water bottle and a blanket. Coming back he handed it to you watching as you eagerly drunk from the bottle, chuckling as he wrapped the warm blanket around you.

He placed a hand on your head laying it into his chest. “Why didn’t you call one of us, don’t want you here all by yourself” you shrugged. “I didn’t have the patience for a lecture, nor the chaos, and my voice was to sore from all the gagging and vomiting.” He nodded understanding where you were coming from the generation of miracles sure are something. Rubbing soothing circles on your back you sort of started feeling better but it felt ad if you had one more round before you were officially finished.

Nash stood up a bit before he started brushing his teeth keeping his eyes on you the entire time. You hunched over the toilet seat, your stomach tightening as you emptied the last of your stomach. Exhausted moans leaving your lips as your morning sickness--well more like overnight/midnight sickness finally passes over. Who knew sharing your body would be this tiring, yeesh!

You shakily stood up to your feet and flushed the toilet. Stumbling over to Nash’s back where you mushed your face. You wrapped your arms around him once you realized how warm he felt. Without you knowing Nash took out his phone from out his pocket. “Y/N” hearing him call you name you hummed as you head appeared on the side of his stomach. He quickly took a mirror picture, you immediately groaned once the flash got in your eye. Now getting irritated instead of grateful of his presence you grabbed your tooth brush and toothpaste and hurriedly brushed your teeth. Not even bothering at this point to use mouth wash or your tongue scraper because Nash snickering bouncing off the walls as you left him in the bathroom. Making a beeline to your bed.

As soon you even touched the bed you felt paradise and all your worries slipped away. You quickly hid underneath your comforter and immediately dozed off. To bad it was only for about an hour before you felt the bed dip heavily as someone sat next to you. And it also seemed they were munching also. Sighing through your nose you sat up in your bed looking to your left to see an purple headed Murisakibara munching away on your donuts. ‘Oh hell no’ “Bitch I know damn well those ain’t my donuts” he froze, you didn’t give him the time or day to register what you did next next as you pimp slapped him off the bed. Quickly going back underneath the covers with your donuts. Hm pregnancy really did change you, hell it even gave you some type of strength. Which is then again hella scary.

~

You were currently at a restaurant with the rest of the guys waiting for your friends and family to arrive. Hell you even took a pregnancy test just to prove it knowing how delusional they are. And being black ofc you’ll have extra time to calm your nerves cuz their more than likely gonna come an hour late. Aomine seemed a bit nervous from the way he kept eating on the breadsticks and from his foot tapping. The rest seemed to be other things to take their mind off what’s about to take place. But before you tried to comfort them even though it should be the other way around--your friends arrived first.

Chanel came towards you ready to give you a hug but you put your hands up not wanting to show or let her feel your already growing bump. “Uhhh Kise’s sick and I’ve been around him all day so I don’t want to risk you getting by sick by any chance”. She slowly nodded her head glancing at Kise’s before proceeding to take her seat. About 20 minutes later your brother came in, and as always he strolled in as if he owned the place. Which he did....

“Sup Sis I would hug you but I don’t want to catch any of your um” he looked you up and down carefully taking in your appearance, the guys sweat dropped scared shitless that he’ll find out. “Idk but you look tired and probably have a fever and I don’t want any of it” the guys let out a breathe. “Mmmmm where’s mom and dad?” You questioned “uhhh their out of town Y’know mom had to go to America for a bit the Met Gala is coming up and she needs to design Blake Lively’s dress”. Nodding you all ordered some food and conversed for a while.

Tapping your fork on your plate as you stared at the half eaten food in-front of you, you cleared your throat. “Uhh there was a reason why u asked if we can meet up” your eyes never left your plate as the other quieted down, “I have something to tell you all-we have something to tell you all”. The others eyed you while throwing some looks at the guys. Taking in a huge breathe “I’m preg-“ “We’re pregnant” the whole table got even more quiet. You huffed ar Akashi for not letting you finish. It was like that for 5 minutes straight, and thank the lord you all were at the private V.I.P section.

“Pregnant? Chile couldn’t be me” snorted Chanel as she continued to stuff her face with macaroni. Looking up she saw the look on your face “oh shit your serious...” you scooted back in you chair and stood up, multiple gasp were heard. Well just from your brother who was acting childish. He pointed at your stomach accusingly “OH MY GOD WHO DID DAT!?!” it slowly sinked into his small tiny brain the longer he stared at you stomach. “I’m gonna be an uncle. wtf?” He ran a frustrated hand through his curls which eventually got stuck. You left a small laugh run through your lips before closing them before anyone can hear em.

You opened your bag before showing your brother your ultrasounds pictures from last week’s doctor’s appointment. Him as well as the rest of your friends stared at the photo in hand, shifting a bit here and there at their silence. They looked at the photo, your stomach, you, the guys, and back. Silence breaking as Amala yelled the following words running around the table in pure joy. 

“AYEE A BITCH FINNA BE AN AUNTIEEE”

Authors Note: I had to do something with my computer to like to reset the whole thing and it was honestly stressing me out, but we are good. Hoped y’all enjoy was supposed to be longer but I have a feeling this series is gonna be more then 10 parts. 😗