#camhs

not even kidding i’m so fucking mad rn i just had a call

DESCRIBED my mood swings, DARED to mention the word “depressed” and suddenly was hit with “LOW MOOD.”

is this fucking tiktok??? are we now going to start using “Do you have any plans to unalive yourself?” in the safeguarding survey to protect the innocence of individuals struggling with mental health or are we just gonna call it what it fucking says on the tin and say depressed.

didn’t even get the CHANCE to say “GCSES weren’t that stressful for me” because they immediately said “It’s a very stressful, high pressure time” so therefore I couldn’t possibly have found it not stressful. makes sense.

then proceeded to say my LOW MOOD (God Forbid We Say Depressed!) after GCSE (it was literally as recent as last week) was “normal for after GCSEs”

i could say so much more shit about the hell incarnate that was that call but oh my god. like okay i’m probably focusing on the negatives but i’m just sick and tired of people saying “Reach out for help!” (which you should) but then this is the health system you get

at least this time i’m not just straight up being told “change your thinking pattern to be more positive” but fuck me

some of that call just fucking felt like they were trying to twist my words into a definition they know already. like yeah sorry my LOW MOOD is an issue… let’s completely ignore the fact i said i get two different periods of higher mood too. because that’s definitely not an issue too.

they also said about eating with my family??? I don’t eat with my family because I will genuinely cry if I have to hear another slurp or bite or squelch radiating from my dad’s mouth. it’s disgusting. it’s gross. finding issues when there’s none there i swear to god

and after a certain point i was just like “I might as well just be bullshitting every word I say because literally none of it is going through”, BECAUSE LIKE COME ON. I’VE SAID CLEARLY A PATTERN. I’VE RECORDED MY MOOD. I CAN SHOW MY MOOD. NO, IT DOES NOT CHANGE BECAUSE OF SITUATIONS.

that’s another thing I swear at one point they were trying to make it sound like my LOW MOOD was situational. like no i don’t immediately become enter a depressed mood because one thing ticked me off.

also it’s kinda baffling that everyone i’ve spoken to is surprised when you don’t immediately have a coping method for every individual thing. like “What do you do when you feel like __”… idk i sit down and take it

like yeah expecting that it’s gonna happen is a negative thinking pattern but that shit isn’t causing me to experience LOW MOOD, as we so pleasantly refer to it as

in that same logic it’s a positive thinking pattern to expect myself to be experiencing a higher mood state.

it’s equally a negative thinking pattern as it is just a blatant fact??? like dude???

also just because this recent depression was different to the others doesn’t mean for certain it’s changed because suddenly i’m not at school… THAT’S THE THING I CANNOT TELL. I CANNOT PREDICT ANOTHER DEPRESSION. THAT IS IN LIKE 6+ WEEKS. IT MIGHT BE A CHANGE. MIGHT BE A ONE OFF.

I swear that was just another attempt to make my issues seem like they were only severe because of school

every time i explain anything to a mental health professional it’s like i can never explain it right to them, because EVERY DAMN TIME something like this happens even though i think im being as specific and thorough as i can

on the topic of “LOW MOOD” i could write a whole essay on how mental health providers using low mood and forcing YOU to use it instead of describing how you feel as depressed is harmful as fuck. what’s next? gonna start calling suicide/self-harm self-naughties? because that’s how stupid it sounds. it makes it sound childish.

^^ i would also like to add many people who use depressed to describe a mood aren’t SAYING “I DEFINITELY HAVE DEPRESSION” but hey they ain’t throwing around that word for nothing. most of the time it isn’t the typical “Ohh i’m so depressed because I don’t have (whatever)” it’s from an actual place where it COULD be depression, or some other mental health struggle.

Like one kid saying “if I don’t make eye contact it’s because I find that hard and it’s easier to concentrate on what you’re saying if I’m not looking at you.”

And another one asking for clarification of an ambiguous statement to check understanding instead of just hoping for the best.

And one saying “I’m going to stim now, this conversation is hard”

i think i have enough symptoms (?) to warrant investigation. here are some because im not really sure and tumblr has seen me at my lowest low

i getr into an online relationship, obsess over them for a day or a few before feeling suffocated and ghosting them completely

ill do just about anything in the name of self destruction (SH, seeking out older men, skipping school)

my emotions change like english weather (as you can see by last night? i think it was where i went on a rant about how no one loves me but then felt reasonably fine a few hours later or an hour ago where the same thing happened)

i am extremely scared of being abandoned and i am aware to outsiders that it seems that im delusional when i say everyone hates me (they do even the ones who only say nice things to me)

when i have a bsf its impossible for me to see anything negative in them but when i see something ill cut them off and only see them as a traitor

‘so how do YOU think you can prevent this specific compulsion?’

okay so following my asd diagnosis through camhs in september, my mom requested an ehcna in january. as i was now 16, they refused to start the process until i’d signed my consent, and they also sent a fairly passive-aggressive email about how as i was 16 i could request one myself. anyway, i signed my consent and the process started. week 6 comes along and they refuse to assess because ‘while we agree molly has/may have sen, her needs can be met in a mainstream environment with normal provision’. this is obviously not the case so we went to mediation.