#slight vent

I saw that a new Walten Files episode came out, and I was obsessed with the Walten Files a couple years ago, but I can't watch it / am banned (via myself and my headmates, and probably my friends) from watching it.

(This is important context : There is some horror I can still do, which is what I'd call "Stress horror", games like Animal Hospital and (for lack of a better example) Pressure and FNAF, but I can't do "Disturbing horror" which is what I would classify Walten Files and various horror movies under, I'm effectively banned from that sub-genre of horror)

Now, obviously, why??? Well to make a long and complicated story short, around the beginning of this year I think, we were highly suspected of some form of psychotic disorder and paranoid personality disorder. Now- Extra important, we never actually got diagnosed, and I never actually went through with the diagnostic appointment for family-related reasons, so I'm not claiming to have either but we still experiencing symptoms that COULD (Or could not) be caused BY said disorders, and is why this mention is important. (It's a whole thing, I can't even begin to really explain it).

BUT BASICALLY to sum up why that's important, we get really bad hallucinations (both auditory and visual), we already have nightmares due to CPTSD, and we cannot be left alone for very long because it doesn't end well (basically I'll probably need a roommate the rest of my life) because our brain starts gaslighting us. All this to say if I DO indulge in more disturbing horror, not only will I distress my other headmates, but our brain has a habit of always taking bits and pieces of that disturbing horror... And turning it into hallucinations. Which, as you can imagine, is not fun and actually terrifying. What's worse is that our brain gaslighting us has the potential to make one of us, or many of us, to believe that whatever we saw / watched was real and an active threat. Yes, that has happened before, and it was terrible for everyone involved.

So I'm not allowed to watch the Walten Files anymore, and it makes me really sad because I do genuinely love horror themes and getting scared and stuff like that- but I have to be actively cautious for my sake, and the sake of my headmates, because the result never is and never has been worth it.

Basically this whole vent is just me pouting because I'm banned from a sub-genre of horror due to its effects on our goofy ass brain.