Feb 12, 2025
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once again thinking about how fucked up it is that special ed used me and other disabled children as unpaid, coerced labor. i worked enough to be making $100 a week. i was "paid" in fake money redeemable only at the school cafeteria, which i worked at, and was forced to do things that distressed me. they gave us $1 a week, if they remembered to give it to us at all.
this was while i would sometimes go the entire day without eating because i didn't have the money to buy food and the free food was not sensory safe. we also worked outside the community - grocery stores, warehouses, shoe stores security tagging items. all under the guise of job skill development, we did $100 of labor a week without ever getting paid. and we were demeaned while we did it. and we were just teens.
so no, i don't want to hear about how special education is good. not with the way me and my peers were treated and taken advantage of. death to institutionalization, in all forms.
I've been meaning to say this for the longest time but one of the reasons the r slur can't be rehashed or reclaimed is because there are always going to be people in that category who CANNOT defend themselves or reclaim it and those exact people are the most at mercy of losing their legal autonomy, they are at most risk of abuse and exploitation and are also often the first targets of institutional eugenics.
I don't care if you are a hyperverbal ex-gifted autistic person, you cannot fathom how fucking dangerous that word is to people with intellectual disabilities who do not have the verbage or capacity to stand up for themselves unless you've witnessed it first hand.
If you can advocate for youself, especially verbally without accomodations I hate to break it to you but the r word is not yours to reclaim because you are not the target so suck it up and punch up before I make you swallow your teeth.
Okay sorry but I will not be silenced. The old man taught the creature speech the way you’re supposed to teach kids, slowly, gently, word by word. Why did that arrogant fuck think the creature would just know language without the work of sitting it down and painstakingly teaching it. “It’s not intelligent”, he says, full of shit. The creature was new, fresh, unmolded. And the only word it latched onto at first, Victor, Victor, Victor, it only knew because it was taught kindly. Every time the creature learnt words it was because they were positively reinforced — with a gentle touch, patience, a soft tone, a pat on the head, KINDNESS.
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Neurotypical people will never understand autistics.
“Autism isn’t a disability” until I have scars on my arms and hands from scratching and rubbing my skin off with my own fingers in meltdowns. Until I’m sobbing hysterically and screaming when people try to touch me in shutdowns. Until I hit myself to self regulate. Until I squeal randomly to express my emotions. Nobody treats me like a normal person. I’m treated like an animal or a pet. Nobody treats me as equal. Nobody treats me like I have a brain. I have straight A’s and an extremely high GPA. “Asperger’s.” “Level one.” Until I’m snapping and biting my pencils because someone is watching me over my shoulder. Until I rip up the worksheet you give me 4 times because you don’t provide me with actual help. Until I’m sobbing because I’m confused on if I can enter a new class because the teacher wasn’t in the room. And they still don’t take me seriously. They treat me like I’m stupid. “Oh, dear, let’s sit you in the calming room.” To contain me because they don’t want other students seeing a “special kid” cry. “I’ll be back.” And they leave me there for the entire class period without coming back to even check on me. And they get mad at me when I get up and leave to just suck it up and enter the classroom because no one was helping me. I’m not an equal to normal people. I will never be. “I love you even if you have autism! Don’t be afraid to be yourself!” Until we’re in public and I express basic happiness. I squeal, I stomp, I hit myself, I giggle, I hold my breath, I bite my lips, I jump up and down, I scratch myself, I flap my arms and hands around. You hit my arm and tell me I’m not being normal and I’m acting “crazy” and to calm down or you’ll take me back home. I’m not an animal to be kept in a cage. “You’re normal.” “You’re just really smart.” “You have superpowers!” Until I unmask and actually show my symptoms openly, and express my obvious needs for accommodation. Then I’m “special” or “troubled” or “impaired”. Normal people will never understand autistic people. We don’t get treated right and we don’t get treated like human. Stop hiding behind “well I just don’t understand!” Learn how to.
thinking that your job or school actually give a fuck about your special needs is like thinking the stripper loves you