#brainia

Still, he could not rest easy. Even sat inside that church, he’d been able to feel the tug of the leash in his hands, one that held a dangerous, unpredictable ticking time bomb on the other end. Who was gaining more slack with every moment he wasted.

Brainy wasn’t sure how he had been talked into going to the Danvers’ family home for dinner. Perhaps he had agreed while his mind had been elsewhere, perhaps it had been upon the might of Eliza’s own insistence, but some hours later, Brainy found himself sharing a living space with his friends, unable to find the energy to draw out even the weakest of lies.

He was cracking, he could feel it. The house smelt overwhelmingly like fresh like pine, along with a welcoming waft from whatever Eliza had cooking on the stove. The living room was too small for so many people; claustrophobic, even, and yet no one else seemed to notice.

Brainy pressed his back against the wall closest to the doorway, unable to meet anyone’s eye. It was better that way, he rationalised, to keep his distance, even if it did mean he was the only person left standing.

Kara and Alex were sharing a blanket on the couch. J’onn had taken to an armchair. And Nia…

Nia was engaged in a conversation with Kelly, her eyes brighter than Brainy had seen in so long. Almost as though a weight had been lifted from her heart.

Good, he thought. That was good. His only hope in all this had been for the pain that he had caused her to ease as swiftly as possible. He had no misconceptions that she would forgive him when all was said and done. No matter how hard his heart screamed on the contrary, his logic was undoubtedly sound. His latest simulations had left him with a bleak outlook for his future where his friends were concerned, anyway.

Perhaps he should have taken this moment of unity as a blessing.

But it was a curse. To stand in the company of such kindness and compassion, all the while knowing the secrets he was harbouring, the heartbreak he had caused. And what of the hurt yet to come? The inevitable distrust when they learned of his deceit? He couldn’t stop, not now, not when the end was so clearly in sight. All he needed was that damned location. As soon as Leviathan was out of the way, he would be free, he would be…

He would have to tell them all the truth.

The smell of a home cooked meal soured on the back of his throat, making his stomach turn. Sweat prickled across his brow as he reached instinctively for his phone, lending two thought tracks to the task of pinpointing Lex’s latest tour stop. Madrid. Yes, that was right. He had just landed.

No more distractions, no more delay. He needed answers. An update. Anything.

Brainy snatched his phone from his pocket, already dialling Lex’s number with his mind as he slipped silently out of the room.

Breath shallow, judgement clouded, Brainy was just able to locate the door to the backyard before his vision began to blur, yanking it open as he all but stumbled outdoors.

The crisp evening washed over his face in an instant, cooling the sweat on his skin as he shakily drank down a lungful of fresh air.

All the while, the ring tone droned on like a bell toll inside his ear.

No answer. He redialled immediately, fingers clenched tight to the screen. No answer. Again. Brainy’s teeth sank into his lip, nearly drawing blood. He redialled again.

No answer. No answer. No answer.

“Brainy?”

Brainy flinched, turning towards the voice that had most certainly not come from his phone. He pulled it away from his ear with haste, erasing his call history with a single thought.

It was Nia who stood in the doorway, a reserved look in her dark eyes.

Brainy could find no words to respond with. He wasn’t sure what might come out of his mouth should he try. Desperately, he fought for control, stuffing every unruly emotion into place as quickly as he deposited his phone back inside his pocket. He struggled to find that version of himself again, the stoic and emotionless figure he had been presenting himself as ever since he’d removed his inhibitors. It was draining to hold so tightly to a part of himself that did not exist, moulding his expression back into affectless stone.

If Nia noticed anything unusual, she didn’t express it. Instead, she swallowed, nodding towards the house. “Dinner’s ready, if you’re hungry. Eliza needs some extra hands to set the table.”

It was such a simple sentiment, and yet Brainy was barely able to contain the wave of emotion that struck him.

In truth, he wanted nothing more than to join Nia inside that house. To eat with her, share her company, her burdens, to be with her in any way that he could. He was exhausted playing this charade; being dialled in so strictly to a single mode of thinking had drained his mental reserves to the point of serious systems fatigue.

Some days, it hardly felt worth it. Every move he made was as deftly monitored as his own attempts against Lex, and he knew that he was falling behind. No matter how many simulations he ran, there were too many variables to account for. If he made just one mistake, the domino effect of events would surely lead to the harm of one of his friends. And if his life held so many similarities to that of his female doppelganger, if her losses became his, on this Earth… the mere thought was too much to bear.  

But Nia was there. She was right there and, just hours ago, she had been close enough that he could have held her.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even hold her hand.

Which meant that no matter how much he wanted to follow her back inside that house, to join his friends at such a difficult time, he could not. He doubted he would have been able to eat anything, anyway. The constant guilt that churned inside his stomach made him perpetually nauseous.

And yet, giving in would have been far too easy.

“Brainy?” Nia asked again, more serious this time. She glanced down towards his pocket, hesitating before she said, “Was that Lex?”

Brainy froze. This, he realised, was his out. An arguably inoffensive lie compared to the hundreds he had already accrued. It was either that, or one of a dozen other far less convincing excuses to get him out of Midvale post-haste.

“Yes,” he said swiftly, forcing a steady tone. “I am needed back at the DEO.” That was the truth, at least. He had spent far too much time away from his post already.

Nia smiled harshly. “No such thing as sympathy leave when your boss is evil incarnate, huh?” When he didn’t respond, her expression hardened. “Are you going, then?”

A longing part of his heart almost asked if she wanted him to. Instead, he dug his hands into his pockets, squaring his shoulders. “I must. If I am to maintain my cover—”

Before he could finish his drilled-in excuse, Nia interrupted with a derisive snort, turning to leave.

He should’ve let her go. He should have had the fortitude to have stopped the conversation long before it had even started. And yet the yearning in his heart screamed louder than any shred of sense he had left. Before he could stop himself, her name was already out of his mouth. “Nia--?”

Nia’s hand clenched around the doorframe, knuckles white as bone. “I just don’t get it,” she muttered. “How can you—how can you do it? Act like it’s not eating you alive to work for him like that?”

Brainy wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry. It took all his energy simply to hold a neutral expression. “It is imperative that I remain close to him, so that I am able to feed information back to you all.” He shrugged, willing his voice not to shake. “Logic does not demand an emotional response.”

Nia turned to him bitterly. “Of course,” she said, eyes shining. “How could I forget? You operate on logic only now, right?”

Brainy ducked his head.

“Was it logical when you sat next to me today?”

His heart thudded loudly in his ears. Brainy swallowed hard, unable to speak.

“In the church,” Nia continued, voice thick. “You were right there and you didn’t have to be. You could’ve sat anywhere else. You haven’t spoken two words to me since you walked out. You avoid me at every corner. So why change that now, Brainy? Why--?”

“I can’t give you the answer that you want.”

Nia faltered. “What—?”

Brainy lifted his head. It was the last thing he wanted to do, to look her in the eye while he drew in from this awful character he had invented - but he was out of time. “It is natural,” he said without malice, “that you would feel emotionally vulnerable so close to the anniversary of your mother’s death. Trying to find comfort from someone that you were once – close – to is logical, also. But I can’t be that person anymore, Nia. I—” He grit his teeth, speaking faster if only to get it over with sooner: “If my proximity during the service gave you the wrong impression, then I apologise. I will not make that error again.”

Nia’s eyes widened in shock. She blinked, quick to mask it, though not quite quick enough to catch the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Brainy’s heart sank as he watched them descend, collecting somewhere beneath her chin.

Nia sniffed hard, swiping them away hastily with her knuckles. Her shock turned to hurt, then to rage in an instant. “Great,” she hissed out. This time, when she turned from him, it was with a finality that Brainy was both grateful and wholly unprepared for. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

The door slammed hard as she disappeared back into the house, a swirl of energy illuminating the glass briefly in blue.

Brainy didn’t move. There was no relief to be found in what he had done. Exhaustion softened the sharper edges of his guilt, though he knew it would strike him soon enough.

He deserved every part of it. Twice now, he had made Nia cry. Twice he had broken her heart. All to preserve this terrible lie.

Nia was right to have been suspicious of his motives. Despite his doppelgangers’ insistence against it, he had wanted to be close to her during the service. It had been his concern that Jeremiah’s funeral might bring up unsavoury memories for her, his choice to sit at her side. And yes, in focusing on that closeness - a proximity they hadn’t shared in months - he had even lost sight of his own mission in the process.

And for what? He had only made things worse. No matter how much he wanted it, no matter how much it tore him apart inside, there was simply no way he could be there for her that wouldn’t twist the knife in deeper for them both.

Had his words just now ensured she would not question him leaving? Almost certainly.

Had it been worth it?

Absolutely not.

His Legion ring allowed for a swift departure at least, although as he launched himself into the ever-deepening twilight, he found no reprieve from the burdens he had left down below.

Let them follow him home, he thought, let them haunt him until the end of his days. Because when Brainy closed his eyes, it was already Nia’s face that looked back at him, the pain he had caused crystalised to her cheeks like shards of glass.

He would resolve this. One day soon, it would all be over. Leviathan would be destroyed, Lex would be behind bars and then… then he would set about putting things right with his friends. With Nia. He had to.

“Ah.” Brainy smiled, leaning forward. “You, I believe, prescribe to what is known as the fashionably late approach. For rooftop drinks, you were twenty minutes late, you were ten minutes late to game night and an impressive fifteen minutes early to Thanksgiving dinner.” He eyed her suspiciously. “Perhaps I do require more data. Your pattern is – ah - somewhat inconclusive.”

Nia laughed, rolling her eyes. “There’s no mystery to that, Brainy. I wanted to help set up.” She shrugged. “Plus, my dreams had been keeping me up at night; I was afraid if I left it too long, I might fall asleep and miss the whole thing. So, better to be early, I guess.”

Brainy appraised her with a subtle interest. “A strategy, then. I will have to factor that in next time. It is also something that we can work on.”

Nia pressed her knuckles against her lips. She could already feel the blush creeping along her cheeks at the prospect of spending more time with him, even if it was strictly for training purposes. It was what she’d wanted to focus on, after all, and Brainy had taken that to heart with immediate effect. It was endearing how quickly he’d committed himself to her request, even going as far as getting permission from Kara to use Superman’s renowned Fortress of Solitude as their training grounds. She got goosebumps just thinking about it.

And maybe that wasn’t just about the Fortress.

Honestly, it was kind of crazy how comfortable she felt in Brainy’s company already. Outside of that one wires-crossed dinner date, this was the first time they’d ever sat down at a table together, just the two of them, and yet Nia didn’t feel all that weird about it. If anything, it felt natural.

She cleared her throat suddenly, realising that she must’ve been staring at him for a while. Maybe she’d get lucky and he’d assume she was still out of it from using her powers. It wasn’t exactly untrue – since she’d started leaning into her visions, certain points of focus had started getting a lot blurrier around the edges. Although, right now, she was a little too aware of what was going on.

Nia fumbled for her phone again, snatching it from the table. “I’ll text Kara,” she murmured, swiping quickly through her contacts list. “Maybe she forgot, or there was a superhero emergency or something.”

Brainy hummed, unconvinced. “I can confirm that there is currently no threat in National City in need of Supergirl’s attention.” His brow furrowed, his mind lost once more to cyberspace. “Nor the DEO, for that matter. Alex should be here.”

Just as he’d spoken, Brainy’s phone buzzed twice on the table, at the exact same moment that Nia’s pinged in her hand. She blinked in surprise. “It’s from Kara,” she said slowly, reading the text aloud, “won’t be able to make it, trouble in the city. Have fun.” Her mouth fell slack. “Um?”

“Mine is from Alex,” Brainy announced in equal bemusement. “Meeting running late, won’t be able to make it. Have fun.” His frown deepened as he scanned the text again, this time lifting the phone closer towards his face, scrutinising every detail. “That is impossible. Alex’s schedule was clear all morning. They are lying to us.” He blinked up at her, expression forlorn. “Why would they do that?”

Nia only half registered his question; she was far too immersed in the one clue that Kara had left behind. “Uh, did Alex put a little winky face after have fun?”

Brainy shook his head. “Alex does not favour the language of emoji.” He peered over at her curiously. “Why?”

“Well, Kara did.” Nia sighed, turning her phone screen for him to see. She couldn’t help the knot of embarrassment that had started to twist itself through her stomach. If this was really what she thought it was - and she was pretty certain that it was - then this was low, even for Kara.

No wonder she hadn’t wanted to show her face at CatCo that morning, her bluffing skills were majorly lacking. It was like her Supergirl secret drained her of the ability to hide literally anything else. Nia fought the urge to roll her eyes.

“Mm.” Brainy studied the screen for a long moment before glancing back at her. “Is she mocking you?”

Nia jerked her hand away, a surprised laugh catching in her throat. “What? No! Wait, is that what you think that means?”

Brainy straightened, fixing her with a serious look. “Winking faces can allude to various intents. Jokes, whimsy, cruelty. Although, recently, I have learned that winking in conversation can often signify the reference to one thing, when in fact meaning another. Especially in the realm of secret keeping. They are hiding something from us.” He inhaled sharply, making to stand. “We should investigate immediately.”

Thinking fast, Nia grabbed for his arm, all but yanking him back into his seat. She smothered a laugh with her free hand. “Brainy, hey Brainy, just stop a second, okay?”

Brainy fell back into his seat with a confused clutter. “You are smiling,” he noted distantly. Then, he blinked. “Why are you smiling?”

Nia groaned. “Because I know what this is.” She snorted, tipping her head back. “I just can’t believe Kara actually got Alex to go along with it.”

“Along with… what?”

“They set us up, Brainy. They were never going to show - because they wanted us to go to coffee together.”

Brainy fell silent, twisting his fingers over one another, as though he was trying to figure out a complex algorithm. “But we have drunk coffee many times together.”

Oh god, she was really about to spell this out for him.

Nia shrugged, feeling her face begin to warm again. “Sure, between training or grabbing them before work, but not like this. Y’know, like a…” She hung onto the word for as long as she could before closing her eyes, hissing between her teeth, “Date.”

“A… date?” Brainy scoffed, rearing higher in his seat. When Nia only met him with a tired smile, his face fell. “You think so?”

“Yup.”

“Is that something you want?” Brainy asked. He lowered his voice nervously. “I thought that after the first time— and-and then with Valentine’s Day--”

Nia flinched. “Okay, so we’ve both been pretty bad at the whole date thing. Maybe that’s why Kara and Alex thought we could use the push.”

“So it is, then, something that you want?”

She smiled. “Maybe not this exact scenario, but, yes, Brainy, it is. Is it something you want, too?”

Brainy seemed to relax a little as he considered, folding his hands beneath his chain. “Dating is not so different where I am from, although there is a severe lack of anti-gravity bars in the twenty-first century.” He shrugged. “Coffee seems a fitting substitute.”

Nia laughed, feeling her own embarrassment begin to fade. There was still a tingle of something like anticipation in her stomach, although she decided she liked that feeling a lot better. “Okay, great. It’s a date, then.” She cringed. “Or, it will be, we should probably order first.”

This time, Brainy did stand. “Allow me.”

“Wait, I didn’t tell you what I—” She trailed off as she watched Brainy march away, rolling her eyes. “Right,” she muttered to herself. Brainy had had her coffee order memorised since before they’d met again on that rooftop. Even if she did decide to change it up, she was pretty sure he’d still get it right somehow. Differential calculus or whatever.

She settled into her chair instead, watching with a smile as Brainy headed to the counter to order.

She was excited - in a way she hadn’t felt on a date in long time. She knew it was just coffee, and it was just one date, but it was the best shot either of them had taken since whatever was going on between them had begun to register.

Nia may have only just started on her path as the Dreamer, but she was pretty sure her dreams had never alluded to anything like this before. She kind of hoped they never would. For right now, it was more fun to live in the present, and for the future to remain a pleasant surprise for them both.

Idly, she tapped back into her phone, typing out a quick but deliberate response to Kara’s text.