#bimgap

Personal Training with a difference

 As I read the last few pages of Linda Bacon's- Health at Every Size book, I knew I was ready to start living the life I deserved but could not do this and still promote diets and weight loss to my clients. I can't promote something I know longer believe in.

 But it wasn't always this way..

 Before finding HAES I had already decided to stop DIETING and in doing so I had to let go of my ideal 'perfect' body.

Letting go wasn't easy and in fact I did it kicking and screaming.

I thought I was a Fitness Role model in my slim, toned body and as a Bikini competitor I showed that I practised what I preached and would inspire people to work hard and achieve their goals.

 In order to let go of dieting, I had to let go of my fear of being FAT and EMBRACE my body for what it is today.

I had to let go of the rules and start listening to my bodies hunger signals, and trust that my body is smarter than me. I had to LOSE CONTROL to GAIN CONTROL.

 Letting my body SHOW UP in whatever size it wants to be.

 In fact the more research I took into REAL health I realised just how unhealthy I was.

By pursuing my goal of the 'perfect' 6 pack abs and large glutes, I would have to train hard, sometimes, push passed my bodies signals of tiredness or pain.

All the promo's out their tell us that pain is weakness right!?

 I ate things I called 'foods' that had no nutritional value, tasted like chemicals and basically just filled a whole in my tummy to help me to feel full so I could override my natural urges to eat!

 This was not why I became a Personal Trainer.

This was not fulfilling my original goal of HEALTH and FITNESS.

 The more I moved away from diet culture and changed myself, I finally felt confident to make Blogs and Posts on social media.  I came up against a lot of judgement, arguments, and opinions from a lot of other Fitness Professionals or Body Builders who I once felt close to. Of course they argued because they hadn't done the research I had OR maybe they knew but were happy taking people's money anyway and were worried that my 'speaking up' would damage their reputation or reduce their clientele.

 I argued back for a while, I was angry at the Industry because I once believed what they did, and I thought if I could only get them to listen, they'd change too!

 BUT I spoke to deaf ears.

 I wondered if my message was confusing my clients. So I made an audio apology to all my clients, explaining the changes and that I was sorry I led them down the diet path that I once believed so blindly in.

 I honestly kicked and screamed AND CRIED my way into Body Positivity because something inside me was still hoping I'd fit in, and in the fitness industry to go against the grain, to not promote diets or weight loss or assume that everyone FAT needs to, wants to or even CAN lose weight, I no longer fit in!

 I cried some more. I cried as I put on weight, I lost my identity (the Bikini competitor) and for a moment I just felt LOST. I didn't fit into Body Positive community yet, and I didn't fit into Fit Pros anymore. I was lost in limbo, even looking for alternative jobs outside of fitness.

 Then I realised, (with some help from my coach-Sarah Vance) that there are people out their who need me!!

 People who don't want to be trained the same way most trainers wants to train them, people who may have been messed up by dieting, having poor body image, just as I did. People who don't want to be stared at in the gym whilst trying to improve their health. People who want REAL health and not just Aesthetics!

 I AM THAT TRAINER. I am a HAES Trainer. I want to improve REAL health, life longevity, pain from injuries and/ over exercise, pain from muscle imbalance/over worked 'show' muscles. Pain from diet culture and society.

Fitness and health for the whole PERSON and not just the neck down.

 In doing so I am continuing to improve my services research and educate myself and along the way my lovely clients have understood and stayed with me,

thank you.. you know who you are!

For me, to look like I did 'on stage' I'd have to exercise maybe 16 hours a week, eat 5-6 very small bland meals a day out of Tupperware and spend 90% of my brain activity thinking about food or my aching body. For me, I'd lose my period, I'd have thinning hair but I'd be a shiny glowing brown (for a day or two) then I'd be a lizard of brown blotches whilst the fake tan scrubs off!  I'd enjoy food with family only on a binge day, I'd call it a 'cheat' but let's be real. Then I'd spend the next day feeling guilty and make sure I'm super 'clean'. 

I'd dream I ate cake and I'd feel guilty upon waking before I realize it was a dream and then I'd applaud myself that I did another day and was x number of weeks/days out of a show where I could eat cake. 

I never even used to like cake. 

I'd have trouble sleeping and I'd have no interest in my other half, if you know what I mean. I'd ignore my daughters because I was tired and HANGRY. 

BUT I'd look like a fitness model! I'd get work offers, ambassador opportunities for great gym clothing.  

Yaaaayy!  

 Please note, this is the hard part and is a working progress. 

I love my body because.. 

It is showing up as it should be. I am getting healthy again. No binging and purging, no over exercise, no restrictions. No calorie free, carb free crap we call food!  

Yes I'm going to be fatter, but do I want to be skinny and live the above life? Hell NO! 

 Remember I am talking about ME, some people do look like a fitness model and they don't have to do anything drastic apart from eat healthy and exercise to look that way (GO them!). I am not one of those people.  

 Let's try, this week SHOW up (or show the hell up as my coach Sarah would say) in our bodies as we are. 

Especially if you have had a long period of dieting, your body may put on weight fast or more than it will settle at eventually. How much? How long? Who knows.. But if you have had years of dieting, your body has lost trust in you not to starve, so it will hold some fat just in case.. 

When and if it let's go is anyone's guess.. 

 Wanna talk?