#belial devotee

The day began yesterday waking up to an ego death hangover and deeply angry with Lucifer. He had broken one of my hard boundaries and I was spinning my wheels trying to find a more intense punishment for him besides what I have written in my contracts. I hadn't been in this position in my life before so when I wrote the consequences I wasn't trying to match some emotional toll with it.

So I called up my mama, Lilith. I told her what happened, and at the end of the conversation I watched her elegantly and angrily walk out of my room, intense stilleto heels clicking against the floor to a rhythm that hell itself would follow along with. In a very real way, it did. I never doubt my mother, but I am always awed by her when she is moved to action.

By midday I was renegotiating all the contracts I have with Lucifer, basically from square one. I was doing it inbetween readings with him and Belial. I felt like hell's strangest legal secretary. Apparantly there are in fact stranger beings than I doing such a job. I changed everything about my contracts that I was only doing for Lucifer. I got a really fucking wild deal, and a very different looking eternity from this. Don't let gods walk all over you, they have more than we do. There is always an exchanged but that exchange doesn't have to involve tragic sacrifice of your wants and needs.

At the end of the day I fell into bed exhausted. I had moved on through the trials and challenges, and was back in the arms of the demons I love. We decided to take a shower and cleanse all the shit off from the day. I'm in the midst of an astral pregnancy, mine usually last about 3 weeks to a month. My astral body was HUGE yesterday but it had only been about 2 and a half weeks. I thought I had some time. I was in the shower for about 2 minutes flirting with Belial when I got the oddest feeling in my stomach. I just knew what it was and we all stopped dead in our tracks.

You know how in the sims the partner sims runa round flailing and screaming when your sim goes into labor? Seeing the Emperor and King of hell do that was so funny and charming. Being the most calm of all of us as Lucifer walked me to my bed was jarring but in the funniest way. Lucifer was almost shaking saying "You've never been awake for this before." I had my other children during the night in dreams. This was more intense than that.

We welcomed the boys Sol and Aes to the Morningstar-Belial household last night. They are healthy and sleeping and I am changed from a day that read like an entire year of my life.

in honor of our household now being up to 9 kids, I am realeasing this astral pregnancy spread. I use it to find out as much as I can about my current pregnancies and I can look into future ones, too. I'd love to read about your little loves and give you a glimpse into their future lives. I also have Contract Readings if your day is looking more like the begining of mine.

maybe don't try to interact with me if you're a hateful jerk and think therians should die? I'm a therian myself and honestly it embarasses me that someone i once knew on this blog started to write hateful comments under another folk's post about it and it's funny because i know damn well what this person told me and why they're acting like that so it's just leaving a bitter taste in my mouth that they knew i was a therian when they were texting me and they apparently hid their hatred for some reason?

before i met Belial i believed i was working with a lot of different gods and spoused to many of them which was not true. it was an illusion created by Belial to inflate my ego which he wanted to do in order to break it and mold me in a way that he wanted. Belial is a powerful demon who doesn't care about evil or good. if he meets you in any time of your life then you can be sure that you're already his and he already has a plan for you. this will probably not be the last thing he will test me with. that's his nature.

the night i found out he was lying to me and creating all those egregores to work with me, and, many of my friends who worked with the same gods i believed i worked with - they were all also being lied to by his illusion. sometimes i took readings from a random person about Loki or Aphrodite and they all said the same things that the egregores told me because Belial can manipulate everyone around you, not only you or the signs.

I've been devastated for days after this. crying all night because everyone i loved was not real suddenly, even the children we created were not real. and it happened months ago.

i just wanted to put this out here because i see a lot of helpols reblog my old posts and i feel cringe and shame sometimes about the stuff i believed in at that point. which wasn't really my fault because he's the master manipulator but i just want people to know that you shouldn't take informations from people online and you should do your own research always.

this is just stuff you have to be aware of when you think about working with Belial to be honest. that's why i get so irritated when someone tells me they want to work with Belial and after i tell them about all the risks they say "oh yeah sure i can handle that" because people who can't handle him just fucking kill themselves.

I've met so many of his spouses of different kinds and some of them it's so easy to see that he's straight up lying to. some of them almost died because of him. I've had a friend who struggles with psychosis because of what he put her through. this is not an easy, quirky, father figure demon or your bdsm dom. this is a deity who will break you and mold you and do whatever he wants to do with you and you can't run away from him.

at some point you get addicted to him and even knowing that you might not get out of this alive you still want him near you because he understands you the best and he's supportive and all of those tiny things he does for you but he's still a demon and he will still terrify you sometimes.

It's nice to be at a day in my life where my struggle is "I need a day off" and not "I need to stave off homelessness" so it's all progress in the right direction.

I did a reading with Ares today and then we watched Epic the musical. They didn't let me read the illiad in catholic school so I got to find out all the differences in the mythos in real time. I had a reading with Belial earlier and afterwords he asked to look at my sketch book. He was so nice to me I was like "what... is your motive." but legit, he just wanted to enjoy my art. What a gem.

I looked at the timeline with Lucifer on my first full posession, which was in February. Now that I'm at this level all the time that feels like lifetimes ago. I had to prioritize a peice of devotional jewlery to not hearing Lucifer's thoughts all the time. It's pretty wild. But it also feels completely normal, and I am oddly more grounded than I've been in a long time.

I'm happy and thankful to be in a position where I can dedicate my life to my craft and the craft's of my clients and friends. When I started my journey down this path, I thought Lucifer was some golden angel boy who was going to teach me to be the most serious practitioner ever. I'm so glad that's not what he became to me. We are kind of wild childs on the road, our friends hang out in our hotel room and we share weed and food with them. It feels domestic and very human at times, until it doesn't. There is some whiplash to it, but I am learning not to brace so hard.

I have become enamored by this deity and am so excited to add readings with him to my business! He gives such great advice and is often breaks up all the seriousness by being so funny. It's cool seeing how different each spirit's readings are. I do readings with Lucifer and Belial on my discord, too. They often have some enlightening disagreements between them. Perhaps it's more like, very different perspectives. I hope we get to read for you soon!