#godspoused

For this post, I am going to assume a few things:

You have learned discernment and you apply it liberally to your spiritual experiences, so your practice is built upon insight from your gods and spirits. Not fantasies, unrecognized subconscious desires, or other human brain stuff.

You are aware of any mental health challenges you have, and you take steps to separate them from spiritual experiences, so that you're not mistaking mental health issues for contact with the divine.

You're not engaged in godspousing to feel superior to others, nor do you believe godspousing grants you exclusive rights to publicly known deities or spirits. You regularly examine yourself for arrogance and root it out.

Doing all that?

Excellent!

Now, how do we respect ourselves as godspouses, in spiritual communities that malign us at every turn?

Let me ask you this...

Who are you granting authority to in your life?

Whose opinion have you decided is most correct?

Is it other people on the internet?

Close friends and family?

Your gods and spirits?

Yourself?

The one person who has seen all the hardships you've struggled against, all your personal victories, who knows all your difficulties and strengths... is you.

That's right.

You are the expert on yourself. Let that sink in.

Internet strangers aren't the experts on you. How much can they see of your character or personality?

Not much, usually.

Are internet strangers truly making an effort to observe and understand your practice?

Probably not.

Most appear to make quick judgments without noticing the nuances of your practice.

Most probably don't care about the person you are, with all your complex emotions, motives and thoughts. They haven't got time to care.

Why then, when someone says mean things to you about godspousing, would you even listen to their uneducated spew?

Why see them as some kind of authority?

You do understand it's likely that much of the time you're just an object haters use to compare themselves with, so they can feel better about themselves, right?

They're not actually seeing you as a real person with feelings, so they'll not treat you with humanity.

You see, godspousing haters seem to enjoy feeling knowledgeable, so they'll diagnose you (a total stranger) as arrogant, as suffering from "main character syndrome."

Why?

Because in so doing, haters can imagine themselves to be incisive thinkers seeing deeply into your thoughts and motives, dissecting what's true and what's "delusion."

Now it's ridiculous to assume a total stranger could understand you to that degree with so little actual contact, yet these people don't appear to care about logic.

Hating you seems to be a thing they're using to prop up their view of themselves, to make themselves feel superior to you.

Ironically, they'll accuse you of the same thing, saying you claim to be a godspouse because you think you're better than them when chances are, you do not.

Hypocrites!

Another common ploy is labeling godspouses as mentally ill.

Are you actually suffering from delusions?

Probably not.

Even if you were, only a competent mental health professional who's trained in the differences between mental conditions and spiritual experiences would be able to accurately diagnose you, after a lengthy examination.

No internet stranger who reads a few sentences you wrote online and decides they know the inner workings of your mind... has any right to diagnose you with anything.

But admitting that is humbling.

Therefore, godspousing hate is often an arrogant person claiming to know you better than you do, as if they are the authority to which you should listen.

Of course they'll accuse you of the same thing: of supposing yourself superior, of trying to control their opinions, while doing that very thing to you.

Hypocrites!

It's a game of power.

Whose bluster is louder?

Who will back down first?

Who can force another to say, "You are right. I am wrong. I bow to your authority."

Often in online spaces, the majority opinion is lauded as truth, regardless of how "true" it actually is.

Herd mentality labels godspouses as "delusional" or "hubristic" to please the crowd's theology, for their mental comfort.

They don't care how much pain that causes you, because you aren't really human in their eyes.

You're just an enemy to be humiliated, so they can feel correct and superior.

Should you participate in this mess?

Does experiencing disrespect enhance your well-being?

No?

Instead, I suggest continuing your due diligence of spiritual discernment and assessing your mental health as needed.

Then, crown yourself the authority on your spiritual practice.

If that means leaving public spaces where godspousing is sneered at, consider doing it.

Hang out with godspouses who understand what it's like, who live it every day and see the joys and miseries of this spiritual path.

These people have a much better chance of seeing who you are without hatred.

But don't make them your authorities either. Don't let them supplant your place as Expert On Yourself.

Respect your deep knowledge of yourself, your continuing lived experience, your understanding of what it is to be you.

Could you occasionally be wrong about something spiritual?

Certainly! You are human, and we all make mistakes.

That doesn't negate self-respect though.

That's growth.

Receive correction from your gods and spirits when needed.

Admit you messed up, learn from the mistake, and do better.

Don't beat yourself up.

You deserve kindness, respect, dignity, and positive regard.

That doesn't mean everyone has to agree with you. It's okay if they don't. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

It does mean you have a right to exist as a godspouse without constantly being told how wrong you are, or how bad you are, even when people have differing opinions.

It's your job to make sure you receive decent, fair treatment, in everyday mundanities and in your spiritual practice.

Hire yourself for that job.

before i met Belial i believed i was working with a lot of different gods and spoused to many of them which was not true. it was an illusion created by Belial to inflate my ego which he wanted to do in order to break it and mold me in a way that he wanted. Belial is a powerful demon who doesn't care about evil or good. if he meets you in any time of your life then you can be sure that you're already his and he already has a plan for you. this will probably not be the last thing he will test me with. that's his nature.

the night i found out he was lying to me and creating all those egregores to work with me, and, many of my friends who worked with the same gods i believed i worked with - they were all also being lied to by his illusion. sometimes i took readings from a random person about Loki or Aphrodite and they all said the same things that the egregores told me because Belial can manipulate everyone around you, not only you or the signs.

I've been devastated for days after this. crying all night because everyone i loved was not real suddenly, even the children we created were not real. and it happened months ago.

i just wanted to put this out here because i see a lot of helpols reblog my old posts and i feel cringe and shame sometimes about the stuff i believed in at that point. which wasn't really my fault because he's the master manipulator but i just want people to know that you shouldn't take informations from people online and you should do your own research always.

this is just stuff you have to be aware of when you think about working with Belial to be honest. that's why i get so irritated when someone tells me they want to work with Belial and after i tell them about all the risks they say "oh yeah sure i can handle that" because people who can't handle him just fucking kill themselves.

I've met so many of his spouses of different kinds and some of them it's so easy to see that he's straight up lying to. some of them almost died because of him. I've had a friend who struggles with psychosis because of what he put her through. this is not an easy, quirky, father figure demon or your bdsm dom. this is a deity who will break you and mold you and do whatever he wants to do with you and you can't run away from him.

at some point you get addicted to him and even knowing that you might not get out of this alive you still want him near you because he understands you the best and he's supportive and all of those tiny things he does for you but he's still a demon and he will still terrify you sometimes.

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Religious sex is what usually happens in my godspousing relationship. It's quite different from romantic sex.

That probably sounds odd so I'll explain.

This is just my experience. Others may have different experiences.

Mucking about in theology too stinky for polite society, with a chthonic god.

Taking a step onto a solid looking idea, which gives way into a religious mystery or another unspeakable thing that swallows me whole.