#godspoused

me: okay which one

Belial: *shrugs*

me: *sees a reading for thr 4th time today* is this the one

Belial: *shrugs*

me: omg *watches the reading but it's not the one*

me: *finds another one* is this the one?

Belial: *shrugs*

me: *watches the reading and it seems to tell Belial's story and how he's connected to me*

me: ...was this the reading you wanted me to watch?

Belial: *blinks at me like he doesn't know what I'm talking about*

me: oh my god.

me: put on a love song if yes and put on a song about hate if no

Belial: *puts on Happy by Han Jisung*

me: this is a break up song bro

me: another. give me a love song if you're refusing to answer

Belial: *puts on let's groove*

me: brother in the devil...again

me: put on a love song if the answer is yes, put on a break up song if the answer is no, put on a song about killing someone or something if you're trying to refuse the answer on purpose

Belial: 👍 *puts on Wouldn't you like from Epic*

me: you fucking...ughhhh

But let's be honest here.

Godspousing isn't all marshmallows and rainbows. Sure it's fun to talk about the sweetness, but that doesn't represent the majority of my practice.

The truth is... my theology is regularly ruined by things my gods say. This doesn't please me. I can't discuss it with anyone just to get perspective, because it's too far from the usual pagan theologies and would likely be dismissed without consideration. Of course, I do apply discernment thoroughly to those spiritual experiences, but there's still a small chance I could be making errors. Can't ignore that possibility. I am a flawed human after all.

Also the gods regularly give me astral lessons that point out private traumas and unearth old pain so I can heal, but that's not comfortable either. They bring me parts of themselves that aren't well accepted by people too, so I can know my gods better. Not fun again.

Learning spiritual stuff is hard. Facing one's personal pain and metamorphosing into a healthier self is hard. Getting to know a nonhuman god intimately is hard. Applying discernment thoroughly to spiritual experiences, and doing that consistently for years is hard. Spiritual growth is hard. Keeping the private stuff quiet is hard. For those like myself who are more public about their practice, remaining kind while hearing the pagan community's erroneous assumptions about godspouses... is hard.

Stir all the above together and live with it daily. For years.

So much fun, right?

No, I'm not complaining. I love my gods very much! But there's not enough talk about what real life can be like with a god for some people, without a sugarcoating of romance.

I wanted to say something about this, to help normalize it, because I am probably not the only one having this experience.

hide . hide now . from merrick to ash

She doesn't dare to try and question him, moving rather swiftly towards the nearest hiding position - there's a rather large boulder nearby, and it's easy for her smaller stature to run behind and hide. She had heard it the same time it seemed he had - steps coming towards them, either a simple meeting or a fight that was going to occur.

maybe don't try to interact with me if you're a hateful jerk and think therians should die? I'm a therian myself and honestly it embarasses me that someone i once knew on this blog started to write hateful comments under another folk's post about it and it's funny because i know damn well what this person told me and why they're acting like that so it's just leaving a bitter taste in my mouth that they knew i was a therian when they were texting me and they apparently hid their hatred for some reason?