#disabled witch

I'm an AuDHD adult with multiple disabilities and I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user. I've been having a hard time using my own mobility aids recently causing myself intense pain and guilt. Ive also been distanced from my spirituality again. I wanted to reconnect both of these with my newfound passions in life! Hopefully I'll be able to post more princess / MLP / fairy spells to help me and others.

Ariel had lots of knick knacks and doo dads, but many of us may not have access to those. This spell might feel more authentic or provide more energy to you if you cast it while in water like a shower, bath, washing your hands, using a wet wipe, water therapy, or more. By a window to soak in the sunlight would also be energizing and correlate with Ariel. This spell is driven by intention true to the heart though so all you need is yourself as you are! 🫶

"Even if I cant walk, even if I cant run, I enjoy the warmth of the sun. My heart is free so I love to be Part of my own world.

I'm ready to know what others know, Don't need permission to show up as I am. "What's wrong with you?" How do I say, none of your concern.

Last month I celebrated my queerness.

This month I acknowledge my disability.

I thought about posting this on my main blog, but I’m more attached to this one and my disability is what allows me to spend so much time on my practice. I am unable to keep a regular job, and so I am able to focus on my body, mind, and spirit, and do daily witchy things.

Buckle up, I took a gummy and this isn’t very cohesive:

When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with ADHD but left unmedicated and untreated. My mom was of the age of not believing in ADHD. I spent my life thinking all my issues were thanks to that, but my mental health and wellbeing got worse and worse as I got older and had to start taking care of myself. I struggled already in school, barely scraping by with shit grades, being in “special” classes and riding the short bus— But moving out on my own saw my mental health deteriorate like nothing had before. I was working so hard just to make ends meet, all while healing from significant adverse childhood experiences (abuse, absent parents, multiple parental divorces, SA).

I’m 33 (in 5 days) and I have worked (in order) at:

Dunkin Donuts

Nanny

Pepperidge Farm delivery driving

(I was diagnosed with CPTSD, GAD, Depression, and OCD around this time. I also came out as trans and got divorced.)

A hair salon

An eyeglass/eye exam office

A gym

An adult novelty store

Amazon

Party Store

McDonald’s

Registered my own LLC as a comm artist

And I only lasted about 8 months to a year at each job before I wound up having an inevitable breakdown and quitting unceremoniously. The LLC was my last ditch effort to make a steady income before I finally hit the last and biggest burnout of my life.

I was nonfunctional, crying and having meltdowns every day, and most certainly not myself. I started isolating myself, cutting off all my friends, and drowning in suicidal ideation.

Finally, I received an Autism diagnosis. Not only that, but ASD lvl 2, which shocked my diagnostician because I had spent so long masking pretty profound Autism due to intelligence. (And how afabs always get misdiagnosed or missed. Anyways. The whole situation was much more complicated— I’m just giving sparknotes).

Following that, I started pursuing Disability and moved back home with my mom. I’ve been in Autistic burnout recovery ever since.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever get out of burnout. It’s so total, so entirely all-encompassing, it feels like this is all I’ve ever been— But that’s not true. I used to be able to do more. I used to be able to handle more.

But now I have to be very careful every single day with what I spend my energy on.

I struggle to take care of myself, which is embarrassing to say, but it’s true. Showering, brushing my teeth, washing my face, eating food— Things that are simple and second nature to many others are agonizing to me, and I’ve spent a few years now in this lower-demand state of being, just wishing I could go back to the person who could do anything.

But that person was not okay. That person was the harbinger of this person’s constant exhaustion. That person was socially confused, emotionally a wreck, and mentally filled with screaming static. This person, at least, can live quietly and with a good support network.

I am blessed and privileged to have the space and support I need to heal.

I’m happy as hell lately, actually. Spirituality— seeking something more— is what pulled me from the brink and kept me alive when I was in the darkest night of my soul.

I’m filled with joy and abundance and grateful for all I have and where I am now compared to where I was a few years ago, grinding myself down to dust.

But when I stop and think about it, I never forget that I am disabled and that my life had to be hellish to get me to this point. I don’t know if I would be considered disabled had I been accommodated early in life (probably), but I know I wouldn’t have such a fried nervous system.

I’m okay, but I’m never really okay.

And it’s good to talk about it.

it's like "nah, dude. you're chill. laugh away!"

it is kind of funny that i need to use the disabled car parks now