Experiencing any and all relationships while being someone with an anxious-avoidant (or fearful avoidant or whatever you call it) personality disorder is just having to go "shhh shhh it's okay, it's okay" like every other second. After some time it might quiet down, but then you get hurt – like one naturally does, because it's a normal thing to not always be treated the best ever – and it feels like you got shot. So then, for the next few months (or even years), every loud sound feels like a gunshot echoing through the air, every object moved towards you feels like a weapon and every hand reaching out feels like it's about to reload the ammo. And also there's people online calling you an unlovable piece of shit for Reacting Badly To That and you get yelled at when you flinch, btw.
