#arrspeaks

The common response: Qprs are more than just friendships, you wouldn't marry/have kids with your just friend, I'd treat my qpp different to my just friends,!!

I actually think I wouldn't mind being in a qpr sort of situation. The problem is the widespread notion that it's a 'strong, platonic committed relationship/life partnership that isn't just friendship'.

I get that invalidation has caused qprs to be defined as such. But that definition alienates me as an aplatonic aro. I struggle with commitment, intimacy and that 'pull' to others even on a 'just friendship' level.

Qprs were coined to be customisable for any aro - from what I gathered, qprs are simply committed non-romantic relationships. They're defined in that very non-romo aro sense.

Yeah, they can involve platonism, but wouldn't the 'non-romantic' part of the definition already imply that, without excluding aplatonism and even considerarion of other attraction types e.g. sexual, emotional, sensual?

(I guess it's easier to conceptualize qprs as platonic-centered. Not for me, though. I can barely conceptualise 'just' platonic attraction.)

I think I would like a committed relationship in the future, and maybe I'll want a label for that too. If so, I wouldn't consider qpr. As it stands the term is entrenched in ideas of strong platonic love and intimacy. For a term that's supposed to be customisable, that's what it's zeroed on.

Maybe I'm wrong and there are qprs out there that aren't like this, that are more in line with my ideal. Still, I feel that the term and the widespread culture around it naturally erases my aplatonism.

Even as I say that, I don't really have anything to suggest to... work on it.

There's no need to replace qpr as a term because it's useful for others. I don't think a qpr culture shift to include aplatonics (or just me) is wanted either. Nor do I think this post of mine would really matter to the aro community.

The post: *defines aplatonism as lacking queerplatonic attraction*

I feel compassion; devotion; appreciation; admiration; care; empathy; concern; amusement; peace; security; gratefulness; the list goes on.

I can use any number of those words to describe how I feel about the people in my life. But not 'love'.

I'm aware those feelings can be a part of what it means to love someone. I guess I can love, I just don't feel it's worth using to encompass the breadth of my emotions.

I've heard the words 'love you' too many times. Out of obligation. Out of desperate reassurance. As shorthand. Sincere, maybe, but overused.