The thing that sometimes sucks about being nonbinary is that even within my own community, it's very difficult to find people I relate to. Obviously I respect every nonbinary person, no matter how they experience their gender, but it can be very isolating to know that even in your own community people don't seem to get you.
I don't want to be a man or pass as a man, but I also don't want to pass as a woman. I have dysphoria about my sex characteristics, as confirmed by my therapist, but not all nonbinary people have dysphoria. People always mention how it's impossible to pass as 100% androgynous so they choose a side, but that can be really dysphoria inducing for me.
So like, even within the nonbinary community, it seems like people can relate to eachother, but I just don't relate to them. I mostly settled on nonbinary because I spent years going back and forth on whether I was a binary trans dude, but I'm not, that makes me just as dysphoric as being seen as a woman. I wouldn't say I'm agender because there's /something/ there, but it's like,,,, defined by my discomfort with things that bring attention to sex characteristics.
I almost wish I were binary because at least then my nebulous dysphoria would be easy to pin down, but instead I'm stuck in this balancing act of always looking androgynous enough to be comfortable. Too effeminate and I feel physically ill, too masculine and I just feel kind of off. Nothing fits.
