I feel like I masturbate a lot, but I don't know if that's actually because I even enjoy it. It's something where the enjoyment is quick and very minimal. To use a metaphor (since it helps me distance myself from this embarassing topic): it's like going on a roller coaster ride, or like how everyone describes drugs. There's the emotional high, and then immediately afterwards you experience a big comedown and a feeling of shame and embarrassment. That's how it works for me. I masturbate almost once or twice a week, but I almost always feel ashamed afterwards. I don't know what this says about me, but i feel like it has to say something.
In any case, this could be part of my aegosexuality. Or this could just be a me thing. It feels like a me thing, honestly. Because only i seem to feel such self inflicted shame after a sexual act. I know it's nothing too shameful, but I still get all in my head about it. It's kind of weird, and I don't like it. I don't know what I can do about it, but i felt like the least i could do was vent about it here. At least that might help me get all this stuff off my chest? I don't know, it was just a thought on my behalf.
