#aceweek2019

Lots of ace people find romantic or queerplatonic relationships incredibly fulfilling, but that doesn’t mean you need a partner to be happy. In fact, many people are perfectly content without a partner, and that’s completely valid!

I’m gay, and everyone knows it. I’m so out and proud, and honestly, a pretty damn good ambassador for all things queer in my small USA midwest town. I am nearly always the first lesbian my coworkers have met, and if I’m not, they always tell me I’m the nicest or the most “normal” or whatever, and I never fail to explain to them how that is NOT a compliment, etc., etc. I rarely go a day without answering some rather invasive question about being gay. I always stand up for my fellow gays and trans people when they come up in conversation, i.e., someone might say, “i just don’t get all this transgenderism stuff. no offense” and I’ll stop what im doing to explain anything i can, to tell them why what they said was offensive, to send them better resources to learn more, to meet them where they are.

i have had so many people tell me i changed their mind about gay people - and not just the nice, polite, straight-passing gays like me. i have had so many people ask me invasive personal questions about my experience, only to later come out to me and tell me that i helped them realize they were queer in some way.

I don’t say any of this to make it seem like Im somehow the only valid lesbian or like I’m ~~ally of the year or w/e. And there are a lot of confounding variables here: my small section of the white bread midwest is actually relatively liberal, politically. I have a very stable home life, and am in little danger of being attacked or fired or kicked out of my home for being gay. I’m also white, above the poverty line, and like I said earlier, I often *look* straight so people feel more comfortable approaching me or even talking to me in general. I have got a lot of privilege going on.

I say all of this to underscore this: No one knows I’m ace. Even my girlfriend, who loves me and knows me, knows I never say the words out loud. She’s smart enough to put it all together, and we’ve talked about how i do not experience sexual attraction and how alienated i feel for that, but i have never once said the words out loud. I’m terrified. Almost on the daily I come out to someone new as gay, and I always certainly have some fear, apprehension, anxiety whenever i do. But it is nothing compared to how scared I am of coming out to someone as ace.

Do you know how many times someone processes that I’m gay, comes back to me, and proceeds to only relate to my queerness through sex and sexual attraction? Do you know how often someone says, “well, at least it’s not like you’re some kind of robot who doesn’t want anyone”? I understand that even in the context of accepting my lesbianism, these comments aren’t particularly supportive or unproblematic. But when it comes to my ace identity? These comments are terrifying, dehumanizing, and almost violent. Cishets don’t see me as a real person, and tell me that, to my face, several times a week. Most of the time, they go on to detail why I don’t count, why I don’t exist, how I’m crazy, need medication, how I owe sex to people to in my life, even if it’s not consensual. 

I have a close friend now at work who I adore, and who I trust maybe more than anyone else I have ever known. And with her, I am just now considering maybe, possibly, telling her some version of the truth, but only if the topic ever comes up.

My thesis here is not that it is harder to be ace than to be gay. That’s a ridiculous thing to say and I honestly, truly don’t care whether or not it’s true. My point is that we’re all in this together, and please, don’t discount the experiences of ace people. Don’t pretend like it’s easy for us to come out, like we don’t feel the same bone- chilling terror as other LGBT+ people everytime we think about it. 

To everyone reading this, yeah I know I'm really late with this, but I wanted to do it anyway. Plus I'm always fashionably late.

I wanna put something out there right now. I am Ace. I have no problem with sex, but the concept of me doing anything sexual makes me uncomfortable, and I am semi-out. By the end of today I intend to come out to the rest of my family, so wish me luck. ;;;

I knew practically since I'd found out what sex even was that I was not interested. Growing up, I was constantly ingrained with the concept of keeping myself "pure", and every time my parents gave me the dame lecture, I told them the same thing. You have nothing to worry about, I'm not interested in sex. Truth be told, that parent never completely believed me, and even now, when they have the best of intentions, I still sometimes get a lecture that is unintentionally aphobic. I can never bring myself to tell them that its hurtful when you undermine me by implying that I just haven't met the right person, and I'm just at that age where I don't really know what I want.

I came out to my closest friends and relatives. My parents, siblings, and friends I trusted. I was incredibly lucky that all my family was mostly supportive, and that all my friends accepted me. The ones most supportive of me were @icypoof and @zukioyo . You've no idea how much it means to me to be able to complain to you about my ace problems, even if you don't understand xD and to know that you support me unconditionally as myself.

Finally got around to doing an ace week one too! Feel free to use :)

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@asexualawarenessweek @fuckyeahasexual

For those who don’t know, Ace Week is an annual celebration of the progress we’ve made as a community and a campaign for greater understanding of asexual-spectrum identities. You can participate in Ace Week by posting on social media or by attending an event put together by local aces.

The official tag for the week is #aceweek across all social media platforms. Below are the daily themes, each with suggestions for participating. 

Sunday, October 20th: Coming Out

Use this as an opportunity to come out as ace (if you are safe and comfortable doing so).

Talk about issues affecting aces when they come out.

Let people know that ace week has begun.

Use one of our Facebook profile frames (coming soon).

Post a picture of yourself showing ace pride.

Monday, October 21st: Relationships

Talk about issues affecting aces in relationships (any kind of relationship!).

Blog about a significant relationship you have with someone who is accepting of your asexuality.

Post a picture of you and someone who is supportive of your ace identity.

Tuesday, October 22nd: Gray-asexuality and demisexuality

Talk or post about issues facing gray-asexual and demisexual people.

For those who identify as gray-asexual or demisexual, discuss your experiences or post a picture of yourself.

Talk about media representation of gray-asexual and demisexual people.

Share posts made by gray-asexual and demisexual people.

Wednesday, October 23rd: Aces of Color

Talk or post about issues facing aces of color.

For those who are aces of color, discuss your experiences or post a picture of yourself.

Talk about media representation of aces of color.

Share posts made by aces of color.

Thursday, October 24th: LGBTQ+ Identities

Talk or post about issues facing aces who also have another LGBTQ+ identity.

For those who have another LGBTQ+ identity in addition to being ace, discuss your experiences or post a picture of yourself.

Talk about media representation of aces who also have another LGBTQ+ identity.

Share posts made by aces who have another LGBTQ+ identity.

Friday, October 25th: Disabled and Neurodivergent Aces

Talk or post about issues facing disabled and neurodivergent aces.

For those who are ace and disabled or neurodivergent, discuss your experiences or post a picture of yourself.

Talk about media representation of disabled and neurodivergent aces.

Share posts made by disabled and neurodivergent aces.

Saturday, October 26th: Community

Share something you love about an ace community you participate in.

Talk about the history of ace community organizing.

Talk about how ace communities have impacted your life, or the lives of ace people generally.

Write a blog post for this month’s Carnival of Aces.